Arguments and disagreements are a part of every relationship. It is physically impossible to have a healthy relationship with a significant other and not disagree on at least a few things. Some arguments are big and emotional, some are just small and annoying.
Regardless, they happen and they usually suck. What is important to remember, however, is to deal with them in a way that resolves them, not escalates them.
I used to insist on talking out an argument completely until it was resolved. Sometimes that helped and the issue went away quickly, but other times it caused the argument to get bigger and more difficult to handle, sometimes lasting for days. As a result, I started just letting things go. If we started to get agitated with each other and it was clear that a resolution probably wouldn't be reached after a discussion, we both just leave the fight and cool off.
Usually, some time apart or a good night's sleep helps to clear our minds. In the morning we are able to more clearly see the situation, and we usually just end up apologizing and moving on. Andrew is important to me, and sometimes little arguments are just silly and not worth it.
It is important to be able to read your partner and know what sets them off. I can tell when Andrew is starting to get tired and grouchy and I know to just let it go, and he knows that when I get hungry or tired or stressed, I snap at the drop of a hat, and that's his cue to let things go.
How do you resolve arguments? Do you let them go or do you talk it through until you come to a resolution?
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Comments (4)
I think in most cases 'letting it go' would be the right answer but in most relationships there is one that can let go, and one that can't. So, what are you going to do when your significant other can't let it go and gets irritated/frustrated that you can 'just' let go of it? They might think you don't take the problem serious and walk away.I'm happy to let things go or give one another space, however, not everyone is happy with that solution so I try to talk things out (if I have to, and most of the times I have to talk things out).
hmm... dunno how it would go with me and My current SO. we haven't had an argument that needed resolution yet...Not to be mistaken with 'we haven't had disagreements' -- since we have had those. But we've never gotten to the argument part of a disagreement. In fact... come to think of it, my family has never had a real argument... unless you count the one time my brother accidentally threw out my mom's contact lenses and she said she chewed him out. That was weird. And over in a few hours.
First even before the discussion starts the person bringing up the top needs to decide if it's really an issue worth discussing. If it is, then it can be delayed to a more convenient time, but not just let go and ignored. That leads to a build up of resentment which will makes things worse over time.The key to remember is relationships call on compromise from both folks- each has to be willing to not entirely have their way because another person has a vote in things too. So you try to find a compromise that is agreeable to both.
I always ask myself if this is a real issue, or something I'm creating in my own mind. I'll even ask others if it's something they would get angry/offended over, to know if my frustration is an overreaction. If it pans out as a real issue, I'll bring it up but for the most part, I have never really had arguments or screaming matches in my relationships since I turned 18 and realized the way my parents fight is not how real arguments should be had.Now I really try not to escalate things. I love having polite, calm debates, and maybe this helps in real arguments because it kind of teaches you not to get pissed off when someone has a difference in opinion. It also helps I try not to date someone with a hot temper, because I have a hot temper and I really, really don't need to work myself into a tizzy when my temper is something I've really been trying to, erm, "get rid of".
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