June 26, 2013

  • Power Trip: Who Wears The Pants?


    In the beginning of my current relationship, there was no doubt, I was the one wearing the pants. It's not really something I set out to do, it sort of just happened. I have a fairly dominant personality and my boyfriend is the exact opposite. He has always been a fairly laid back person and for the most part, 90% of the decisions that had to be made would be made by me. My friends used to joke that I had my boyfriend "whipped," and to be honest, I kind of did, but as our relationship grew and progressed over the last four years, things have changed. 

    My boyfriend is one of few people who I care about more than I care about myself. I trust his opinions on things wholeheartedly and I love to hear what he thinks about the things I do, and how I do them. His support in my endeavors is very important to me. As time has progressed and things got more serious between us, there were decisions that had to be made that I couldn't make on my own! I couldn't decide for both of us if we were going to move in together. I couldn't decide for both of us if we'd go abroad together or go to different countries. I couldn't decide for both of us if we'd stay together after graduation. I had opinions on those matters, sure, but they were things that affected us, not just me!

    There was a shift in our relationship where the small decisions I used to make slowly started being replaced by bigger ones. Our relationship evolved to accommodate our new situation. I used to wear the pants, but now, we are on equal footing. In terms of who wears the pants, I guess we each get one leg. When a decision has to be made, we discuss it together. There are still times when I'll take charge of a situation, but there are also times when my boyfriend will do the same now. He used to be very quiet and introverted, which allowed my more dominant personality traits to well.. dominate and control a lot of aspects of our relationship. But now that we know each other quite well, a lot better than we did in the beginning, he is more comfortable making decisions with me, and I enjoy having a partner in my relationship. I enjoy having someone who is on equal footing with me, as opposed to someone who isn't.  

    What about your relationships, readers? Most of the time, who is the one "wearing the pants," you or your SO? Do you switch off between who is the more dominant one in the relationship, or is there clearly someone who is more in control? What are the dynamics of your relationship, or past relationships?

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Comments (11)

  • I have to be in charge of anything I'm involved in, be it a relationship, my bowling league team, a group school project, whatever. If I'm not in charge I go crazy. It has nothing to do with my sex, it has to do with my personality. I won't say I ever controlled my ex (because I didn't) but if I didn't like something she was doing I left her do it not in my presence. I didn't tell her she couldn't but I did tell her I was going to have no part of something I didn't approve of or like myself. 

  • it must be pretty uncomfortable always wearing the same pants at the same time all the time... how do you manage it with skinny jeans?

  • I don't like a guy who wants me to make all the decisions. I want his input and to feel like what we're creating relationship-wise is what we both want and that we're both working towards it.

  • Well, since I'm in a relationship with a girl, I constantly (and annoyingly) get asked who wears the pants. No one does. We make the decisions together, if it concerns her more than me I will prefer her to take more control over the situation. 

  • I'm pretty laid back and I always have been not to the point where I have no opinion or let someone 'control' my life, but I'm happy to sit back.Obviously if there is something that I completely disagree on then I would say something but unless it's on another level, I'm pretty happy for my girlfriend to 'wear the pants'.

  • It depends which bf and what's best for me. I really could care less either way and would prefer him to wear them though. I'm too lazy to care about stuff.

  •  I really don't think every decision needs to be endlessly talked out. there's a reason you're with your SO, you respect them and trust their judgment, right? big decisions, of course both people need to be involved. but when its little stuff like where to go to get gas or something, is there really a need for a round table conference? also, it helps to get to know your SO enough that you'll know what they consider trivial and what they consider worth talking over. 

  • my boyfriend likes to say that the two of us are type B.... it works out. Instead of having someone to make all the decisions, or both of us wanting to make all of the decisions-- we ended up both having to take the bullet and step up. So when it comes to major life choice matters-- we both want to discuss it... a lot. Otherwise, just go with the flow.In the past, I have had a boyfriend who never wanted to make decisions, but never wanted to do anything I suggested either. So.... I prefer now-way to old-way.

  • I'm pretty laid back when it comes to things like where I wanna go to dinner or plans for the evening, but with bigger more detrimental decisions, I think both parties need to be thoroughly involved.

  • I wear the pants but I wish I didn't have to all the time. It's taxing. I love my husband but frankly, he can be a hugely forgetful dumbass and doesn't often think far past what he wants to do at that moment, which is usually sleep.

  • I wear the dress, but it's all looks. I'm fierce as a lioness. ;]

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