July 21, 2013
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The Antitype
It seems when I was younger, when it came to dating guys and girls alike both had a specific "type." Be it a redhead with a curvy figure or a tall, broad blond-haired blue-eyed Adonis, we all had our preferences. As we grew and matured, so did our types. Not only should "the one" have certain physical characteristics, but he/she should also have a college degree, enjoy hiking and volunteering, oh, and must love dogs.That was then.
It seems, at least for me, that the older I get, the more I develop my "antitype." As one person put it, "I don't know what I want, but I do know what I don't want." And while I've tried to keep an open mind in the past, I am finding this to be more and more true. There are certain characteristics that are deal breakers for me. Moreover, I find that I'm not even compatible with some people as friends. It's been an interesting process for sure, and it makes me wonder who I will wind up with someday. But for now, I know who I will be avoiding:
1. Asian girls that "prefer" white guys
I'm going to stereotype here. Because, the Asian girls that date white guys stereotype. You know, against other Asian guys.
Granted, I grew up in a white home, but wtf is up with all these Asian girls and their issues? Yeah, I get it, a lot of you had bad experiences with your fathers. But then you automatically rule out all Asian men? Or you buy into stereotypes about Asian guys being nerdy, or timid, or whatever have you. Rather, you swallow Hollywood's hunks hook, line and sinker.
You know, I get that people have their preferences. But to form ignorant opinions based on myths and such just irks me. And then, I'll find girls that will talk to me about why they don't like Asians. To hate your own people is one thing, but to add insult to injury? Yeah I get it we're friends, but really?
2. Girls that hide their insecurities with false confidence
My second antitype is a class of girls whom I classify as eggs. Hard-shelled exterior, but inside a gooey mess. These are the girls that come off as super confident, if only to mask their vulnerability. They'll come off strong and act like they're all that with super high standards, but when you get to know them you find out just how broken they are. They want well put together guys, but they can't even handle their own issues. Hypocritical much?
I don't understand women. Why can't we just make things simple? Anyways, those are two of my anti-types. Do you have any of your own?
Comments (22)
Or it could be there just aren't any Asian guys around where some Asian girls live? What makes you think that it's the same case for all Asians? I will go for my "hollywood/hunk/WHITE type guy if I please" and it has nothing to do with having daddy issues. Speaking from experience, the Asian guys I did meet thought their shit don't stank and they are arrogant, especially some Japanese Asians. Maybe it's different in other areas.I know what I don't want: Asian guys who think Asian girls should be with them just because they're Asian.
Also to add to my other comment, if some white guy or any other race guy tells me they haven't been with an Asian girl before, I also write them off, too. If they want to fulfill their fantasies of getting with Asians, they can find that on some Asian site. I'm not going to be someone's "What's it like to be with an Asian" type person. If they get to know me it's because they like my personality, not ethnicity.
@wow - "Or it could be there just aren't any Asian guys around where some Asian girls live?" Exactly; I'm Asian and have lived in a predominantly white area all of my life. I don't have any Asian friends because there aren't really any around. Also, the Asian girls I do meet; we just don't have that much in common. But in response to this article; I think a lot of Asian men are good looking and seem nice, but I would never date them because I've never been with an Asian guy. I'd date him because of his personality or sense of humor. In response to the second topic, you make it sound like its a bad thing for girls who want "well-put together guys" Maybe girls like that, need someone to help them change their life around? Wouldn't a guy with personal problems want a "well put together" girl, to help them become a better man?
I don't like fat guys but I also don't like buff guys where the upper portion of their arm is bigger than their forearm. unproportioned parts turn me off. very skinny guys don't turn me on either, because I'm skinny, so if he can fit into my clothes, then that's like dating my twin, which I don't want. tyson beckford's body, voice, and smile is amazing. he's my type. everyone else that doesn't look like him is my antitype.
Men who are/have... too extroverted, indecisive, submissive, inconsiderate, lack motivation; sexually promiscuous, low self-discipline, less intelligent than me, don't work out regularly (with at least some strength training incorporated), don't value justice, show low regard for their mothers; blue eyes (usually... they look insincere/reptilian to me), ignorant of world events, short (sorry, I'm a hypocrite here)
@riot_as_rain@xanga - same here. I was literally the one other Asian in my graduating class in high school that's how few there are where I am. One Korean girl and I was the only Chinese girl. The Asian guys I did know who I was friendly with, they were pretty much like family and I didn't view them as someone to date. The one Asian guy that I did meet and did want to date, who'd a thunk it he has a white blonde girlfriend, lol.
#2 is ridiculous. Everybody has insecurities that they mask with confidence. It's human nature. The most confident people are often the ones who have had the most shit to deal with.
@gamecubeholic@xanga - Pretty much exactly what I was going to say. I understand not wanting someone who is a total mess, but I have yet to meet a person who isn't insecure about at least one thing, and most people don't like to wear that on their sleeves.
And the whole line about not understanding women, why can't we make things simple...I find it annoying when men act like they're so easy to understand and women aren't...Like it's always the female's fault for not understanding the male's obvious signals and never the male's fault for not understanding her signals. Can't we just accept that PEOPLE are complicated, that it takes work to get to know most of them, let alone understand them, and that it's never going to be "simple"?
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - "...I also don't like buff guys where the upper portion of their arm is bigger than their forearm."So this would be your "dream guy" then: http://bit.ly/Zoz3Ht ? =)
You do realize that the majority of men and women in this world are not only broken, but know that their baggage is a turn off to people like yourself? I wish there were more people are who have learned to accept that everyone is a fixer upper. And you know what? It took me months and months of therapy to realize that everyone needs some form of therapy. We are a hurting race and posts like this that belittle those who are deemed 'weak' for having lived life just make me sick.
Yeah I'm a bit of Number 2, oh well. I'm working on my issues and hopefully I find someone who understands. Everyone has their things to work on, no one is perfect. I don't have too much of an antitype...just no one with kids and they have to have a job, Lol my standards are super high
Uhm..... subject matter wtf.Meanwhile I find that both of these 'traits' are hard to classify as 'types'. Especially since their qualitative traits... mostly about their mental state. And anyway, my 'antitype' are douche bags that complain about women (as the generalization) as if men don't have problems of their own (also a generalization).
my antitype is the kind of guy that likes to overgeneralize/make assumptions about female preferences."Granted, I grew up in a white home, but wtf is up with all these Asian girls and their issues? Yeah, I get it, a lot of you had bad experiences with your fathers. But then you automatically rule out all Asian men? Or you buy into stereotypes about Asian guys being nerdy, or timid, or whatever have you. Rather, you swallow Hollywood's hunks hook, line and sinker."yeah, of course...cuz as an asian female, i really need a white person telling me what my issues are with men. fuck off.*EDIT: okay, maybe you're asian? but whatever, doesn't give you the right to say shit like that.
Huh. Soooo how do you tell if a girl is going to be your second antitype? Because not every girl has a "false exterior" or whatever. I consider myself a tough girl, but I don't believe I'm a mess inside. I have my issues, sure, but then most people do. But just because a girl may have moments where she falls apart doesn't mean she can't handle herself... She's just human. And the ones who seem the toughest often fall harder, because we are so tough for a reason. For example, sometimes I think I have to be really tough so that when everyone else falls apart, I can be someone to lean on. Do I have moments where I fall apart? Of course, and during those moments, it's nice to lean on someone else for a change. Of course, I agree some girls are just crazy messes and the tough shell is definitely an act (I know quite a few) that falls apart every night after a few drinks or a bad fight, but don't rule every "tough girl" out. Seems like a bad idea to me.My antitypes are pretty specific. I don't like ghetto guys. If their wardrobe primarily consists of snapbacks, baggy jeans and no belts, big chain necklaces, and they say yo every other word and Lil Wayne is their hero, I won't even give them the time of the day. Also, guys I don't know who hump my ass when I try and dance.
Oh you. Everyone is my anti-type. Sorry everyone!
@SoullFire@xanga - my dream guy is chocolate, not vanilla. no crab/lobster-like arms.
Many jimmies rustled.
@npr32486@xanga - lol yes, you certainly hit home with some folks here. i understand your frustration though. i wouldn't want to be written off for something stupid like that either. as for me, i've found that the source of asians' (both yellow and brown rice) self-hatred seems to be some rejection of their parents' culture or habits because of either media stereotypes or just being made fun of as a kid for being different. on the other hand, i decided my freshman year of college that nobody really chooses what race they'll be born as...so i can't really fault someone for choosing the practices of one race (or religion) over another.i personally don't really like yellow girls...they kind of gross me out, tbh, even though i hooked up with a fair number of them in grad school (which is only because of the distribution of the population). they're too skinny and i think their hygiene is questionable. as for #2, i learned some years ago (i remember exactly the situation, too) that *all* girls are insecure, and that's not going to change. but you know what? that's totally okay, as long as their insecurity doesn't start to affect your relationship. wondering if she's pretty enough is one thing. expecting you to cover for her insecurity (for example, not letting you talk to other girls, as an extreme case) is not okay.
I don't classify people as types. You think they're something, but later you realize they're not that, or they change. I have people mistake me for something else all the time. Later, they're like "Oh I thought you were blah blah blah, but you're not". I'm just like, "Thanks. That information doesn't help me at all".
I never understood the whole Asian-girl-who-dates-white-guys only thing. I'm an Asian girl with major fatherly-hating issues but I've always had a tendency to be attracted to Asians (or at least part Asian) guys. Maybe it has something to do with understanding my background, culture and oh I don't know ME?!I also understand and actually have friends who just prefer white males, probably because they just haven't met an Asian dude that has met/exceeded their expectations but they certainly don't hate on Asian guys. To simply exclude all guys based on appearance is bigoted. On your second note, I wonder if you would have considered me an "egg". My dating standards are quite high; my friends told me I'd never find someone to match (though I've now proved them wrong). Honestly I was a bit of a mess on the inside, and still have some insecurity issues, but that's something my partner and I can deal with together. Obviously I knew that I can't be ready to date unless I am able to stand on my own two feet, but don't forget what helps make relationships stronger. And by standing on my own two feet, for clarity's sake, meant that I was confident and happy enough with myself, developed and worked towards my own goals, and was okay with NOT dating anybody.
To each their own.
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