July 19, 2013
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An Angry Text From a Sibling's Fiancée
Yesterday one of my best friends and I went to dinner with our friend from middle school, Alex*. Alex's older sister just got engaged, and she knows she should be happy for her. However, a little text that her sister's fiancée sent her is not making it easy.
Actually, the text was not so little. It was quite long and quite testy. He and Alex's sister decided they wanted their wedding to be next spring. However, Alex will be studying abroad next spring, and considering she is her sister's only sister and the maid of honor, she has to be there.
As a wedding gift, Alex's sister's fiancée offered to pay for Alex's ticket back to the states for the wedding. Alex thought that was a nice gesture even though neither she nor her family asked him to do that. The couple told Alex to look at her study abroad schedule to see when a good weekend in the spring would be. She found a perfect long weekend in April and told her sister and fiancée about it. They seemed to come to an agreement about the wedding date.
A couple days later, the fiancée found out a girl from his high school was planning on getting married the very same weekend. Although he was not particularly close to this girl and had no plans of attending the wedding, he did not want their weddings to be on the same day.
When Alex heard this from her sister, she told her she was disappointed but of course not opposed to coming another weekend—she would just have to miss more class. After hearing this, the fiancée sent Alex an angry note telling her not to be so difficult and guilting her about him having to pay for her plane ticket home (something no one asked him to do). Alex was both confused and angry that someone her only sister was about to marry would send her such a message.
Is Alex right to be angry with her sister's fiancée? Or was the text understandable? Have you ever had some tension with a family member's SO?
Comments (9)
Alex's sister's fiancee is being quite unreasonable to change their wedding date just because someone he knows from high school was getting married on the same day as them. Why send an angry text to his future sister-in-law and try to guilt trip her about buying her plane ticket when he offered to in the first place? She's righteous so to be angry and if it was me, I'll buy my own ticket to come to the wedding.
Tension between your siblings significant others isn't fun, but what can you do? Just roll your eyes and ignore them.
if my sister's fiance was acting that way, i'd be vehemently opposed to them getting married in the first place. sounds like he has issues, and i would expect him to be more mature, understanding, and compromising for the age and occassion. he just sounds like a whiney little bitch, i'd definitely put him in his place.
Whoa.. Such a sad way to begin a long (and strained) relationship!!! Shouldn't it have been her SISTER who talked to her about it? This type of thing is a red warning flag for me about the sister's fiance. Watch out!
However, this doesn't hold a candle to a good friend of mine's new son-in-law. During her first trip to visit her newlywed daughter and SIL, the first evening...all went out to eat. While her daughter went to the restroom, the SIL looked at his NEW MIL and said, "All the time we were dating, I always felt like I was walking on eggshells. Now, it's YOUR turn to walk on eggshells!!"
whoa
The text was either misread or the tone misunderstood. So much drama.
Weddings seem to bring out the worst in people. i don't understand it.
I can see why they'd be upset by what Alex had said.
Doesn't mean it justifies their reaction, but i totally get where they're coming from.
They're planning their wedding and do everything they can to accomodate it so that Alex can attend. They're paying for her airfare, checking dates with her etc.
If this other girl getting married has planned it for that day then it WOULD come into play regardless if they attend the wedding if they have a lot of mutual friends. if they scheduled their wedding for the same day then some people who have already committed to that other wedding may have to miss theirs. So they were trying to accomodate as many people as they can... they asked Alex first before switching the date too. these are all things they are doing out of generosity to make it the best way for Alex to attend.
I don't think Alex needed to mention how she would be missing more classes, i'm sure they're aware of that and feel badly enough for it as it is. For Alex to mention that can come across that she views the wedding as an inconvenience and hassle. I think Alex would have been better off leaving that out of it... the way i look at it, if Alex wants to attend the wedding, she'll find a way to do so. if that means she has to miss a couple of classes then so be it. if she's unable to miss something major like final exams etc then politely speak up "I'll have my finals that week, but dates X,Y and Z would work fine for me"
Again, i fully understand WHY they felt the way they did but i do agree that being rude in response was out of line.
What likely happened was Alex's sister feels torn between all these people and is doing her best to try and accomodate everyone so that the people she loves can be at her wedding. She probably felt hurt by Alex's response because she already felt bad that she her wedding was a "burden" to her sister and what Alex said about missing classes just seemed like a way to justify those feelings of insecurity she had about the wedding being an inconvenience... her fiance became protective of his wife-to-be and responded the way he did
Everything costs more on and around a long week-end. They are better off changing the date.
planning weddings are super stressful, especially when they feel as if they need to make special accommodations for everyone. i know planning events for 6 people can be a huge headache, not to mention an entire wedding!
fiancee was probably just stressed from external sources and alex hit her switch at an inopportune time.
if i were alex, i would try to not take it too personally and write it off as a bad moment. one of those "i have to worry about hundreds, i need to dish out the money to feed hundreds, and now i need to worry even more about alex? why can't i just have my happy dream wedding and not be stressed out?" moments.
1] If Alex's SISTER is understandable about her studying abroad, that should be the end of that story. Studying abroad is a serious and seriously expensive (in most cases) commitment.
2] How dare the fiance send Alex such a message! He not part of the family YET, therefore he has no right to tell her she is being difficult and it is just plain DISGUSTING to throw his previously generous offer in her face. NO ONE ASKED HIM TO DO THAT! Only a lowlife would guilt someone over something they chose to do on their own. It is especially disgusting that he would say those things after Alex still agreed to sacrifice her class time. I'm assuming the conversation with her sister went well, so why did he have to message her at all? Is her sister even aware of this message? If not, that is BEYOND suspicious. 3] His excuse about some random girl from high school is just plain odd. If he is not attending, and if he doesn't really know her, there shouldn't be a problem about that weekend,
It wasn't my intention to sound harsh, but this guy's behavior is sending up red flags. Why would anyone send that kind of negative message to their future bride's sister, after the sister agreed to miss classes to attend HIS wedding? If he was really trying to be part of the family, the only displeasure he should have had towards Alex was her willingness to skip classes. Also, if they had originally agreed to a perfectly acceptable weekend in April, WTF is he really doing bringing up the wedding of a stranger (he's not close to this person!) as an excuse to choose another date??
Honestly, I think Alex needs to show that message to her parents and to her sister. If this guy is about to become part of the family, he should not be showing Alex such hostility while she is totally cooperating! Especially not in such an underhanded way. If he's addressing her like this now, imagine how he might behave once her sister is his lawful wife. Nip this kind of rudeness in the bud before it grows.
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