June 27, 2013

  • Recent Study Shows Nice Guys Really DO Finish Last


    Well, nice guys don't always finish last, but a lot of the time, guys that are too shy to approach people miss out on the opportunity. It's usually the guys who are a bit more full of themselves who are more willing to put themselves out there. I'd say for the most part, cockiness is a pretty big turnoff. I was reading a really interesting article the other day about a new study that concluded in the dating world, men that have narcissistic tendencies are more successful.


    The article reads: 

    "Dufner and his team first measured narcissism levels in 61 men with an average age of 25, who were invited to join a courtship study in Germany. "We focused on narcissism as a personality trait, not the personality disorder," he said. "This means that everybody has a certain narcissism level -- for some it is higher, for others lower."     Next, the researchers asked the men to approach women they did not know on the street and get contact information. It could be a phone number, email or Facebook contact. "We tested if individuals with higher narcissism scores are more appealing," he said. On average, the men approached about 23 women. To rule out the possibility that the more narcissistic men were more selective in who they approached, the researchers analyzed each woman who was approached on her physical attractiveness and manner of dress. The narcissists weren't more selective. The narcissistic guys did get the girl more often. The higher the level of narcissism, the more likely they were to get more contacts. "The effect was not due to high self-esteem, but indeed the narcissism," Dufner said. The physical attractiveness and social boldness of the narcissists were the two likely reasons for their appeal to women, he said."

    At first I was surprised because I don't usually go for cocky guys, but after I let the idea mull around in my brain for awhile it made a lot more sense. Guys, and people in general, who think highly of themselves are usually more confident and thus are probably more successful when approaching people to ask them out on dates. I don't have a problem with people who are confident, but narcissism is a different story entirely. Obviously this study is showing only a small sample and one can't make too many conclusions from it, but I did find it interesting.

    What do you think about this study, readers? Is over-confidence to the point of narcissism a turnoff to you? This study claims that "every has a certain narcissism level," what do you think yours is? High or low? What about your SO's narcissism level, where would they be on the scale?

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Comments (16)

  • It's true.  Mystery was right.

  • this study isn't all that conclusive. I think the test parameters are not that good.  For a girl to meet a guy and only know him for a few minutes, sure she's going to go for the one who talks to her more. Let her know both guys for a prolonged amount of time and then see who she likes more.My narcissism ranges from high to low depending on how much I've drank.

  • is this news to some folks?to answer your proposed question, as i like to tell people:  bitch, i'm not conceited, i'm just awesome.  (it's hard to not be a little cocky when you're better than everyone else.)

  • As far as survival of the fittest goes, modesty and shyness are reserved for those who can afford to be them. Those who desperately need attention will get it, as those with a desperate need to pass their genetic code on will go out of their way to do so.@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Better than everyone else? Lol...

  • i think this is the third time a post about nice guys finishing last has gone up here this year... its kind of getting annoying.

  • I met a really shy, hott guy this past weekend.  We have a ton of mutual friends even though we just met while out that night, so I asked some friends about him and I've even heard people talk about him before, but hadn't officially met him until last Saturday.  One of his friends came up to me and said he really likes me but he's shy about it and asked me to start a conversation with him.  We talked briefly before that.  If you're a shy guy and you have a good friend, they can do that for you.  No excuses.I then asked mutual friends is that him putting up a front or is he actually shy?  Haha, everybody says he's actually shy that he's not playing around with that.  I have no idea what he needs to be shy about, though.  And he's also most wanted by girls and nice.  He didn't finish last  Our mutual friends said I'd be hated by every girl if we started dating. Lmao, good for that and I said he'd be hated by every guy as well with me.

  • amazing, that's really a hard work

  • it depends on the guy's overall charm. a black man talked to me today. I'd normally find the jokes to be creepy or obnoxious but he managed to get away with it. whether or not being black and naturally charming has to do with it and my affinity towards some black men...probably has to do with my reaction towards him. some might think he's cocky but he just had me laughing. I barely even know this guy. my white coworker, who tries to make jokes, is just awkward. sometimes he is funny but I usually don't really find him that funny. he probably thinks I'm arrogant for not laughing at his jokes. if I find something funny, I'll automatically burst out laughing. I don't want to pretend to laugh just to appease him since that would be insulting towards him. I think what I'm saying is that I usually think black people are funnier, sexier, and overall more charming than other races. I grew up listening to mostly black music and having posters of black music artists on my wall. I also liked tv shows and movies starring black people. I can't get enough of them. I've never dated a black man though. I've had a crush on tyson beckford for like a decade. how does r.kelly come up with such catchy songs that are both crude and smooth at the same time. I was listening to r.kelly's song called Snake just yesterday and omg those women are so hot. the one girl from the intro's abs are amazing, and she is so cute. how do they move their body like that. oh I know, they are a snake he has alibaba ninjas in the music video! I don't know why or how a post about nice guys turned into a comment about my love for black people not all black people, mostly tyson beckford

  • and later the article says: The study findings confirm what many experts have long suspected, said Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University who has written about narcissism. "Narcissists are very good at initiating relationships," she said. "On first impression, they come across as confident and charming. The problems arise later on, when you realize that he doesn't actually care about you -- it's all about him."Well, you don't need an "expert" to suspect that. To me it somewhat confirms what I always thought about the typical self-proclaimed 'nice guy'. I think there is this certain type of guy that does come across charming at first, and then complains about getting ditched, without re-evaluating his own possible mistakes or even listening. They sometimes do stuff that seems nice, but with the sense of entitlement they describe here, which is why they complain so much later on. Note that narcissists aren't always the most 'stable' people... they don't like when their self-image gets scratched.(Of course there are also REALLY nice guys who really get treated unfairly too)I also wonder what role age plays (for women.) After all the participants were relatively young. I now get somewhat suspicious when someone does certain things, that I probably would have interpreted as 'nice' or cute 10,8 or 5 years ago. Now it seems like a game. I wouldn't say I go for shy guys but I look wether we have a 'common ground' before I assume they honestly appreciate me, because they did something 'nice' or 'charming'. I also do know women who really like assholes, because it makes them feel special, but that applies to many types of relationships. To me these people are like Wormtail in Harry Potter. ...but personally they just make me want to fight them.

  • Yeah... it's not the 'nice guys' that finish last... it's the 'not obnoxious/outgoing/engaging' guys who don't ask first. Of course you'll finish later if you start after. And anyway, what is the intent of 'nice guys'/'jerks', to get any girl or get a good girlfriend. Cause I'm pretty sure that if your standards are lower and you ask a lot of ladies, your success rate will be a lot higher. 

  • I remember reading this but come on this line in paticular is kinda hypocritical I think.. "The effect was not due to high self-esteem, but indeed the narcissism," Id say in general if someone has high self esteem they probably are more narcissistic then a dude with out. =/

  • I like a little arrogance but too much is definitely a turn off. Though personally I don't care about the confidence level or narcissism level of people. I like good looking people who are not dimwits, regardless of the 2 aforementioned factors. 

  • The "nice guys finish last" has always struck me as whining from guys with a sense of entitlement. They think they are nice, so they think it means they are entitled to have any girl they want. Annoying. Guys who whine about that are rarely really nice.This article kind of suggests that nice girls finish last though doesn't it? They only talk about her physical attractiveness, but she could be a total bitch and her personality isn't even mentioned. I wonder why nobody finds that to be a problem?

  • @under_the_carpet@xanga - I posted my comment before I read yours. You said it better!

  • Cool study. I think it means that being cocky helps in getting dates from strangers who like cocky guys. BUT, that might not reflect anything about nice guys or jerks. The kind of person who will go on a date with a complete stranger may be into the narcissistic kind, and perhaps the kind of girl who goes for a nice guy wouldn't date a complete stranger. That would account for the fact that nice guys have a bad pick up game. But this doesn't mean narcissists are better at getting dates among their peers, friends, or others with whom they've known for a while. I know from experience that "nice" (reliable, mannered) guys are better in those contexts than the narcs. Some nice guys finish last.Also, mean guys might get the first date in the first week of school. But they get a bad rep pretty fast in a closed environment like college or work. So mean guys finish first but also burn out first. Take your pick.

  • btw I don't get the picture.

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