June 24, 2013
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Challenging the Effects of the Sexual Revolution
Earlier today, I was having a very interesting conversation with my older brother about the sexual revolution. The sexual revolution was a social movement that started in the 1960s challenging traditional codes of conduct involving sexuality. My brother explained that as far as he knew, he was alone in the belief that the sexual revolution has not been an entirely positive thing for our society. He thought that sometimes, the so-called "liberating" qualities of the revolution only encouraged casual sex. (He defined casual sex as sex without emotion.)
He asserted, "in the absence of an emotional, spiritual or psychological connection (not necessarily attachment), you are using another person to achieve sexual gratification. The other person exists only as a conduit through which you achieve pleasure and self-satisfaction. Sex becomes a solipsistic activity and is functionally equivalent to masturbation. It is perversion, objectification, narcissism."
What do you think? Do you agree with my brother's assertions? What does the sexual revolution mean to you? Is it entirely positive?
Comments (30)
I agree with him.
i agree
I guess I've never thought of it that way, but I kind of agree.
I think it's tragic how many hurt people and broken hearts are out there. No one knows what to expect any more. Many want love and commitment but are hampered by the prevailing culture where they get used and left multiple times. Of course it happened in the "old days too", just once or twice a lifetime, not ten to twenty times a year like now...
Before, sex was just about procreation, which is a form of objectification. I disagree. Casual sex allows you to learn more about yourself as a person. Casual sex taught me how to grow emotionally. I was afraid of loving and being left and my life being completely over - now I know that life moves on after a relationship. If anything, I'm able to love "better" now because I can love without fear - yes, he might leave me, but I'm not afraid to show him how much I love him. I'm able to put more into a relationship that will probably end.Casual sex made me stronger. Yes, I had loved guys before I lost my virginity, but loving someone you have sex with and then ending the relationship is different from loving someone than you didn't sleep with and then end the relationship.I'm also not afraid of being left anymore. Before I was obsessed with making things work and getting married, but now I can appreciate dating for a few years and it not going anywhere - I can appreciate the love for what it is. Casual sex made me less desperate and more confident because there are other fish in the sea.
the same thing happened before the sexual revolution they just called it by a different name and it was government and religiously sanctified. you know what we call it? marriage.
Yep I agree. Sex without a meaningful connection is a big fail. So much better when you love and care about the person and he loves/cares about you! MUCH BETTER
I agree with your brother. Marriage is so much more than all that. I don't know why anyone could settle for less, or use others for their bodies when they could have so much more.
"Is it entirely positive?" is kind of a silly question. Every major societal change is going to have its ups and downs. But I can confidently say it's mostly positive.I hate arguments consisting of "Our social code of behavior regarding ___ has been abolished and that's bad because now people don't know what to do and there is chaos and confusion." This has been made about gender roles, too. "It's terrible that women are in the workforce now at a similar level to men because it's no longer clear who takes care of the home!" Because clearly having an adult conversation and deciding between yourself and your partner isn't an option, we need predefined expectations of each other. Please.The sexual revolution thing is similar. Before, everyone was expected to want marriage/kids/white picket fence. Now, it's suddenly ok to want other things, like dating for a long while, having sex before getting married (which used to happen *all* the time before the sexual revolution, too, let's not kid ourselves; it was just a bigger deal/more shameful when it was found out). So of course there's the head-grabbing and wailing "How will we know who's looking for what? Won't everyone just devolve into casual sex?" Because clearly we can't talk about it during the first couple dates. Or realize that people have different goals in life, and for many, marriage and kids are still on the table. No, we pull out our hair and wail "But they're USING each other!" Is it really "using" if it's mutual and consensual?But the most important ramifications of the sexual revolution...sex is no longer a dirty little secret. We are moving away from putting it on a pedestal or burying it in a deep dark hole. It's a normal bodily function, arguably even a need for a psychologically healthy adult. We can talk about its effect on teenagers; about how to make it safer, healthier, and/or more fun; we can teach about it. And those things, I believe, outweigh any number of hurt feelings involved in having multiple sexual relationships.
What a crock. Not everyone has the ability to bond with other people. I sure don't. For me, sex is only physical. I'm not the only one either. Not everyone is stupid enough to believe in the unproven notion of love. For me, people in general are objects, be they male or female, sexual partner or total stranger. We have no value other than what we artificially assign to ourselves. Get off your religious high horse. There are no secular or objective defenses for any of that. Only religious defenses exist, and since religion is bullshit so are those defenses.
He may be right on some points. But that doesn't make casual sex inherently bad. Taking a large portion of the shame and misinformation out of sex can never and will never be a bad thing.Romantic deep emotions aren't needed to have a completely safe, fun, fulfilling sexual encounter. Some of us don't connect sex with emotions. Nothing wrong with that.
I always think it's weird when there is an assumption about the past- usually a golden age type of assumption- that makes no sense. ESPECIALLY about sex. We didn't invent the wheel, people. I'm pretty sure that casual sex, adulterous sex, gay sex, group sex... whatever... already existed. What we've done is lessen the ostracism that people have to face about their sex lives, and that's good in my opinion. Even though I don't think that casual sex is a great, healthy idea all of the time, I am glad that it's not anybody's business these days.
It's funny, I can predict with an uncanny accuracy who would and who wouldn't agree with your brother on this. Notably secretbeerreporter, galliver, and Pure_Taint. So predictable.The little devil on your shoulder isn't going to tell you what not to do. So of course we scorn the angel for being controlling. Satan is so open-minded and supportive of what we want to do... and the angel is just raining on our parade.
Love the way your brother put it. <3
Sounds like your brother has sex confused with retail capitalism
I want to watch my crush masturbate. he is so sexy.I don't really feel that perverted towards my bf. idk why. he's too much of my best friend to objectify him in a dominatrix way. I'm suppose to feel comfortable to be sexual and other things with him, and we know each other well, but I just don't really fantasize about pornographic things about him. that's when my crush comes into the picture. my crush isn't really "in" the picture since he's just a crush. he's in my mind sometimes when I feel perverted he's sexy in his own way and my crush is sexy in other ways. I won't block out the sexy people!
I don't think it is objetification and narcissism. And if, then the connotation of these words is way too ugly, compared to what they 'do'. Some people like sex. If I look for a friend to play tennis with, you could say the same. An object for my pleasure, and my vanity because I like to hear I am good. But I am still a friendly person to them.I think it turns into something ugly when you don't care about the sex-partners feelings AT ALL anymore, but having sex doesn't equal that. You don't have to see them in the way some people see prostitutes.... as worthless, will-less dolls. (which they shouldn't.)You can still care about them like a good friend. It doesn't mean you treat them like shit in bed or elsewhere. The only thing that annoys me, is that sex itself has become a status symbol. I think it is icky, wet and annoying, just like kissing, and no, I am not unhappy and frustrated because I haven't done it in a few years. This phenomenon also derives from the perception that it *IS* a big deal though, which again stems from the idea you should only do it with someone you love deeply/ marry, that the naked body is something to be ashamed of and that sex and people who do are sinful and greedy, and therefore probabaly mean, and you should be really really careful with who you trust that much. (In other words, if you don't have it you are a socially inept loser who is ugly and prude and a coward.) These assumptioms sometimes are self-fulfilling prophecies. So yes, there ARE many people who look at their "fuck buddies" as a worthless object for their own pleasure, but you shouldn't generalize all people who enjoy casual sex as heartless narcissists.
And in time society will talk about the our present as positive and negative effects of captialism, instant gratification, and entitlement when things just is the way it is.
@the__assassin@xanga - I disagree. When was sex ever entirely about procreation? religion pushed it as a spiritual, loving, AND procreative activity. Never purely run around and find someone to reproduce with. And as an evolutionary/tribal thing, it was less about procreation as it was about pleasure.
What I love is the assertion that "What other people do isn't your business" because hey, I live on this planet too! And it's a particularly negative thing for someone who's uninterested in a relationship with a whore and the fucking thing changed society so much that it's making it increasingly difficult to find people who aren't.
^ This.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I'm so honored to be recommended by you.
Casual sex is definitely not for me. I have to trust the person first, know they don't have any STDs, etc. I wouldn't judge people who are into casual sex. That's their business, just as my preferences are my business. But it's not what I want for myself.What does bother me about the current culture is that it's often difficult to find like-minded people, especially since my reasons are personal rather than religious, and I sometimes feel judged, like I'm automatically a prude or psychologically damaged just because I happen to have different personal preferences.
i don't see a problem with casual sex as long as both people know where they stand with each other. @Jenny_Wren@xanga - i don't see it as settling for less, just wanting something different. with all due respect, we don't need your pity. if you cannot feel good about your own choices without making judgments of others, then i question your own happiness. in that sense, i think the revolution was fantastic.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - @creativearts2009@xanga - not sure where you guys live, but the social circles i run in are still very much obsessed with getting married, moving to the suburbs, and popping out kids. as someone in a relationship with no interest in marriage (i'm not religious and see no real secular need for it), i still very much feel a stigma against me for wanting something more casual.
@flapper_femme_fatale@xanga - But, I am happy with my choices..? Actually, I often think about how I am so relieved I made the choices I made. Not because I'm brilliant and haven't made mistakes, but for the very reason that I am prone to make mistakes. I see it as settling for less because marriage has what most people can't have with just a one night stand. The things mentioned here--psychological, emotional pleasure abounding in physical pleasure, with someone who knows you and cares for you deeply,and someone who learns to pleasure you better each time you make love. That sounds better than just "f*cking". And I mean better in all ways--not just one.
the french revolution has not been an entirely positive thing for our society either, but it is a million times better than louie XVI.
@flapper_femme_fatale@xanga - I'm not even really interested in marriage and having babies, either, I just want to have an exclusive relationship before I have sex with someone. It seems to me like a lot of my friends either are religious and waiting for marriage or they can have sex with someone without even knowing their partner's name and there aren't too many like me who are somewhere in the middle.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - "For me, sex is only physical."The chemical reactions occurring in a person's brain that produce an emotional reaction to sex are physical as well. The brain is physical, the chemicals are physical, the reactions they produce are physical. Or do you subscribe to the belief that emotions are of a magical origin?Sex is "only physical" for everyone. Perhaps the problem isn't with everyone else. Perhaps you have a chemical imbalance?
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