June 29, 2013
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The Choice After Someone Cheats
Last summer, I went back to my high school to visit. I bumped into my soccer coach, and we started discussing her recently getting re-married. She gushed about how attentive her new husband was to her and her two children from her first marriage. She was really grateful for this because her first marriage ended pretty messily, and her boys did not have much of a father-figure around. She mentioned that, of course, no one wants to get a divorce, and no one in her family had gotten a divorce before her. "But you know," she sighed, "I didn't really have a choice."Her first husband had had an affair, fallen in love with this other woman, and asked for a divorce. My coach did not have much of a say in the matter. Her choice was basically made for her. However, what if you do have a choice after someone cheats?
I was speaking with a relative who has been married for over forty years. She and her husband are the epitome of true, unconditional love, in my opinion. One day, however, she shocked me by admitting that her husband had cheated on her during their early years of marriage. When he told her, she was faced with a choice: to stay with him or to kick him out. She chose to stay with him, and she is convinced that it was one of the best decisions she has ever made.
Have you ever been cheated on and been forced to make this choice? Have you ever had the choice made for you, like my coach? When given the choice, what did you decide? Did you regret your decision? Or are you glad you made it?
Comments (10)
I had the choice made for me, and I was furious about the unfairness of it all at the time. Now I'm grateful things turned out the way they did. He really did make the best choice for both of us, despite his weak, pathetic reasons for making the choice.
It has never happen to me, but if it did, I'd never give them a second chance. If someone isn't mature enough to understand the consequences of their actions, then I wouldn't want to be with someone like that anyway.
I've been cheated on and been given the choice..and left. I don't regret it at all but we weren't married like your relative, were def not the epitome of true love and had a multitude of other previous problems and his cheating was just the straw that broke the camels back. If it was someone awesome who screwed up one time and I vowed to love for-ever; I'd give them a chance. But I know trust is extremely hard to rebuild once broken. Good blog. Zoe
No, I would not take back someone after he cheated. It was as though the whole relationship was a lie if he did cheat. I don't care if it's once or many times. Cheating is still cheating. And that's something that I'd never forgive. Well I could forgive him, but I wouldn't have to take him back.
Of course it depends on the circumstances. If my husband who I loved dearly and only made the mistake once? I would desperately try to repair the relationship if possible and see if we could make it through. I don't think we would (because I probably wouldn't be able to let it go and move forward), but I would at least give it a fair shot.Any other mothafucka where there's no future of marriage with? FUCK NO.
My boyfriend cheated on me while we were long distance. He was in the Army, drinking a lot and lonely. Honestly I'd have been way more surprised if he didn't cheat on me. He came home to me though. And he's stayed with me every day since. He could go out and party and bang other girls, but he doesn't. We've been together 18 months and we're moving in together tomorrow.
Never been cheated on, and I honestly don't see it happening. I've told my husband multiple times to discuss it with me if he's ever unsatisfied, or interested in someone else.
The battle...I have been the one cheated on, the other women, and the cheater.Each has very bad consequences.When I was cheated on, I had a choice and I held up my morals in that NO woman or man would ever hit me or cheat on me more than once. But, the decision was easy since I didn't love him.Being the other women, while not by choice, sucked. I still feel like a home wrecker to this day. I didn't know that he was with her and that she had his child.Being the one that cheated... Oh, I don't have an excuse. But maybe a reason. I have severe mental problems, and trust issues. I had been away from my boyfriend and I had been drinking. I later in therapy found myself admitting that I got drunk knowing that the girl I thought was hot would make out with me. That it would be a great way to see if Zach really really loved me. And I almost didn't give him a choice. I broke up with him, due to my betrayal. But under his anger, he called me back time and time again to keep me. He loves me. And I love him, and my cheating on him could have been the only thing that would make me see how much I loved him and how much he loved me.:/
at this point, i think i would just walk away. cheating is a really conscious decision no matter how it happens. there is always a point where a person has an opportunity to decide what theyre doing is wrong and can hurt people and that they should deal with their feelings in another way.i have always said that if my boyfriend cheated on me i would end it right there and never look back. a lot has to happen before the act of cheating occurs and there are plenty of opportunities to stop it.however, i do think that if i had a family with the person, my decision might not be so clear cut and difinitive, since there are others involved.i just think if a person wants to be with someone else, they should end the relationship instead of cheating
I'm a firm believer in the "one and done" mentality. That is, you get one chance and if you mess that up you're gone. Does this mean I may miss out on true love because of someone's stupid mistake? Well, maybe. But I'm not willing to settle for less than I deserve, and if I'm giving my all to one person I damn well expect the same in return. So if I was given the choice after my partner cheated, they would be gone. No question.
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