July 1, 2013
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The "Official" Ultimatum
This past spring break, I decided to visit my brother in Miami before he graduated. On my last night there, I took him and his best friend who had graduated the year before out to dinner. They were talking about how it seemed like all of their friends were getting into serious relationships. "Yeah, Craig* is dating that girl now too," my brother's friend noted, "she gave him The Ultimatum." My brother nodded knowingly.
The Ultimatum that he was referring to is a specific one that girls give guys who they are hooking up with most of the time. According to my brother and his friend, The Ultimatum is the reason the majority of their friends had girlfriends. They claimed that a lot of their friends would never make their relationships official until the girl demanded that they do. That is where The Ultimatum came in.
Once I got back to school, I told my roommate about the chat we had had about The Ultimatum. I told her it really surprised me; I would think that if the guy (or girl) wanted to make his relationship official, he would simply do it of his own free will. If he needed an ultimatum to do so, then that didn't seem like a very good sign. My roommate, however, was not surprised at all. She said it was quite common and proceeded to list off couples we knew where the girl had given the guy an ultimatum.
Have you ever been given an ultimatum concerning romantic relationships? Have you ever given a person an ultimatum? Would you ever consider giving one? Under what circumstances?
Comments (8)
Do you mean girl has sex with guy and then eventually wants it to be a relationship, so she says no more sex or we are officially an exclusive couple?Sex before being exclusive lends itself to being more prone to STDs. Gross. But I'd never put myself in that situation, so I'd never have to give an ultimatum. If I was in that situation, though, it's unlikely I would give him an ultimatum, though. I'd probably just stop having sex with him, and if he wanted me around without the sex, then it's worth it to talk about being something more.
this super hot half black guy wanted me to officially be his gf. he described how we'd go out together and people would see us and think what a hot couple we are so he wanted me to be his armcandy to show off. we didn't have sex yet. we resisted one another for a while we were playing the, you can't have any of this sexy body tease game, which was quite fun and see who would cave in first. he looks so hot naked as hot as he was, I didn't really have much in common with him nor was I really feeling it to want a relationship or even a fling. I told him and every guy that I don't have sex unless I'm in a serious committed relationship, so it was my ultimatum of sorts, so he wanted it to be "official" because then he thinks that I'd have sex with him. I have a bf now and we don't revolve it around sex related activities or conversation topics. so being in a relationship still doesn't necessarily mean that I'll have sex with him, but it means that I won't totally diss the request. my bf is a diva, too, so it isn't like he doesn't refuse or isn't in the mood. I enjoy having a best friend 75% and 25% romantic. the percentage could vary and fluctuate, but lately, that's how it has been sometimes it is 90% sexy and 10% other.
No, never done that. For whatever reason, most of the guys who were interested in me not only wanted a girlfriend, they wanted to marry me too.
I never give ultimatums.I just play mind games and date other guys and make him totally jealous until he gives me the Ultimatum.
Have I ever told a guy that if he wants in my pants, they better be the only pants he's in while he's dating me? Yepp. I don't really share well.
I hate ultimatums. Though I wish I had given an ultimatum to my ex, it would have made the boundaries much clearer for the eventual end. In general though, I have discovered that I am very different from the normal girl when it comes to these kind of things. My first relationship, I asked if we should tell anyone-- and we never officially got together but eventually started referring to each other as BF/GF. My current one I purposefully avoided calling him my boyfriend because I didn't want to be presumptuous and I didn't have any plans at the time to start a relationship. It was random chance that the topic came up, when he was planning to skype with his parents and asked me if I wanted to say hi. I had said, "That would be really awkward. What do I say? HI B's MOM AND DAD! I'M B'S FUCKBUDDY!" "It won't be awkward" he replied, "And for the record, I'm already calling you my girlfriend when you're not around."Later that night I asked him if he wanted me to call him my boyfriend. We were officially (and appropriately titled) a month later IMO, you shouldn't give up a good thing just because someone doesn't want put a label on it. This I usually apply to marriage, DO NOT EVER FORCE SOMEONE TO GET MARRIED-- but dating long term (like... 14 years) is not a shameful option. Same thing with dating-- if it's good (and in some cases exclusive), but it's not official, then why break it off? titles are overrated.
@the__assassin@xanga - well done.
@DenimPants@xanga - And well said. IMO it's hard to put a label on things nowadays with how wishy-washy everyone is. There are some people who want and need that solid commitment, and others who run away if it's introduced too quickly. Personally, I'm a runner. Ever seen Runaway Bride? That's me. I've run away from my last 4 relationships once they started using the world girlfriend in front of me. I cared about them, but for me that word is something that has to be earned. And not by sleeping with me. I've been given an ultimatum before. My response was respect my space or be ejected from it. I'm exclusive with you and that should be enough. But again, everything is contingent on the person.
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