July 17, 2013

  • Is This How Most Guys Feel All the Time?

    I recently posted about my friend who was dating an inexperienced guy. (Find the post here.) For a quick update: they are still seeing each other, and they still have not kissed since the first (and only) time they made out. Last night, as he was walking her to her car, my friend was getting excited because she thought he would finally go in for the kiss. Instead, he leaned in for yet another awkward hug. He tells his friends that he likes her, so at this point she has had it. She has decided she needs to "man up and do it." This morning, she quite exasperatedly asked, "is this how most guys feel all the time?" 

    By "this" she meant the frustrating feeling of having to make the first move. In this situation, my friend feels particularly frustrated because she is not used to having to make the first move. So, she is a bit confused and disappointed with her shy guy. At this point, my friend is ready to make the first move, but she can't help but wonder why her guy is not. 

    How do guys feel about usually being expected to make the first move? How would you feel if a girl made the first move? Ladies, do you automatically expect the guy to make the first move? 

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Comments (13)

  • the black man in the pic is hot!after I'm certain that he likes me, too, then I don't mind making the "first" moves when I want him badlybut making the first moves with a stranger that I'm attracted to isn't exactly something that I do, probably because I'm usually not looking for dates, not that you have to go on a date when you talk to the person. I usually hate small talk and hope nobody strikes up a conversation and starts talking like nonstop and I can't seem to stop the person unless I quickly walk the other direction and say that I gotta go! but one time I was trapped on a bus with a talkative tina senior citizen and oh geez! I don't want to tell an old person to STFU! so I patiently waited until I arrived at my stop and left! but she got off at the same stop I walked faster as if I was in a hurry*Whew* it seems that the more that I seem aloof and ignore people, the more they want to strike conversations with me, not just males, who are maybe interested in me, but people of all ages and genders that just like to talk with anyone. if I look like I'm not interested, I most likely want to be left alone, so please, read my body language and move along!

  • Why doesn't she ask him what the deal is?

  • Honestly, I am under the impression that "manning" up is called as such because it is masculine to be the dominant person in a relationship, thereby more natural to males.  If I were in your "friend"'s situation, I would probably prefer someone who sought me out more aggressively.

  • Not sure. I'm generally not concerned with what most people are like. I use only the best of the best as a point of reference when I'm curious about other perspectives, and even then I'm most often unsatisfied with my findings.If you want to take out all of the guess work, it's surely how some guys feel all the time. Alas, you probably want to relate to most people. That's comfortable.

  • Generally speaking, guys usually just assume it's expected of us to make the first move but we'll usually look for clues to suggest when is the best time to do it successfully.  Maybe it's not clear enough to the lad that she wants him to kiss her.  Gotta tell ya, you feel pretty dumb if you go in for a kiss and the other person rejects you.  When women make the first move, it's almost always welcomed and kind of flattering cuz women normally won't initiate unless they really want to make it happen.

  • In this case, a compromise is in order. She wants to move fast. He wants to move slow. The two need to talk it out and find the middle ground.

  • I don't mean to offend, but how old is your friend? This whole situation sounds like it's happening between teenagers. I am dating a "shy guy". I had to make the first move, which didn't take that long and I had NEVER made a move in my life, let alone the first one. Yes, she needs to "man up" especially if this has been going on for a while. If you want something, go and get it. My situation with my shy guy went like this: We talked for the first time at a party where he was drunk, so able to speak to females. Afterwards, I texted him after having gotten his number. He did not seem interested. I persisted with curiosity because he just seemed awkward to hear from a mutual friend that he was interested and he's just very shy. I stepped outside my comfort zone and was flirtier than I'd ever been and when we hung out at his place for the first time alone (this had been after 2-3 weeks of talking in public and another party where drunkeness led to public couch cuddles), I went in for the kiss. My point is, if you want a shy guy, I think you need to be okay with making the first move and seeing where that goes or nothing will happen. If he's not into you, at least you tried. I don't think there's anything wrong with girls making the first move, but I prefer when guys do. I love my shy guy, but I like feeling like someone is after me and wants me. 

  • When I was having some serious with personal space and whatnot, my ex told me he would back off... only he backed off ENTIRELY. Sometimes you just need to communicate with a guy and specifically let him know of your boundaries. If she doesn't like how slowly things are moving, she NEEDS to talk to him about it. Bottom line.

  • to answer your question, it's only frustrating in the sense that girls seem to NEVER appreciate the difficulty that many guys have doing this.  i've talked about this before, in the sense that girls tend to have this shit-don't-stink attitude where they expect it to happen just because they are used to it.  shit, and that's not even taking into account all the mind games your people love to play.  basically, this is why i say so frequently that i wish i was gay.oh, my favorite is the hypocritical bitches who say "i want a guy to ask me out first and make all the first moves so i know he's confident."  well yeah, what about YOU?  jesus, people are dumb.  ("you" meaning those with that attitude.)  anyway, i'm glad your friend (and hopefully you) learned something from this experience.  and one more thing - though this topic has been written about before, it's never been from this particular perspective, so i want to commend you for writing about something new :)

  • I think the guy doesn't want it as much as your friend does. I dated a girl for a couple months and never kissed her because I never developed strong feelings for. I knew she wanted me to kiss her based on the situations she arranged for us like cuddling underneath the stars in a secluded part of a park or snuggling on the couch while watching a movie. Even in this situations I never felt much of an urge to kiss her. When a girl who I really liked arranged a similarly romantic situation I didn't even have control over my kissing her.

  • The best answer to "How do guys feel?"Individually.

  • i like being given the time and space to make the move first. it makes me like a person more when they're patient and considerate enough to give you that option. obviously if we're on a "date" i know he's into me, and don't need kisses/being handsy to be shown it. 

  • How do we feel???  It's awful!  For me at least, I wish that pressure wasn't on us so much.  I wish to God that some of you would make the first move instead so I wouldn't have to feel that pressure.  Some of us just don't know how or when is the right time to do it, so if you want it to happen that badly, then please, just take the initiative!

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