July 20, 2013
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Why Is It So Difficult to Apologize?
This post was submitted anonymously.
Whether it be with relationships, friendships, or complete strangers, I've definitely noticed that the people that I have dealt with usually have a difficult time in admitting they crossed the line in an argument. Instead of being the bigger person, they either continue to fuel the fire or eventually ignore the friend/significant other they had that argument with. Depending on who the person is and if they meant a lot to me, I have before apologized, even if I know I didn't have to.If someone meant nothing to me, I'd let them continue to ignore me. If I knew I was never in the wrong in the first place and they just blew things way out of proportion, I refuse to apologize after what they put me through in that situation. It also depends on what the argument is about. I have only ever met one or two friends in my life who can readily admit when they were in the wrong. The other people I have had to deal with seem to have a difficult time in being the bigger person. I shouldn't always have to be the bigger person, especially under certain circumstances.
Can you apologize to someone if you know you were out of line? Do you get annoyed when people don't apologize to you for something you know they took out of context? How much does an apology mean to you? Image Source
Comments (13)
In my experience, some people either find it difficult to apologize or feel they shouldn't have to because in their mind what happened was truly a mistake and "Not their fault." which is an inherently selfish point of view.Where I work is very fast paced. There are very narrow spaces where there will often be two people walking toward each other very fast while carrying very large and very heavy view-obstructing objects. It's not uncommon that one person clips the other as they're walking by. Although I might know for a fact I didn't mean to hit them, it's still absolutely appropriate to apologize.Even if "They ran into me too!", that doesn't mean neither person should say they're sorry. Even if it was truly a mistake in your mind, you never know how badly you might've hurt that person. Because not apologizing for a mistake is inherently selfish, there are two distinct things that could happen. The first is that the other person takes it very hard and it adds an undue amount of pain in their life that is wildly disproportionate to the effort it would take you to apologize. The second is that because you show no remorse, the person may feel you went out of your way to hurt them and retaliate (which I have done in the past). In the latter case, it's a mistake for a mistake, and you shouldn't judge that person any more harshly than you would judge yourself for your own mistake.As a human being whose actions affect others on a daily basis, you are responsible for the happiness of those you interact with.
Because it's artificial, at best. There is no such thing as a sincere apology. If you didn't meant to do or say something you wouldn't have done or said it. The words "I'm sorry" are nothing but a lie 100% of the time. My policy is simple: NEVER apologize for any reason.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I love you even more for the corn reference.
I don't have any problems apologizing if I feel as if I'm wrong or if I genuinely feel bad or whatever. I see other people who should be apologizing when they are wrong in the situation, who turn around and try to convince everyone else that they're right when they're not, and I just think less of them for their inability to man up and apologize. I think the majority of people are weak-ass punks and wussies and that's how I feel about people who can't even speak those two words.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - Right... because something being "artificial" means it isn't real. Just like artificial light isn't really light. Or artificial sound isn't really sound. I bet you don't listen to music because it's artificial, or consume artificially flavored foods or drinks. If I didn't know any better I'd think you're a sociopath, but with that usually comes the ability to analyze things more logically than the average person and with greater objectivity due to emotional detachment. Perhaps you're not a sociopath but actually quite emotionally charged, albeit in the wrong direction. Then again, perhaps you are a sociopath but just stupid. When it comes to both self-preservation and the potential for personal gain, there are clear advantages to at least going through the motions of being sympathetic or at least appearing that way. Even if it's not sincere, good actions result in greater, more long-term personal gain. It literally pays to be sympathetic.Did you know that corn is actually "artificial"? It (maize) started out as a virtually inedible grass known as Teosinte (see picture) and over the centuries ancient peoples bred it to produce larger, edible, and more nutritious seeds (see picture and picture). If you wouldn't apologize because it's artificial, I bet you've never eaten corn because it's artificial. In summation, "artificial" means something is man-made. Yes... apologies are man-made. In-fact, that's what makes them meaningful.
Because their egos are hurt and they don't wanna admit that they're wrong.
Well, usually I am sorry when I hurt someone else, no matter if I personally find that I made a mistake or not, or thought so at the point where I did it. Often I say something along the lines of "I am sorry that hurt you, but how you perceived it is not how I meant it". More often than not it's a misunderstanding because people just communicate a bit differently. It's not right to insist on your way of communicating and not respecting the other person's feelings, as some do, but it is also not right to blow something out of proportion, as you say, and to think your perception of what a 'mistake' is, is the only right one. I don't really count that as 'apologizing'... it's just trying to solve misunderstandings. When I really regret something I did and under no circumstances want to do it again, I do apologize... when I think what i did was necessary or just plainly good/ok, I don't.Sometimes I find it difficult though, because certain people do exactly that...blow something out of proportion. When you give them an inch, they want a whole mile. They might use it [your admission of a possible mistake] against you over and over, or worse (and less understandable) use it as an excuse to not admit their own mistakes which lead to the argument or the reaction that was perceived as insulting .@secretbeerreporter@xanga - what we are isn't 100% static.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - What you state can only be true if "regret" doesn't exist as well. If you're saying that all people never ever regret any of their actions and how others are affected by them, then there would be no need for apologies. With human society, I haven't found that to be the case.
@SoullFire@xanga - Well, then I guess that explains why I don't feel that need. I in fact don't ever regret how my actions affect others, just how my own actions affect me. If I hurt somebody, it's because I fully intend to do so and as such see no need to regret any of the effects of that action.
=| I apologize if I really think it's my fault. And I'll say sorry if I really think I hurt someone. and I believe I mean it. some people think it's hard to apologize, but it's only hard if their opinion of you is less important to you than your opinion of them.
I'm getting a lot better at it, but I know exactly why I have issues apologizing or admitting I'm wrong, and it's all because of how I was raised. Growing up, no one in our household apologized. Instead, my parents believed in the "silent treatment" (and subsequently instilled the habit on us), and if someone apologized before the adult was ready to forgive them, their apology was ignored. Then one day, out of no where, they would just be talking to you like life was suddenly normal again. And silent treatments would last like a week, sometimes more.They were also the type of parents who would be like, "SEEEEEEEE! I TOLD YOUUUUU!!!!" if you admitted you were wrong or are proven wrong.Now my brothers do both of that, too, and even I find it difficult to break those habits. It drives me nuts.
I apologize too much and end up giving people opportunities to take advantage of me.
Yes I can apologise.
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