January 5, 2013
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Defining a "Slut"
One who engages in sexual intercourse for any alternative motive other than to reproduce, meet one's sexual "needs" or to please a person you care for on an equally intimate level.When I say "needs" I'm referring to strong physical desires, as it is possible to live a life without ever preforming a sexual deed with another person. There's more to life than sex; a hell of a lot more.Provocative clothing and occupations such as stripping are in a gray zone for me. The word "slut" doesn't quite fit, but I'm aware that those people wearing and participating in these things are simply using their bodies to sexually stimulate others.(Although that is not always the case with the way people dress.) Clothing especially is a shady area since "appropriate attire" is and will always be subjective.High school girls with fishnet leggings or high school guys with extremely tight workout shorts on will most likely draw a certain kind of attention, but does that make them a slut?
I wouldn't say so. A tease of some sort yes, but not a slut.
It's common knowledge that some people have more of a sexual drive, but why should they limit what their body craves more often than others? Because it's the "right" thing to do? Or an even worse reason, because other people don't have as much sex. Right and wrong are based off the perception of social normality and in this case, I believe that the word "slut" is a broken term.Now, moving on to men and women who participate in sexual activities regularly (meaning one bad decision doesn't label a person as a slut for life) for reasons such as to raise self esteem/worth, gain acceptance from a particular social group or as "payment" for another deed or object including money, clothes, manual labor or even drugs. An example of this would be a very attractive person going in for a job interview, charming their way into the employer's pants, and landing the position... and the job. Who in this case would be the "slut"? The employee or the employer? My answer: Both of them.I say this because the employer may be trying to meet his/her sexual needs but they are giving their momentary partner something other than sex itself. The employee is a slut because of two reasons: one being they are "giving" their body up and the other being they are "receiving" employment.
In another light, when would two people not be considered sluts? Imagine two individuals on a date, one of which engaged in sexual intercourse a week ago, the other, a few months ago. The date progresses and both parties can feel the sexual tension rising. They eventually go over to a residence and, to simply put it, fuck. Sex after the first date, does it make either of them a slut? No. It's natural, and both parties were in it for the same reason.Now, take the same situation but imagine that one of the two developed feelings while the other wanted to leave it as a one night stand. Does this make either of them a slut? It depends. Did the person who developed feelings sleep with the other person simply because they thought by giving up their body they could "seal the deal" or did they sleep with them because they wanted sex or to meet their sexual desire? Intention is what ultimately decides whether or not they can be deemed a slut.
The exact number of sexual partners doesn't make a difference, as common sense tells us that some people manage to remain in relationships longer. Just because someone isn't in a relationship does that mean their sexual drive should lessen let alone cease altogether? Obviously not.Biologically speaking, reproducing is the main reason we as human beings exist, to pass on as much of our genetic code as possible to the next generation. It is with the introduction of social "norms" that people begin to limit their sexual encounters. We are neither a true tournament species nor a true pairing species (at least not in this day in age). Men in today's society are typically praised for their sexual triumphs while women are shunned ultimately becoming a social pariah (mostly by other women who claim to have more "self respect").And to that I say, why? That doesn't make any sense. Women, from my experiences alone, end up being a lot hornier than myself.
No one should have to conform to this ridiculous standard, especially because it's based on gender. For the thousands of years intelligent human beings have been on this earth, we are still trying to reach a gender equilibrium. Agree or disagree, these are my observations and thoughts on the subject.Comments? Thoughts?
Comments (53)
guess i see it more simply: sluttiness is in the eye of the beholder.i find that the beholder is a usually a jealous or insecure woman.
I prefer the second definition, personally. I've never called anyone a slattern but it sounds more intelligent than slut or skank.
i'd have to define sluttiness if the deed is done other than for love. if it's for material possessions, one-night stands, money etc then it's slutty.
when you don't know who the father of the baby is and have to take DNA tests to find out, and still can't find the father...when you don't remember who you hooked up with....when you pretty much get with anything that walks and never say no.
I don't believe that anyone has a right to label someone a slut. It's their life and if they feel the need to have casual sex then that's their business. Society is way to concerned with people 's private life and trying to but labels on everyone.
I think children should be covered up, including teenage girl, and I think adults should dress properly around children, however If you want to be sexy or be all naked at a strip club- to each their own. I judge people more by their character and compassion than anything else.
This is possibly the most idiotic thing I've ever read. I think so-called "sluttiness" is a load of crap. There's nothing wrong with sexual expression. There's nothing dirty, bad, etc. about sex. It's part of life, get over it, prude. I hate the double-standard, though, between men and women. If a man sleeps around he's a "stud" or a "pimp" but if a woman does she's a "slut?" Give me a break.
No one should be treated cruelly, for any reason. So even though I don't agree with having loose standards, I don't agree either with calling someone such a derogatory name.
@T3hZ10n - There is a difference between saying there is a rigt and a wrong and being unkind or unaccepting. I have control over how I act, too. I can be loving and at the same true to my conscience, or needlessly mean. I can accept someone while still disagreeing with them. It can be done.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - For some of us men who practice what we preach, that isn't a double standard, it's a standard, jackass. Of course if you were to have such a policy it would be a double standard.@Jenny_Wren@xanga - When it's describing something a person has (or rather, should have) control over, there is absolutely nothing wrong with derogatory names.
@Jenny_Wren@xanga - You want a cookie? I 'can' reject someone while disagreeing with them. It can also be done. You say it like because it is seemingly more difficult that somehow it is more right or adds more reason to do it instead. Sometimes being mean is perfectly appropriate, and far more appropriate than being needlessly nice, especially considering the person is going to do what they want regardless. Sluts gonna slut.
I don't think anyone has the right to throw the word slut at another person (not to say you can't criticize or question their behavior when it includes their sexual habits when it is clearly creating negative consequences). But slut is such a loaded but extremely subjective word. EVERYONE has a different standard of what makes someone "slutty" based on their own ideas and feelings and values regarding sex. I think the only thing people should be concerned with is if they themselves find themselves to be sluts (though I suppose some girls have no problem with referring to themselves as such, but I never understood that one. If I feel I'm being slutty, it's because I don't feel like what I'm doing is okay by my standards). So really, people need to stop concerning themselves with the sex lives of others. If you are dating the person, fair enough. If it is a friend or family member and you are concerned about them (in which case, you wouldn't call them a slut), understandable. But if you are just being judgmental for no reason, then...yeah, you can just keep that shit to yourself.
I think actions are better termed slutty than people. If a person performs enough slutty actions consistently, then the person becomes slutty. I also don't take offense to things like that, though. If someone were to say I was slut, whether it was true or not, it wouldn't bother me.
@T3hZ10n - The truth is, we are no better. We have all done things wrong. That is why it isn't right to be cruel, because we deserve the same cruelty then, for other reasons. It is prideful to say we are better. It is untrue.
The word "slut" is not a broken term. It has a perfectly functional definition. The problem is that people don't use it correctly. They apply it to any woman they don't like or have some disagreement with. It's an abuse of the term that's the problem. Words don't cause stupidity. People do.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - I actually heard someone use the term "slattern" in conversation once, and correctly. I'll admit that my respect for them increased just a bit after that.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Btw, I didn't mean "I" as just regarding myself, but I see why you would think I meant that...! Wasn't too clear. I meant it in a universal sort of way--you could substitute "one" or "someone".
if we define the term, i can't throw it around to talk about any slut i meet at hh or whatever, soooo we should probably stay away from doing so.
When I hear the term slut, I think of someone who comes across as being indiscriminate about partners. It's not just the number, but there appears to be little rhyme or reason in the choice of partners. The person isn't doing it out of love, need for cash, or often even out of lust or attraction. It nearly seems some weird compulsion or dangerous habit...often accompanied by self esteem issues, abuse issues, power/anger/rebellion...basically things that tend to lead to poor decision making.
@Jenny_Wren@xanga - I'm curious how you would feel about the word "whore". it definitely has a derogatory tone to it, but it has an actual technical definition. so, would there be a problem if I were to tell a woman "stop letting your male friends talk to you/treat you like a whore".
@iones_island@xanga - That's a good question. I would use it possibly the way you used it--to show that a woman isn't a whore, but that some people want to look at her and treat her as one when they shouldn't be. That doesn't seem mean, and it seems like you're trying to help her. I mean, if someone is literally a prostitute, I wouldn't be afraid of referring to her as a prostitute. It's the intent behind whatever you're saying...that's more what I'm getting at.
Why do we need to define people as sluts?
@randaness@xanga - THANK YOU
@randaness@xanga - To express our own feelings about, to, and for those people I'd imagine... like any other word. It's just as @Nous_Apeiron@xanga said. The problem isn't the word, it's that people feel as though the word shouldn't be used because it is often either misused or people feel as though they should be able to do whatever they want sexually and not be seen as a major contributing factor to the downfall of mankind when such is certainly the case.I made a girl cry once because I called her a "ho", but that was back when I threw the term around like it was nothing. Apparently it carried more weight with her than with me. She was being a major bitch and was in-fact very promiscuous, and wouldn't you know it... her subconscious agreed that her behavior was unacceptable.To put it simply, if you care what a person (or other people) think about you, maybe you shouldn't engage in activities that make them think less of you instead of trying to get them to stop expressing how they feel.
I HATE the word slut. The whole double standard there is just complete bullshit. Who cares if someone wants to have sex with someone? Why is that anyone's business? Does it personally hurt you and your reproductive organs? The problem with the word slut is that it is almost always exclusively used by women, about women. There is a problem there.. This is one of those words that has such negative connotations, I don't use it.@T3hZ10n@xanga - It is most definitely a double standard considering that the Merriam-webster definition of slut refers exclusively to women.
@Saridactyl@xanga - Then come up with a negative word for promiscuous men instead of defending sluttery."Who cares if someone wants to have sex with someone? Why is that anyone's business? Does it personally hurt you and your reproductive organs?"Yes. Rewarding ignorant, promiscuous people and their behavior creates arrogant assholes who don't deserve to feel as good as they do, not to mention sex creates more people and subsequently more assholes.
A lot of what was expressed in T3hZ10n@xanga's comment is exactly what bothers me about this "issue." Seriously calling someone a slut or a ho is at best rude and at worst bullying. And if they get upset about it, hey, that means there's a reason they're upset. They DESERVE it. The bully doesn't have to sympathize with his or her victims because they are arbitrarily simply not as good. This is, of course, cyclically confirmed by the fact that the victim is bothered by being bullied.It is a (disturbingly) common belief that if someone (particularly a woman) is bullied, attacked, slandered, or otherwise deprecated, the victim is the one responsible for the attacker's actions. Because the victim did not modify him- or herself beforehand, sh/e does not deserve respect. If the victim wants to be treated with basic human decency, then it is his or her job to conform to rigorous (and somewhat capricious) social standards."Don't like me targeting you? Then don't be what I hate. I take no responsibility for my actions - it's your fault, for being what you are." That is exactly the message you are sending with "if you care what a person (or other people) think about you, maybe you shouldn't engage in activities that make them think less of you instead of trying to get them to stop expressing how they feel." My feelings are more valid than yours because I am the one judging you.That's the logic I sense behind that comment. That's the reasoning I hear when people say these things. And you know what? When a person does call someone else a slut, it says a lot more about the speaker than it does about the subject. At the very least it tells me that the speaker is not yet aware of how words cause hurt and hatred. At the most, it tells me that this speaker is full of hate and/or fear. What it very rarely tells me is details on the other person's sex life or value as a human being. And, wouldn't you know it, that's the professed reason for labeling a person: to convey information about that him or her.If there is a reason to call someone else a slut, well, T3hZ10n mentioned it right away. It has everything to do with us. We use the word slut not because it carries any real amount of information, but because it carries judgment. It's all about our feelings - we want to feel better about ourselves by degrading someone else - and if someone else makes it about their feelings, well, that means they deserved to be hurt.Things that don't hurt humanity: what goes on in someone else's pants. Things that do hurt humanity: victimizing people and spreading hate. End of story.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Why did you feel victimized by what I said? How is whatever I said "all" the victimizing? And while I do believe that sluts are often targeted maliciously, that was not the entire point of my comment. Also, I am not trying to encroach on other people's "freedoms," just dismantle their justification for hurting others. If they still want to, I am under no illusion that I can change their minds.
@randaness@xanga - You say this like people go around targeting sluts. You're the one doing all of the victimizing. If they enjoy doing what they do, there is no stopping them, and if they are free to do what they want then others are free to criticize their behavior.The fact of the matter is that a person's sex life becomes subject to public opinion through sexual indiscretion.It's that same bullshit argument 'what happens between two consenting adults is their business.'Yeah... two. When the actions of an individual involve a multitude of individuals there certainly will be many varying and rightfully negative opinions because the actions of one affect many, and all those involved, even indirectly, are entitled to their opinion when a person's sex life has launched itself like a fucking IPO.
@randaness@xanga - "How is whatever I said "all" the victimizing?"▼"And while I do believe that sluts are often targeted maliciously..."*facepalm*@randaness@xanga - It takes a subtle arrogance paired with a self-defeating level of pity to condone behavior that not only doesn't need your unsolicited approval but flourishes in spite of it.There is nothing enlightened about accepting others who don't equally value your disapproval.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - You deleted what I thought was an interesting comment, that a person's sexual indiscretions "damn well should be" negatively perceived by others. Again, in this current version of the comment, you say that people's opinions will be "rightfully negative."Here's an important thing to note, though. There's a huge difference between bullying someone and talking to them. One of them is blatantly destructive, and solely for the bully's benefit. The other one perhaps comes from a sincere desire to help (although it also could be an attempt to maintain the status quo in a more passive way). There's also a huge difference between holding opinions - to which I never said people were not entitled, by the way - and expressing them in a hurtful manner.You and I are coming from extremely different viewpoints, and I don't think that we'll actually agree on the topic at hand, but I do want to at least try to make an attempt to clearly explain what it is I am saying. From what you have written, it seems to me that you're telling me that these people are bad people. From what you have written, I am reading that those you deem "sluts" are no longer worthy of your respect. From my viewpoint, these people are not bad people. From my viewpoint, I can hold whatever opinions about people that I want (and others can hold whatever opinions they want). But as soon as that unjustly interferes (you and I have different definitions of "unjustly" as well) with the way I interact with them, it stops being okay. I do not want to interact with people as though I am better than they, and I would never be proud of myself if I made someone cry because I said something mean. I would be devastated, because I do not consider it acceptable to ever intentionally hurt someone.I'm sorry our conversation apparently degenerated into "facepalms." I'm sorry I somehow offended you. I assure you that was never my intent. If you do not want to continue with rational discourse I suggest you do not respond to this comment. Have a nice day.
@randaness@xanga - Again, there is nothing enlightened about openly accepting others who don't equally value your disapproval."Have a nice day."It's 2:30am. Try harder and use a more relevant cliché.
Someone who uses the word "slut" to speak of others is showing a serious character flaw in themself. There is no need for the word. It is only to cause harm.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Lol, sorry I didn't check your time zone before I wished you happiness XD XD What a thoroughly surprising response. Have a nice day anyway
@randaness@xanga - Hurr hurr, okay! I will! You too!
Personal philosophy; it's not the number of people you sleep with, it's the reason you sleep with people
the key link to "sluts" are prideful cheating sluts. they helped cheat knowing that they are the other woman/man yet say that have nothing to do with it because it isn't their relationship. being an accessory to the crime is also guilty of cheating. they don't hold the main responsibility but still hold some responsibility. don't hang around to be the getaway driver/evidence dumper if they don't want to be associated with a cheating slut. if they are both single and consenting, that's different. when deception comes into play and they are the main suspect or aiding in cheating at another person's expense, then they are sluts. I personally won't sleep around. I have my eyes set on a rare few guys and only want them. sometimes I think I'm satisfied with fantasizing about them. if I did finally get to have any one of them, it'll be the cherry on top. I'd have an elite invite-only orgy with my crushes who cares if they have a huge and long dong if they are fuggggly, short and ughhhhh....disgusting monsters that I would never daydream about. no way. I've seen a rare few supermodel looking guys that I had the immediate thoughts of sex, because his height and body was just...wow, he looks that hot clothed, so naked would be...*sigh* I feel that way towards my crush. if I had sex with him, I'd be in heaven random sex just gives me the creeps. I most likely won't get the dreamy feelings but it'll probably make me feel gross and depressed afterwards instead of floating on cloud nine. my schoolgirl fantasies don't exactly include flings with a bunch of random guys. it'll be like sexing up a bunch of filthy sewer rats. it just ain't my thing.
I agree for the most part. Some people (me) just have really bad luck with relationships. I'm not really one for intercourse outside of a relationship but I think that is due to my own inability to separate love from sex (which is most likely why I always get hurt). I was very hard on myself for a long time because the way I was raised told me that pretty much anyone who has sex outside of marriage is "unclean." Thank goodness the opinions of my old-thinking parents don't devastate me like they used to. On another note, double standards are unfair and wrong but women have been fighting them for decades now and sometimes it's not the truth that people want to hear. Any woman could go on national television and make a well researched, tear-jerking speech to men explaining why the double standard has to stop. Maybe they wil listen but at the end of the day, that girl in their office that dated Johnny a year ago and is now dating Chris is a "slut" meanwhile drinks tonight with Mandy and Lisa will be a good time...
@randaness@xanga - THANK YOU
I usually define a slut by her attitude combined with her actions and/or dress. It's something of a ratio and thus can vary considerably.What annoys me is when sluts piss and moan once you call them out for it. Just as my dad is a lawyer and can be accurately identified as such, so will a slut be. If you don't want to be called a slut, don't be one (or make it less obvious). You can do whatever you want with your body just as much as I can say whatever I want to with my mouth.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Rewarding ignorant, promiscuous people and their behavior creates arrogant assholes who don't deserve to feel as good as they doPeople don't need to have sex to become arrogant assholes. You're assuming that 1. People who have sex with promiscuous people don't "deserve" that sex (and who gets to determine this value of "deserve"?), and 2. Those people go on to become arrogant assholes as a result of that sex. Where is the proof for either of these assumptions? Moreover, how do these arrogant assholes affect your sex life?not to mention sex creates more people and subsequently more assholes.And non-promiscuous sex doesn't? A couple who has six kids together is creating a lot more assholes than a promiscuous woman who uses birth control. And there's nothing inherent about promiscuity that implies not using birth control.
@liberalmaverick@xanga - "People don't need to have sex to become arrogant assholes."It certainly doesn't help, and certainly reinforces behaviors. You have no point here."People who have sex with promiscuous people don't "deserve" that sex (and who gets to determine this value of "deserve"?)"By your own logic, when everybody depends on other people (including depending on other people to have sex with) who is to say what anybody else deserves and doesn't deserve?Who gets to determine this value? If anybody does, I do."And non-promiscuous sex doesn't?"Alright, so because both create assholes it's okay, because the two negative effects somehow cancel each other out. You have no argument of your own and you're only trying to poke holes in mine with insubstantial points that independently of my own actually make a case for what I'm saying.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I do have an argument of my own; I just didn't write it in my last post. My argument is more or less what others have written in their comments and what you responded to, so I don't think I need to repeat it.Your argument against promiscuous sex is as follows:1. Promiscuous sex makes people arrogant assholes. If you have actual data showing changes in behavior as a result of casual sex, I'd love to see it - otherwise this remains an unsupported opinion. I could just as easily say that there are plenty of people who engage in casual sex without becoming arrogant assholes.2. Promiscuous sex leads to children, most or all of whom grow up to become assholes. The widespread use of birth control and the existence of monogamous couples with large numbers of children would seem to invalidate this argument.
@liberalmaverick@xanga - Both of your points are equally unsupported opinions.
Slut's just a word people use when they want to judge someone's sexuality in a negative light. The definition depends on the person and culture. There's not really any point in discussing what the term means to you unless you just want to contrast and compare, much like the way people contrast and compare their preferences in significant others.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - You do realize that "slut" isn't really a thing right? It's simply a social construct, spoon fed to you by the media and people in positions of authority. If you use it to describe someone you're being one of those blind little sheep, following along with whatever big brother has chosen to tell you is an acceptable label for a person who you more than likely no nothing about (think about how many times you've thrown it at someone who wears revealing clothes etc.). That, and you're a fucking idiot for believing that someone's sexual lifestyle is really your business. Perhaps you should stop "engaging in stupidity" and enrol in a fucking soc100 course. -__- So congratulations for being a stupid person and for continuing to label everything in sight....you know...because it doesn't fit your little box of conformity that again has been SPOON FED to you. Sexuality is something created by mankind. It's not a "downfall" you fool. -__- People like YOU (YOUUUUU) create it. And btw... I'm simply following your "shouldn't engage in activities that make them think less of you instead of trying to get them to stop expressing how they feel" philosophy. This just entitles people to bash you for making such blatantly stupid remarks. tsk tsk. And really can I ask... if you're such an enlightened being why is there a reason for you to categorize everyone and everything? Slut is a malicious term. End of.
@petiteme_x@xanga - Wow... did you just fucking suggest I enroll in a course so I may have spoon fed to me that which has been spoon fed to me?I rarely do this, but you are way too far off to even begin to argue with.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - lol you rarely do that... funny...few comments up and you said "Both of your points are equally unsupported opinions." tut tut, I'm still trying to find the argument in that one. And perhaps because education actually allows you to see things from different perspectives and allows you to take away analytical skills to dissect things like why we choose to label certain people. You know, instead of instinctually listening to what is told to you by uneducated people(s) who do not choose to question things like sexuality, such as your authority figures(parents?) who told you the information you choose to argue. The point of taking a sociology course is to question the constructs put forth by society. It is not meant to be opinion based and the university you go to more than likely will not be teaching out of a strongly biased text. If that was the case then all your arguments are invalid if purely based on the fear of opinion being apart of a different perspective. Sociology would have allowed you to question WHY you think a certain way-and teach you how the term "sexuality" came about, rather than throwing it around like a twat.
@petiteme_x@xanga - "The point of taking a sociology course is to question the constructs put forth by society."It could then be said that the point of not taking a sociology course is to question the constructs put forth by society... like sociology courses. Then again, the same argument could be made for taking one. Depends on your preferred learning style. Either way.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - ....I am suggesting you attend a class that gives you a background to the word "slut" and this construct of "sexuality" so you can analyze and question things like social categories... instead of saying things because you don't know any better. Remaining ignorant and throwing around words given to you is not questioning anything. I took the time to examine things from another perspective and dur dur dur learned something about what was coming out of my mouth instead of repeating words I overheard from my parents etc. You heard the word slut from someone else, now you choose to throw it around to describe someone, regardless of you understanding that "slut" isn't a real thing...it is merely something society has come up with to place on those they need to categorize. But of course, continue eating up labels given to you for certain people you know nothing about and post your idiotic comments online. How can sexuality be the downfall of mankind if it is something that society created? You make no sense...... especially when YOU choose to reinforce it.....
Sluttiness doesn't mean anything. You can try to catch and capture is as much as you want but its an illusive concept.
When I am not in a relationship I am a slut. The word has never bothered me, not at all!
a slut is a slut is a slutand if a man or woman is a slut, they're probably being called other things and being talked shit about anyways, so who cares if you're called a SLUT to your face, or if someone says "you appear to enjoy making a sexual shitshow out of yourself", either way, you're a slut. don't be slutty if you don't want to be called a slut - sucks though that it's a term defined in the dictionary as being a woman, because i use slut, bitch, and whore to talk about men too. we have the power to change the meaning of words over time, stop trying to ban words because new ones will pop up instead, i'd just use the word in the least traditional sense of the word to change the social connotations.
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