August 20, 2017
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I Hate Expiration Dating
Miss OstrichEven though I've dated around a lot, I only count myself as being in three serious relationships, one of which I'm currently involved in. The first relationship was with my high school sweetheart, lasted two years and six months, and ended when we both decided we couldn't keep it going while he went to college, and I was stuck at home in high school. The second relationship started out as a one-night thing and probably should have stayed that way - it lasted two years and five months. I finally got fed up with his empty threats and attitude, though we were on shaky ground for most of the relationship (this is dreadlocks guy), and it finally came to a head one night when he told me, "You are not allowed to talk to boys."
I'm about a year and three months into the third relationship, and even though everything is great, I'm still psyching myself out thinking I have a year left until something does go wrong. It's silly, but I can't help think there might really be an expiration date for my relationships. I won't let that stop me, though; I'll fight to keep my relationship fresh and mold-free.
While I hate that this limitation might exist, one of my friends embraces it. She chooses to GIVE HERSELF the limit of dating someone for a year before breaking up with him. If someone makes it to the one year mark, she decides if it will be worthwhile - meaning, does she see herself marrying this person in the future? - to continue dating. So far, no one has made it past this point, though some have tried. She claims this stops her from getting too involved before she feels she's mature and ready for a family (right now, she's twenty, though the rule has been enforced since she was sixteen). I understand her reasoning, but to me it sounds a little extreme.
Do your relationships seem to have expiration dates? How do you feel about putting defined limits on relationships?
Comments (32)
I'm all about limits. I told my bf of about 8 months that i don't want to talk about tomorrow for i'm only enjoying the moment.
He doesn't agree or disagree but he seems all right in letting me think this way.
I'm just letting things be... i was more cynical before and even had a post in here titled "Constantly wondering how we'll break up" but right now i'm content so i'm just letting things be. It's been mostly good so far. The only issues relate to me really. However it's still early to say though and i have nothing to complain so therefore i will not do anything drastic (like break up).
I think from what i've learned...even if a couple is together for 6 or 7 years, it may still end. Therefore, just enjoy the moment.
My current relationship doesn't seem to have an expiration date. We're living in the moment, seeing how things are as the days go by. We know that we may not last forever, but we're open to the fact that it could.
I think putting defined limits on a relationship might make it harder to just enjoy something while it lasts.
I don't think relationships should ever have an expiration date. And what I find incredibly ridiculous is that your friend actually believes it only takes a year to really know someone well enough to decide if you would want to marry him/her. Perhaps she's really good at reading people, but in most cases, it takes years and years to really know someone inside and out. People also grow and change so when you do settle with someone permanently that is, you're making an investment.
Some relationships last longer than others, but the maturity rate of each relationship is different. You could date a guy for a few months and explore everything with him..and you can date a guy for years and never really even know him. It all depends. You shouldn't ever put an expiration date on someone you love/deeply care about. It's non-sensible. Your friend, I believe, probably knows little about the meaning of love. I would advise taking advice from someone who has taken a few risks and knows a thing or two about being committed to someone.
I've also had two relationships last about 2 1/2 years and right now I'm in a relationship with a girl that will put an end to that streak for sure. I know this only because i fell something completely different when I'm around her, something I've never felt before. And even though we're in a long distance relationship right now, I've never felt closer to anyone else ever; love is just something you have to work at.
So really I'm thinking if you really think that this person's the one for you, you're going to have to work for it. But in the end it will all be worth it.
I just wrote about this last Monday.
i think thats a very good idea, i support your friend
i mean it makes perfect sense
you've been with someone for a year, you should know by that point if it will work longterm- if it should be taken further. i mean that evaluation is a great idea... by doing it you can save yourself a lot of time and keeps you clear
i mean, even if something is nice for now... if you know there will be no future why would you want to extend it for much longer?
it is cheating both you and the person you're with
I actually like the idea. Honestly. Especially if you're young and you know you're not ready to settle into a long term serious thing. It's a good way of keeping yourself down to earth, and staying healthy through college.. College relationships are often put on high speed, and can be very intense very quickly. A one year evalutation and expiration might be a good way of saying, "hey, this has been fun, but it's been a year, and well, I'm not ready to get this serious, and I don't really think I see myself being that serious with you." IMO, if a person is someone to go the distance with, by the time a year goes by, you'll have some sort of clue about it.
it seems like it
Cause "forever" just isnt long enough
it bound to expire* sometimes
maybe in a week, maybe in a month or maybe in a year
hmm, i've never thought about it that way. whatever happens, happens.
I don't support your friend. Making a VERY HARSH judgment, she sounds like she's using this as an excuse to date as many guys as possible.
Expiration Dating is something I never heard of to begin with. To be honest, it sounds both childish and depressing (After x months, we're done? what kinda bullshit is that?). IF you are setting time limits on relationships, then you are really just speed dating around, which blows heavily to a anybody who wants anything serious. It's also a cheap excuse to sleep with a lot of people if you choose to have sex in the relationship (KEYWORD: IF). Besides, this friend of yours is using one year as a special point, but it's retarded in its own right because of the fact that you just don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. Marriages of 10+ years have ended; so what good is making it to the one year mark? Lots of couples make it to that point easily. Try 34 years of marriage.
One final note on this; she's not being mature on dating and relationships at all. My guess is that your friend is afraid of letting her emotions lead her to making bad decisions or getting romantically attached. Being involved is greatly different from being stupid. If she can't commit to a relationship for more than a year; how in the fuck is she going to commit to a marriage?
There is no such thing at all to expiration dates of dating. You are done in a relationship when you two fall out of love, or find somebody better. There is no egg timer on a relationship.
Does she tell guys at the beginning of the relationship that this is how she dates? If not, that's not really fair.
My guy and I just take it one day at a time.
at my age, school is an expiration waiting to happen. you know, the transition from high school to university.. now the end of undergrad is lurking in the distance.
Thats low of your friend.
Relationships should just take it's course.
I feel like everything must have an expiration date anyways, so I just accept it. And just enjoy it while it lasts. I don't see what's wrong with that. Worrying about the future isn't going to do much....?
I've noticed that after 2 years being in a relationship, I start to feel like I need to be single. I've had 3 long-term relationships (including my current) and it happened with the first two. I can't help it; it just happens and I've told my current SO. He's pretty confident that "[his] game is tight enough" to keep me around longer. I think he may be right.
I think you cant map out a relationship. It's not right. =/ though i agree not everyone is for marriage. We;re just practicing for marriage though lol.
i don't think there is a right or wrong for this topic. People set limits for a variety of reasons. Can't live a lie until someone shows up who would make u want to cross that line!
For myself, however, I don't put limits in my relationships. I have thought about it but it just doesn't work that way for me (Sort of like "I don't want to get hurt so I'll dump him before he dumps me" LOL). I don't have enough confidence to believe in the word "forever" but I still believe in love. I will always stay committed to the relationship until one of us no longer want to be part of it. Don't want to set any limits, just want to love while I still got the chance.
Hope that helps.
Time is a very poor indicator of a successful relationship.
Time is a medium in which things happen, but it does not reflect on the actual things that happen [to bring partners closer together, or further apart]. It does not reflect on whether the relationship is progressing, or losing momentum and intimacy.
Time is trivial. If you want a successful relationship, focus on the important details: such as how you feel, what you both want from the relationship, what you both need to contribute in order to make the relationship function.
Luckily mine seem to wait much longer to expire each time. I hope the third serious one is the charm... and that it's with somebody who wants to spend forever with me.
Chin up and don't think about it!
I wish I was the one putting the expiration dates on dating! I seem to always get dumped around the three or four month mark. i feel like the guy i've been seeing now for just over a month ( but we were really good friends first, and since then we have seen each other pretty much every day) might be different that way-- but then again, who really knows? guess I'll wait and see.
hmmm your friend's view is interesting maybe i should try it... and dont worry so much about it and just live
Ha... seems like I can't get a real relationship to last longer than three months... My most recent ex decided he needed to start worrying about if we were right for each other in terms of marriage after a few months... Whatever.
yeah...my expiration date would be 0 days. and if i get lucky...3 weeks.
I think what's wrong is all the people saying your friend is "wrong" for what she's doing. Hey, if it works for her, then that's her decision. She'd be dishonest with herself and unfair to the guy by staying with him if she isn't sure that she wants to get more serious.
Never heard of "expiration dating", and to my mind it sounds like it's a pretty unfulfilling life to me.
Part of the joy of my relationship is knowing that she'll always be there to come home to and to be able to share all the ups and downs that life throws at us.
Changing that person after x months and getting used to someone else regularly seems silly for me.
But to each their own, if your friend thinks that's the best thing to do, all power to her. It's not something that I could ever do though. It's too fatalistic to my mind.
I've never enforced this, but I was thinking about a one-month hold on guys who have crushes on me. All the guys that liked me were just in a dazed, rose-colored-glasses fog and after that was gone, they didn't like me at all even after telling me otherwise. So I theorized giving the guy one month without exclusive contact with me. If he still has strong feelings for me after one month of separation, I would believe his feelings to be truer than if he told me 2 days ago. This might be a stupid way to go about it, but it was just a thought. I just don't want to get hurt by guys with short attention spans. Is this a foolish idea?
well my expiration dates are either a month or more than a year its weird though i mean my longest is 16 then 11 then 1 so weird? i believe so but depends who the guy is
@AlyssMaddigan@xanga - and not waste that person's time if you think it'll just lead to break-up. I mean, even if things are smooth-sailing, doesn't it make sense to end things if you find no long-term potential or not ready for that?
@Eternal_Nocturne@xanga - maybe she is not looking to marry. Not everyone wants to be committed, you know.
i think the principle is sound- at some point you have to stand back and ask yourself if this is something potentially serious or if you're just wasting your time. but i think that arbitrarily assigning a year as the cut off point misses out on the fact that every relationship proceeds at a different rate and you're not always going to know by then if it will work. then again, we humans have a tendancy to wait until a relationship is unbearable before we do something about it, though the signs are often there much sooner that a love is dead. maybe a better approach is to 1) date people you actually like and could see building a future with, and 2) always be aware of your relationship and its status, how happy you are together, how you two are growing (whether together or apart), etc.
it sounds like she's trying to be self-aware, which i commend, but it can't be done by a set of rules. it has to just be the way you look at things.
well, Dizzee Rascal said it best, "Everything has its time limit, even relationships". the problem is some people don't want to end a relationship right when it should be because they feel like a failure, or they did it until they found someone better. And that's a very unhealthy approach to take love.
I think putting an expiration date on relationships is silly. I also think that seeing relationships as "marriage or nothing" is a very silly idea. Life doesn't really work by rules, and you miss a lot of the adventure if you limit potential with them.