July 16, 2013
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What If Your SO Was Behind Bars?
My current obsession is the Netflix original series Orange Is the New Black. If you haven’t seen it, here’s a brief synopsis: Piper Chapman is a prissy, well-to-do New Yorker with a secret. 10 years ago, before meeting and getting engaged to that guy from American Pie, she was in a lesbian relationship with an international drug runner. Piper got involved in the drug business, got caught, and got 15 months. She and her fiancé are definitely struggling with her sentence, and it makes me wonder: what if my SO was behind bars?Like I said in my post on unconditional love, I think I would still be able to love Mercedes even if she did something awful (or, in this case, something that landed her in jail). That being said, if we really were in this situation, it would definitely put a lot of strain on our relationship.
In Orange, Piper is allowed to make occasional, monitored phone calls, and her family members can visit her in a communal room for a short amount of time. During these visits, two hugs are allowed – one upon arriving and one upon leaving – and kissing must be kept to a minimum. Though this is better than no contact at all, it would still be tough. Just think about it. No cuddling, no sex, no movie nights or dates… These visits and phone calls would certainly be a plus, but they would also be a bit of a tease.
A couple’s trust would also be tried in this scenario. For however long the sentence is, you’d have to trust that your partner would stay faithful. Piper needs to trust that her fiancé won’t get lonely and seek out women at the bar, and her fiancé needs to trust that Piper’s lesbian tendencies don’t resurface in an all-female prison. (If you can’t already tell, this show is juicy.) Though I’ve never been in a long-distance relationship, I imagine this would be similar, but much more extreme.
I guess I should answer the titular question. If Mercedes was behind bars, it would fucking suck. I would still love her, and I would call and visit as much as possible, but it would still suck. We’d be able to get through it, but… again… it would suck.
What would you do if your SO was in prison? Have you ever been in this situation, or do you know someone who has? How did it work out?
Comments (11)
I would love 'em and leave 'em, as hard as it may be.I don't get in trouble with the law. The most "trouble" I've ever gotten into are parking tickets because of stupid Street Sweeping. (and Saturday School in the 8th grade because I didn't turn in 3 homework assignments). It's easy to avoid getting in trouble. I'm in my 20s and I've never been in jail. I've also never been arrested, and I've also never gotten a DUI.
Depends if what they did was immoral, and if so to what extent. I don't consider drug pushing to be inherently immoral as a trade, so I would stand by my man if that were the case. I would insist that he find a more meaningful career. I don't consider unaccounted for obstacles a reason to leave someone I love.
It doesn't seem that much different than a long-distance relationship. You can barely talk to them or see them (if at all) and plenty of people find a way to make that work. I know there is a big difference between being incarcerated and being separated by distance but the basic obstacles would be the same.Personally, I don't think I could do it. I had a long-distance thing going on about a year ago but all the promises of eventually meeting and being together were apparent fabrications since she is now with someone else. At least I didn't get any farther than starting to make long range plans around her. I think love can survive just about anything if both people are willing to put out the effort but so often it's one-sided. If you do something to wind up in prison you can't expect the other person to wait while you serve your sentence.
I would leave them. I would do this not because I think it would not work out (see earlier poster's response involving long distance relationships and because really nonviolent drug offenses are the most retarded things criminalized ever...other crimes it depends) but because America has gotten so hostile and aggressive in its pursuit of prosecuting drug crimes that I would be scared for myself just to be connected with someone involved in it.
My SO is in state prison!
So far it has been a never ending struggle. I love him completely with all my heart and he is a good person just a victim of circumstance and a foolish man for trusting some shady ppl. he didnt kill anyone and he did not commit a crime in which anyone was hurt. but the fact that he is gone till 2016 at least and is held in a facility 3 hours away and I have no license until i am through with chemotherapy and radiation makes it hard when the only contact we have is by mail. we have made it thus far and i have good faith we can make things work in the long run its not easy but love really does play a huge part.
@sassysavylee@xanga - That's definitely a tough situation.
I'm glad to hear that you guys are staying strong, though! 2016 will come before you know it.
I'd stay with them. Well, perhaps not if he or she had done something I can't forgive or that ruins my trust, but in that case the break up would not directly be linked to 'being behind bars'. Being on the outside is always MUCH easier than being on the inside ...a few years of not having sex can be overcome, and I can still have a lot of physical contact with and emotional support from other people, if I want.I think I'd have more problems if I was the one in prison. I wouldn't want to feel guilty for my partner being unhappy. I'd leave before they leave me.
I agree with @Facetiouseloquence@xanga.As long as the person causes no harm to any living being (or to herself) she can do whatever she wants and I'd stand by her and support her... but if it's anything illegal, I'd push her to find a career that makes a positive contribution to the world, or at least one that doesn't ultimately result in others being a detriment to their own health.
One of my closest friends is in prison (this is the second time; he violated his parole for something ridiculously stupid). He went in the first time for a misunderstanding/poor interpretation of the law by a judge who made up her mind about him before he ever set foot in a court room. And long story short his now ex-girlfriend/baby mama is a crazy bitch and even though she was pregnant with his son when he went away the first time, she still messed around behind his back and continued to do so even after he got out until he went in the second time when he finally called things off (and she continued to mess around with other dudes). He's also hoping to get custody of their son when he gets out because, as I said, this bitch is crazy and he didn't commit a violent crime. He's been using the legal library to build his case and he talked to his lawyer and he thinks he can do it. I hope he does. But I digress.Basically, what I've learned from watching my friend's situation is that sometimes good people go to jail. And if you aren't a crazy bitch with major issues (including but not limited to trust issues), you may be able to make it work. But it is hard. Phone calls can only happen so often at certain times of the day, letters are slower than slow, and visits are limited. It's harder than normal long distance because then at least you can text and call and Skype as often as possible. In prison, there is no texting and no Skype and limited phone calls. If, in the future, a boyfriend or husband of mine ends up in prison, I'd probably try to make it work (depending on why he went to jail in the first place). I don't know if I could do it - I've done long distance and it sucked and as I said, this is harder - but I'd try.
@samanthamolton - thank-you
Depends on what their behind bars for and if they are innocent or guilty...and how long they are behind bars.....if it is something minor i will be right by their side but if it is something major like they just murdered theitr parents...then I am out of there!
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