June 30, 2013

  • Why Do Men Move on Faster From Break-Ups?


    Human nature and the differences in how men and women deal with different life situations has always been of great interest to me, especially when it comes to moving on from a break-up.     As a woman, going through a break-up is akin to a sort of death. You mourn the relationship, at least I do, and I turn to focusing on myself, throwing myself into my work in order to cope with the current situation. Every woman is different but for the most part, women after a break-up take to the bed, i.e. hysterically crying and being unable to leave the confines of your bed. It becomes your safe little island where you can be yourself, the emotional wreck that you are at the moment.

    After a break-up one of the last things on my mind is jumping into bed with someone else to help me recover, a sort of pounding the pain away you might say. This does not work for me. Women tend to really deal with and feel their emotions, while mean deal with break-ups in a completely different way.

    Huffington Post article Breaking Up: Why Do Some Men move on Quicker Than Women? although more in relation to divorce, holds true with any serious relationship and long-time love. Huffington Divorce blogger Jackie Pilossoph offered insight into why men tend to fall into rebound relationships:

    "Men will have a new woman in two minutes and anybody who's getting a divorce must prepare for that -- you will see your ex with a girl within two minutes of breaking up," she said. "Men fix their anxieties and their depression and everything with women. A woman fixes it with trying to either jump into work, or they will focus on their children, go to a therapist or they'll try to get it together."

    Rebound relationships with men and emotional taking-to-the-bed and focusing on non-relationship activities with woman do not hold true for all but general consensus is that these occurrences are more likely with each respective sex. In reference to men and women who are coming out of a divorce, I cannot speak from personal experience; however, my boyfriend is recently divorced and I know that he was able to move on a lot quicker than his ex-wife, dating and sleeping with other women right away and moving on to another relationship, whereas his ex wife lingered a while longer only recently moving on to another relationship over a year and a half after their split. Men tend to play out their emotions and deal with issues through sex. Women are different creatures and there is no denying that.

    Please watch the Why Some Men Move on Faster Than Women video, via the Huffpost for further male insight and interview with Jackie Pilossoph.

    How do you deal with a break-up? Or thought on this issue.

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Comments (25)

  • You're joking, right? I thought it was women who moved on faster, or at least had more resources available to them for recovery. 

  • I think it's a person by person basis when it comes to who gets over the relationship first. It has a lot to do with each individual's resiliency, the circumstances and their attachment to the other person.

  • Men are more logical and cold.    Cue butthurt.

  • Yeah I thought it was the opposite. My average "move-on" period is about a year

  • didn't you listen to gucci mane?  girls are like buses.  miss one, next 15 one coming.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxiugsEhm3Imen get over break-ups more quickly because we aren't slaves to our emotions.  @Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - i think you're wrong.  girls don't get over guys more quickly.  they are more likely to start seeing other people before they are ready.  of course, this is counterproductive, because not only does that baggage build up, but the guys get screwed over in the process too.  (this is the guys' fault too, for not knowing better than to date a girl who's rebounding...)

  • Where was I reading something about this recently...I don't remember..but it made sense.Whoever wrote what I read said that women have a total melt down initially, but then get over it faster, whereas men APPEAR to be fine initially (looking as though they got over it quickly) but in reality, remain butthurt about it for a much longer time than a woman would.

  • I think this is interesting, woman are definitely more 'slaves to their emotions' than men. I've noticed that difference between myself and my brothers. I don't think it's a bad thing though because I definitely wouldn't want a world full of men and women who are like men. I like that I am more emotional. With a break up it's not that I take longer to get over my ex, I take longer to adapt to the change of not having them around and the change in my life. I didn't miss him perse I just needed to find all these new things in my life or reignite the old things that I had left by the wayside when we got together. That's my opinion anyway. I don't hyseterically cry and stay in bed, but I was sadder for longer and took longer to get 'over it'.

  • @TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Actually, that sounds about right.

  • I don't.  Maybe that's just a feminine trait I have.

  • Well, 80% of my relationships have just been humoring the person because I wasn't all that interested. That's right. Of the 5 "relationships" I've been in, 4 of those times the girl has asked me out. I said sure, went on a few dates and after that just kind of let them go. I kind of let them let me go when they realized I wasn't all that into them. Unlike the majority of people on Datingish, I see no harm in humoring a date request even if I'm not all that attracted to the person (mostly because I don't fuck people just because we're dating). When you're mature and in control of your emotions and physical urges, dating a person isn't some huge thing... likewise, neither is breaking up.When you allow yourself to become emotionally attached to a person, you're not only wronging yourself but them as well. It fucks with a person's head and heart to behave as though you're interested, explicitly say you're interested, make claims and promises like you're interested, and take everything back just because it's not working out for you.My "move on" time is about immediately. Even in that 1 case (out of the five I mentioned) when I asked the girl out, after a 2-year relationship in high-school, I moved on the very day I broke up with her.My philosophy is simple. If it's that painful and difficult, maybe it's because you're doing something you shouldn't be.

  • I average about a day to a week to fully move on and be able to see an "ex" with another girl without being upset.  My longest relationship (aside from this one- I'm married to) was 1 year 10 months and I finally got him to break up with me (abuser).  I instantly had more confidence, was happier, I lost weight (I was almost 200 by the time we broke up), and I felt more secure within one week of us breaking up for good.  My shortest was just a few days and I had a harder time getting over him than anyone else.  All the others were just a few months, I burned out and got sick of them so I broke up with all but 2 and had no regrets about the break up, no crying and nothing but the feel of freedom- maybe I'm more masculine about how I handle break ups in general- I truly never cared, not repressed but never cared.  I was never in love with any of the guys with the exception of the one I'm with now and I know that would change.  I wouldn't stay in bed and do nothing but cry but I wouldn't move on within a few days to weeks and I know I'd never get married again but I don't believe in divorce (abuse and infidelity are the only exceptions) so we're not planning on divorcing but he's the only one I'd have issues recovering from and we'd have to see each other due to having kids. 

  • lol more reasons not to listen to pop psychology bs. i read a few articles/studies in the past that says the exact opposite

  • it's because women are emotional creatures, characterized by irrationality and sensitivity. they are sentimental and hold onto to memories, even of friends. women cry easier than most men. men are logical and focused on physical attributes. that's why I know that if I look good to a guy, it doesn't take a lot for him to want to go out with me. however, if a guy looks good to me, I won't jump at the chance to date him until I figure out his personality, chemistry, etc.

  • I always thought it was the girls that moved on faster as well. At least that was my experiences. They have like one good cry (or not) and they have the assets to get a new guy's attention, or they already have. Personally, I dive into school, extracurriculars, and hobbies.

  • I disagree with the article saying men deal with our emotions through sex and women, as if they'r a substance we just take. It's a very simplistic, and a bit of an insulting explanation. That said it's just easier for us to deal with another person and not be hung up on an ex or let that stop us from moving on with our lives. It's much easier for males to turn away and not look back. Why not if we're the ones who have to do a lot of the work to get the relationship going in the first place? There are plenty of women to go around, no sense in moping about the past. It should even be an unattractive quality to females if males take long to get over exes or move on with their lives even if they might not fully be over the past person.  

  • Men can drink more without dying?

  • Actually in my personal experience (( myself included...not just my friends )) it was woman who moved on faster. And the men were taking their time. So I'll never believe that men move on faster. Because I've personally seen otherwise. Girls were ready almost right away to find another and have fun. It was the men that took longer because they missed them and were hurt. Actually almost scarred. And NONE of these men were very emotional. So it's shocking how things can work.

  • @wildchildofthebluemoon - I totally agree with this!!

  • My ex jumped into another relationship quite soon after the breakup, because she had the means to do so quite easily. Doesn't mean she was emotionally ready at the time. Most of us will probably never know if an ex has actually "moved on" or not. I've yet to see someone define exactly what having "moved on" actually means. Just because they're fucking (or even dating) someone else doesn't mean they're necessarily over you. Either way, it's fucking horseshit that men move on faster. It depends on the circumstances of the relationship and how invested you were. My breakup was a kind of death to me too. I had to sort through a lot of stuff for a while before I was back on my feet, emotionally speaking.

  • I don't know if 'men move on faster from break ups' so much as they do not demonstrate loss the same way women do. In my experience, the number of men who completely collapse (For a long time) after breaks are about equal to the number of women who suffer. Likewise, the number of women who could care less that their ex-SO split from them is the same as the number of men. I think it depends on who is in the relationship, and which party is more involved. It's not about the sex of the person getting over. 

  • But cue 6 months after the woman has gotten over the relationship, then the man wants to come crawling back with his tail between his legs. We all have our talents. After all the new women wear off, they have to confront their feeling eventually.

  • I don't believe we are different creatures. I mean every individual ia different creature, but you get what I mean. And yeah, there are certain tendencies, sometimes even strong tendencies, but still.Also what does 'move on' even mean? if I used someone as a substitute and still thought about the person 6 months later, I wouldn't call that 'moved on'.

  • @under_the_carpet@xanga - Depends how you think about them. If it was someone really important to you, and you still think about them once in a while, I think that's normal. But if they're a regular part of your thoughts despite the fact that you've been with someone else for 6 months, then you probably haven't moved on.

  • is this a competition or something?

  • @gamecubeholic@xanga - yeah, I completely agree. I meant as in longing for them. I am friends with my ex now, so obviously I think about him then and when, but I am not sad or angry or "have hopes"....we're just friends.

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