August 21, 2013

  • Boyfriend's Obsession With Looking at Other Women


    My boyfriend is in his mid twenties, and we have been together for two years. One problem we have is his obsession with pictures of other girls and his public display of gawking at them. In his phone alone there's about one picture of me to every seven to eight pictures of other half naked to naked girls. These are pictures off Google and other websites so it is no one we know personally. Also on his Instagram, he is following mostly girls—mostly naked in sexual positions. Again, they are models like suicide girls which is a big one he follows.

    The display screen of your followers is eight pictures, usually all eight pictures are just of these half naked girls. A lot of our friends have pointed it out to me how much he likes and follows these girls. When I talk to him about how uncomfortable it makes me feel, he says I am too sensitive.

    Also in public, he not only checks out other girls, but comments, or practically snaps his neck checking them out. I know guys check out other girls, but does he really have to make it so obvious? He makes me feel like I am not good enough when he makes a public scene of checking them out. He says, once again, I am too sensitive and it would be so awesome if I would check out these girls with him.

    How do I tell him this is not cool to do and and to tone it down? I know guys will look at pictures of girls and check them out, but when other people begin to notice it and point it out to me I feel embarrassed and that I am not hallucinating. How do I go about this whole scenario?

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Comments (28)

  • If you're going to check out other girls, at least have the decency to do so discreetly and not bring embarrassing attention to yourself.  That's just basic respect for your partner.  I mean if he's cool with you checking out other guys and flirting with them then I guess he's at least not a hypocrite.

  • That sounds awful. Like, horrible. Geez Louise.

  • Ugh I hate guys. I wish I was a lesbian.

  • The fact that he does this after you have told him how it makes you feel is unbelievably disrespectful. No man should ever make their woman feel bad about the way that they look or do something that would make a woman question if she is good enough for him. The truth is, you are better than he is. Not the other way around. I would really reevaluate if you would spend the rest of your life with someone who does this all the time or if you are wasting your time...

  • Sounds a lot like trash, and you know what to do with that.

  • I can understand not wanting him to check out other girls in public... but you're never going to be the only person someone finds attractive. Asking them to not look at other people at all is unreasonable... perhaps suggest a compromise?

  • He seems very immature to me. I don't know one person who goes out of their way to put half naked people on their phone. I think that's quite strange but I guess he's jacking off to them? To start I would ask him to delete the photos on his phone and if he doesn't you know where his priorities are. It doesn't matter that he thinks you're too sensitive, what matters is that he's hurting you and the pictures are more important than your feelings.

  • though you're a far cry from being the most insecure girl that's ever posted asking for advice, i think you might be overreacting a little bit.  if these were girls he knew (but with whom he *wasn't* good friends) i could see why you'd be more uncomfortable, but that's not the case.that all being said, this is mostly resemblant of frat boy behavior, not someone in his mid-twenties.  he needs to grow the fuck up.as for checking out girls, who cares.  he's looking at the menu, not ordering off of it.  i love it when the girls i'm seeing check out other girls with me.  in fact i find it seriously overbearing when they act all insecure about it.  almost grounds for dumping her. 

  • How you have managed to put up with this for 2 years, I'll never know. I would dump him just because you've pointed out how it made you feel and instead of taking your feelings into consideration and at least attempt to be discreet, he accuses you of being too sensitive. Guys like that are dicks and aren't mature enough to be in a relationship.

  • Whoa. Drop him. One doesn't just tell a girlfriend that she is 'too sensitive' for noticing you have a porn addiction. If he was doing this 'discretely' (hot button word in the comment section I know) Then I'd be like, "cool, whateves, I like to watch gay porn on my week days too." But Instagram and in public... that's like jerking off right outside of the front door, NOT cool. I mean, I'm all about nekkedness and checking out other people besides your SO, I mean. I know mine does on occasion, and I know I do frequently. But what he's got for you is a load of dis-respect. and THAT should not be tolerated. 

  • Gross. Can you please dump him? Talk to him, say, "Look, I don't feel like complaining about this anymore, and I don't feel like being called too sensitive. This isn't right for me. We need to be done, or something needs to change for this to work for me." Anyway, that's my advice. I think you'll be happier in the long run leaving him. I don't think he will change. This sounds like an inherent difference between you two that will just force this to not be even close to a perfect or suitable life combination. Being with a man like that sounds like a NIGHTMARE. (Get out while you're still young).

  • Wow! I am so so sorry that he is acting like that! I know that must be extremely hurtful! Tell him this unacceptable and that's your bottom line. If he's not willing to change then maybe YOU need to start thinking about making a change, like finding someone that loves and respects your for all your awesomeness.  I hope he is willing to change for your sake. Good luck! 

  • This wouldn't work for me. I'd find someone that I was comfortable with and free him to do the same.

  • I think it's fine to think other people are attractive, but he should be gawking at and complimenting you!

  • That is something I'd never be able to adjust to or accept. At least it's not anyone you or he knows personally. But still, my fiance and I have this policy where nothing is worth making the other one uncomfortable. It's not that hard to cut out something so insignificant to bring comfort to someone who should matter more. I suggest you find someone willing to do the same for you.

  • Sounds like you two are incompatible.Personally, I have been known to point out women on occasion. "Did you see her breasts! Okay, you couldn't have not seen them, but holy boobage." He just laughed at me.It does sound like he's rather immature, in my opinion. There's a line for me and it seems like he leaped across it. But I wonder... why is it inappropriate to be verbal about finding someone attractive? I mean, I know it is and it seems sort of vulgar when done randomly, or maybe it's what words are used. Hm. It'd be something to think about if my brain weren't already busy with a dozen or so other things.

  • tell him he is disrespecting you, and the other girls that he's gawking at. 

  • @pnfpn@xanga - I am not asking him to stop checking out other girls, I know its human nature. But to make a scene every time  thats an issue. He will tell me what is wrong with my body( like I have cellulite on my thighs) then continues to point out how nice another girls legs are because they lack the cellulite factor. So its the obvious public display of his checking out other girls and his comparisons. 

  • @babyxxxo@xanga - Thats a good policy between you two.

  • "BOY" is the operable word in all this nonsense. Tell him I said so.

  • kick that spergbabby horedog to the curb and get u a real man who don't visually slubber all of the femals within ooglin distance 

  • Your bf sounds a lot selfish because he doesn't care about your feelings.Either you tolerate his nonsense or you dump him.Selfish people won't give you happiness, only tears and anger!

  • I don't think the issue here is whether or not it's ok to look at other girls. It's how he's treating you when you bring up something that bothers you. He makes a show of looking at these other girls, compares you to them, according to your later comment, you say it bothers you, he calls you "too sensitive." That's something a lot of manipulative, controlling types do. (And no, I'm not saying it's impossible for someone to be "too sensitive," just that saying that it can be a manipulation tactic.)Also, if other people are noticing his behavior and commenting on it, chances are it makes them uncomfortable, too. Are all of them also "too sensitive"?

  • What a worthless piece of shit.  Yeah, men and women both look at other people, but a committed person does not make a fucking hobby out of it, and should be ashamed if one's partner notices.  "He says I am too sensitive."  Tell him he must have nerve damage then to find his behavior acceptable. 

  • @nikkiboopoo21 - what a piece of shit. he's so fucking immature.

  • slap him in the face and tell him he should be looking at you...take pictures posing and dressed like the girls he likes and show them to him.

  • I'm sorry but it doesn't get better. If it's been 2 years, it's time to decide if you want to live with this for the rest of your lives together or end it now. I've been in the same situition for 7... YES, SEVEN YEARS. The only thing keeping us together is our 2 kids and his military career (we don't want to take the kids from either of us so we stay together). It's come to the point that we are just roommates now. His addiction has completely taken over our relationship to where it's nonexistant. 

  • I'd have dumped him ages ago, lolz. He sounds like a dick.

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