January 6, 2013

  • I Think I'm Losing Him


    My boyfriend and I are going through a hard time at the moment and it has been going on for a while now (couple of months). I thought it was just a stage in the relationship, but surely it shouldn't be going on for this long if it is. At first we were the perfect couple; we wanted to spend every second of the day with each other and now I think it's fading away. It's not him, it's me... and that is what I'm worrying about. I am pregnant with his child and I'm not feeling right. 

    I love him to pieces, I really do. However, all I seem to be doing is either hurting him or annoying him in some way and I don't want to do that. It's because I want my own space sometimes but he's always there and it just gets to be a bit too much. I don't want to feel like this because when he's gone I feel so alone and upset; I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. When he is here, he just seems to annoy me even when he is doing the nicest things possible.

    It's not that I have lost interest because I haven't. He is my world and I don't know what I'd do without him. He is my first love and things just seem to be going wrong! There must be something up with me because no matter how hard I try to get over this problem, it seems to get worse. I don't think anyone really understands how this feels. It's horrible because when he wants to snuggle, I just don't. Well, I do want to but I haven't been very well for the past three months and I just want my rest.

    It seems like I have to do everything for him. I have to make his food, wash his clothes, get up every five minutes to get him a fag, and it is really hard work. I am only 15 and when I finally lie down and get to chill after a stressful day, he is just there and wants to snuggle. I just want to go to sleep and relax and have five minutes to myself. Because of this, he gets in a mood with me and believe me, that is the last thing I want to happen.

    I don't want to risk losing him. I'd rather feel like this forever than leave him. I just want to be normal and have a normal, perfect relationship just like all my friends. My friends seem happy and in love with their partner and I'm here feeling like this, but the thing is, I'd take a bullet for my guy... I really would. But when he does stress me out, the "mega bitch" releases and that is when I get worried because I'll do and say things I don't mean when I'm in those moods. That's when we start arguing and I don't like arguing with him.

    It scares me because I've gone out with some nasty people who used to hurt me psychically, so even if he flinches, in the back of my head, I get the feeling that he's going to hit me. I know he wouldn't do this to me, but the fear is still there subconsciously. I think that annoys him because I've told him about my past and I think he gets upset thinking I'm scared of him when I'm not; it's his mood swings I'm scared of.

    Can anyone relate to this?

Comments (34)

  • All I got from this is that you're 15, you're pregnant, and you're doing everything for your partner.I wouldn't be too happy either if I was you.

  • um... youre 15. 

  • .....................you're 15!? Holy moly. Girlllllllllllll. A relationship is the last thing you should be worried about.That young you shouldn't have this much responsibility. That's why you're stressed and unhappy. The best advice I can give you...if you really love this guy and want to be with him than I wouldn't see him everyday. And he needs to start carrying his weight. Like making his own food and stuff. That's not up to you. If not, and you really feel like you'd rather feel unhappy and stressed for the rest of your life than lose him?? I would suggest right now, it's not all about you anymore and it's time to start pulling yourself together for your child. You don't want to make your child go through your unhappiness with you.You got some serious soul searching to do. Don't see him everyday. Have him carry his weight and just think about things. Think about what's best for you and your baby.

  • Started reading, okay... stopped at "I'm 15". Okay, bye.

  • You're fifteen and pregnant. Okay, stop reading this comment and go to this website here:http://www.adoptionhelp.org/You're too young to be a mother. You're too young to have a husband. You already know this subconsciously, that's why you're freaking out and unhappy. Give the child to a family who can support and love him/her. Don't be selfish and pretend you can do this on your own. You can't!!!! 

  • Wow first off, you are pregnant and the way your are feeling is part of the pregnancy get used to it. As for you getting everything for your bf....you choose to do all of these things. You have a choice to not do for him the things you don't want to do. Second off.....he shouldn't smoke around you.The thing that makes me sad is you are 15 and are going to have less chances because of this ou have chosen to choice you have made to have unprotected sex and get pregnant, I hope that your family is willing to help you out as well has your bf's family.Wishing you luck in this whole life you have chosen to have.

  • Sounds like you enjoy being with abusive men.

  • Where are your parents? Go and talk to the high school counselors. Find out what they think. Get someone else's support and advice. You are 15...and your life is ahead of you. So many hopes and dreams. How are you going to support this baby? Have you thought of giving the baby up for adoption to someone who could love and support your baby? Good luck to you. You have a difficult road ahead of you. 

  • You're fifteen and you're pregnant. Firstly, you shouldn't constantly be around cigarette smoke and a partner who smokes all the time. That's bad for you and even worse for your unborn baby. At the very least, tell him to go outside when he smoekes.Secondly, where are YOUR parents? You're fifteen and WAY too young to be out on your own. It sounds like you're either living with your boyfriend or staying there a lot, and my advice would be - GO HOME. Go back to your mum and dad, get some rest and some support, and see your boyfriend a few times a week like other teenagers. You might be pregnant, but you need your space and time apart just like every other couple does.I think the problem here is that you're too young to be doing all this. You're fifteen, so even if you weren't pregnant, your hormones would be everywhere. However, you are pregnant, so you have pregnancy hormones to add to the mix, plus a boyfriend who apparently does fuck all, and from the sounds of it, netither of you work or actually do anything productive with your time. How do you expect to support a baby in this situation?Go home, grow up and get some help before your baby arrives. Your boyfriend needs to do the same. He shouldn't be smoking around you and don't even think about letting him smoke around the baby when it's born. You either need to be in school and getting help from your parents, or you need to get a job, because babies are expensive and a LOT of work.

  • you should've waited but it already happened so try to make the best of the situation however you can.my older bf is the opposite and does nearly everything for me willingly because he loves pampering me. he also gets pretty emotional when he thinks about the things that I've done for him. mutual effort and appreciation is how it should be. however, that's not always the case. you live and learn I guess. different people lead different lives. good luck.

  • yikes... ok you are 15 and pregnant. So unless you put the babe up for adoption you are stuck with this guy in your life for a long long time. Go get counseling NOW. Sounds like you are in a screwed up relationship and heading for a life of misery. Adopt the baby out (open adoptions are a lot more common now).. and get some help.

  • don't be mean ppl. She made a mistake. Prolly already feels like crap. So. you don't need to remind her the things she already knows: that she's 15, pregnant and has a boyfriend who likes fags. (such a great word)(Though on that note--you really ought to make him get his own cigs.)1) Sounds like you need a break from him. so tell him you've got a lot on your mind, and that you want to take a break and IF he's willing to wait, he can try again when you both turn 18. If he can't wait that long, he wasn't worth it. If you don't want to be the one to break it off, tell  him your mom or dad forbids you to see him till you're legal to vote. I'm not saying don't talk to him, but all boyfriend/girlfriend privileges must be revoked.2) Deal with your pregnancy first (And with the help of your parents or your friends, or an aunt or uncle or neighbor you trust) -- this may mean terminate. This may mean put up for adoption. This may mean keep it. BUT TALK TO AN ADULT.3) throw yourself a nice quince(+1)anero. Even if you're from like... from Africa, you ought to do something really nice for your next birthday.

  • I bet you feel really overwhelmed and scared. Things will turn out all right, and your baby will be okay. And I know the feeling of losing a boyfriend--it is hard at any age. But you will be better off without him in your life, at least as a romantic partner. I bet you all could be friends until you both age and mature a bit more, but I know that is very hard to break things off at all.Secondly, just going off of what is presented here, I would put the baby up for adoption so that she can have a good home. That is one of the most loving things you can do for your baby in the situation you are in, but I know that that might seem too sad to do...to give her up. Talk to trusted, wise adults in your life and get their feedback as well. They might be able to help you with the logistics, or just as moral support. Your life isn't by any means ending or at a dead end--you have lots of options to get the best help for yourself and your little one. Best of luck.

  • I have to agree with most people on here.  At your age you should be hanging out with friends and enjoying your youth, not attached at the hip to someone.  Don't compare yourself to others, everyone is different and what might be good for them might not be so good for you.  No offense, but you're still just a kid and the way you feel is likely a result of trying to grow up too fast.

  • I'm glad everyone decided to remind you that you were 15, in case you forgot.How you're feeling could be from your pregnancy. I've heard your hormones can be all over the place. But you should tell your boyfriend how you feel and talk to him about having some time for yourself and him doing a bit more to help out.You should be focusing on yourself. You're carrying a baby, so that should be your priority. If this relationship can't be fixed, get out of it. You're young enough to be able to bounce back from it.

  • Perfect relationships don't exist unless you work like crazy to achieve.... Side note, you are a child... You most likely haven't experienced enough social acclamation to successfully raise a child. Especially in this modern time... Braving a child rearing is incredibly, impossibly difficult... So you either need to figure your shit out with your man or give the child up for adoption.

  • how old is he? 

  • This post seems pretty unreasonable for a 15 year old. If it is true, you are trying to live way too much of life this early. Put your baby up for adoption, go to school, and be single and non-dating for a couple years...

  • The whole time when I was reading this blog I always thought you must have been at least in your mid-20s or older... Then I saw you are only 15.Good lord, girlie.  I really don't think you should give birth to that unborn child of yours, you need to rethink what you are doing there and rethink about this relationship because "perfect relationships" are really rare, and being in your teenage years, I really doubt you truly understand what you are doing there...

  • You are a baby yourself.  You should NOT be going through this.Don't keep thinking about what you are doing wrong, it's honestly normal for your age, and for being pregnant.

  • sometimes i swear datingish just makes up stories to fuck with us.

  • You're pregnant and 15. That is double the amount of hormones surging through your body. Go home and spend a week away from your BF to get some rest and be alone with your mom so she can take care of you. You're still a kid. Tell him you need some space because you feel kind of sick and that you need sleep. Tell him it's not him and that you just need a little breather because you are feeling very stressed out. You will both probably end up missing each other anyway and things will get better.If not, you're 15. You can move on.

  • tell him you'll cuddle with him when he starts taking care of himself. it takes two to make a baby, and he needs to be responsible for his actions. since you're the mother, you'll be taking care of it primarily. you don't need a second baby to watch after. you need to be TOP priority right now, and then the baby when it's born. if he can't deal with that, then you don't need to be dealing with him. end of story. 

  • always pray

  • @phoebester@xanga - Who are you to tell her she can't be a mother?

  • Actually, I'm curious. How old is your boyfriend...? Is he significantly older than you?

  • Uh, you're fifteen and pregnant.  Sounds pretty normal to me, considering you're still a developing young woman AND you've got those crazy pregnant hormones coursing through you.Tell your boyfriend to get off his ass and take care of himself.  Get yourself a support net; surround yourself with those you trust and can go to when you need help.  Go to a pregnancy center and get some counseling.  And remember that no relationship is perfect.  EVERY couple has rough times.  

  • You're 15 years old? I'll say that this DID NOT seem like it was written by a 15 year old, so I will give you some credit there.I'll also add that I have been with my husband for 6 years. I'm pregnant with his son (I have one son with him already - 13 months old) and I get easily annoyed with him this pregnancy. He is a lovely, wonderful husband but my hormones are raging all the time with this pregnancy. When he's at work, I can't wait for him to get home. But when he's home... I don't want to snuggle or be touched. I just want my space.DOING everything for him, however, is NOT okay. You are pregnant and (how old is he??) he should be acting like a man (assuming he's not really a man, yet, since you are 15 years old) and doing things for himself AND for you.If you genuinely aren't happy, you need to leave. You are young. Don't stay with someone just because it is comfortable. If you feel like this is probably just hormonal then I would talk to him about it. Have a serious discussion with him about how you are feeling.

  • I'd be a hypocrite to say you are too young to be in love/a serious relationship, however I've been with my boyfriend since I was 15 & we're now both 20, and we've been attached at the hip since day one. However, he has always treated me with utmost respect and admiration, which sounds like the exact opposite of your boyfriend. My honest opinion? You're too young to be living together, especially with his attitude. I don't mean to sound harsh, but do you really think you can raise a baby like that?Babies do not fix relationships, they add more struggle and hardship, which you really don't need since it sounds like you already are having a rocky relationship.

  • You're fifteen and pregnant....your hormones are going wild. You're also fifteen. Haven't you watched "16 and Pregnant"/"Teen Mom"? As much heat those shows catch, it's true. Teen pregnancy is hard. Motherhood is the hardest thing in the world. You're still a kid and now you must give birth to one and raise him/her. Things will get better. Just don't let this "problem" take over. Otherwise, you have another thing coming

  • Okay, passing through many comments, I guess I don't have to mention the, "You're 15 and pregnant, what the heck," cliche.But in all seriousness, what done is done, and I won't judge you for being young and pregnant. You're probably wondering why you're feeling disconnected with your partner. Well, a good scientific explanation is... you have raging hormones from your pregnancy. Pregnant women go through many mood swings, and husbands/boyfriends would have to bear with it for 9 months. You said you and your partner seemed so madly in love before and now that you're pregnant, you're annoyed of him. It's odd to admit this, but based on what I'm seeing... it could actually be normal. ALSO, I assume your partner is also young. He is going through puberty too. He wants to physically be with you and snuggle all the time because boys tend to have physical urges.So yeah... you're both having mood swings and crazy hormones. Try to overcome the moodiness. Work things out as an adult couple would do, because after all, pregnancy is a big responsibility. And don't live in fear because of your past. Take care of your present and what you have in front of you.LIVE YOUR LIFE as best as you can (without harming the baby). You're only fifteen. Good luck.

  • You are too young to be in this kind of situation.  Deliver the child, put it up for adoption, and consider ending things with your partner, or at least consider taking some time away from him.  You are too young to be a mother, no matter how "mature" you think you are; you are still a baby yourself, relatively speaking, so enjoy your youth while you are free of the responsibilities attached to adulthood.

  • I agree with much of the advice offered here. At 15 you are much too young to be in this situation. Raising a child is challenging for couples who have good jobs, homes and relationships. Since you apparently have little or no income, not even a high school diploma or GED, you are going to find it extremely difficult in the months ahead. Babies are very expensive and demand more attention that you are probably willing to give. If your relationship with your parents is good, please go to them and ask them to help and guide you. If not, look for a school counselor, pastor, aunt, gramma, someone older that you trust, and ask them to help you.I would strongly recommend that you give your baby up for adoption no matter how much it hurts now. Your baby will have a much better life than you will be able to provide now or for many years to come. You will be able to experience the rest of your adolescence as you should with time for additional schooling, and doing the fun things that teens do. In today's market, finding a job without a diploma or college degree is very difficult. You will gain a great deal of experience during the next few years that will help you in life and your relationships.  From what you have described it sounds like your boyfriend is not the best person to have in your life. Real love is mutual. One partner does not do everything for the other--they share and help each other. That means he should be willing to do things for himself, especially while you are pregnant so you have opportunity to get rest and care for yourself properly. And there are no perfect marriages or relationships. Those with great relationships will be the first to tell you that. They will also tell you that happy relationships require a lot of effort. Good relationships require good communication. Partners need to be able to talk to each other about their needs. Search your heart; you already know what is best. Then take your courage in your hands and do what you know you need to do. Praying won't hurt, either. I wish you the best as you work through your challenges.

  • be careful.  I was in a similar situation and after I had the baby my bf at the time didn't work or do anything but play video games while I did everything.  I got a job asap after having the baby and after only 4 days of work, I came home and our son had a skull fracture from being hit and bruises from being abused.  Thankfully I've moved on and he is long gone from our lives now.

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