July 21, 2013

  • Making the Move


    A few years ago, I received an email that changed my life. It was from some administrative woman at my university, and it said that, for my major, I had surpassed the credit cap for the campus I was attending. I had to transfer to another campus – one that was three hours away – immediately. I thought about my girlfriend, and wondered what this news would mean for us. We would either have to try to make a long-distance relationship work, or we would have to move in together.

    When I told Mercedes about the email, she was just as surprised as I was. Deep down, I wanted her to drop everything and move halfway across the state with me, but I knew that was a lot to ask. She had a grounded, happy life in our hometown, complete with family, friends, and a job. (She was taking online classes, so at least school wasn’t an issue.) No matter how much I wanted her to move in with me, I just couldn’t work up the nerve to ask. 

    Luckily, I didn’t have to. We didn’t even have the “should we move in together” conversation. We wanted to (physically) be together, which meant that a long-distance relationship just wasn’t a feasible option. The next month, we found an apartment (which was a miracle since I was transferring in the middle of the academic year), signed a lease, and officially became roommates. 

    I didn’t know how to thank Mercedes for picking up her life and moving in with me. I still don’t. I’m just so, so glad that she did. Living with her just feels natural, and, for the most part, it’s easy. (We did spend a lot of nights together before the move, so I’m sure that helped.) My wardrobe has doubled, I have a live-in exterminator/chef/maid/nighttime-noise-checker, and my finances are split in half. 

    Even though moving in together was a pretty smooth process for us, it’s not always sunshine and roses. When you live with someone, you get to see a different side of that person. Well, to be accurate, you get to see all sides of that person. You learn how messy and arguably gross they can be, and you’re forced to deal with all of their quirks and habits. Moving in together can either make or break a relationship; I’m just glad that, for us, it was the former. 

    Have you ever been faced with the “should we move in together” question? What did you do, and how did it work out? What do you think the pros and cons are of living with your SO?  

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Comments (4)

  • My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost a year when living with my biological father was no longer an option. He has always been in and out of my life, but after my divorce he offered to let me live with him and go to school. Trying to make a child/parent relationship work that has never been steady in the first place, was nearly impossible, especially because he had an abusive childhood. We were no planning on moving in together until web were married or engaged, but as the home life became increasingly unstable and volatile, I had no choice. Do you know that people still find it fodder for gossip when you live together pre-maritally? I have lost several "friends" whom have decided to "stone" me for my life choices that they don't agree with. Moving in together is a big step and shouldn't be rushed into. It's hard adjusting to another person being in your space all the time, even one you dearly love. 

  • I'm sure that I will have a different experience than most other people who would respond to this, but I moved in with my boyfriend within a year of dating him. While I agree that it is no something you should 'rush' into-- I don't necessarily think that first requires a lot of time and dating to consider. In the end, I think the pertinent question should be 'why would you want to move in with your SO?'. If it was because you NEEDED to spend every waking minute with the other, then 'yeah, slow down~'. For me, I needed to split expenses and under the same token, there was no point in paying twice for a home i only stayed in half of my nights, I wanted to be in a living situation in which I was safe and comfortable and trusted my neighbors, and it was more convenient for his job and my job. I say though, bigger than moving in together, it's a huge step in a relationship when you have to share a playstation.

  • I've been living with my boyfriend for about a month now. And I'm pretty sure we're going to break up sometime soon. It's not that any of his traits or quirks came as a surprise, I've known him over 5 years. He now apparently just thinks he's a dictator and refuses to compromise on anything.

  • my SO and I have been living together 2 years now. at first it was rocky and sometimes we still have our ocassional battles but we've been doing well. it started off long distance and then we realized if we wanted to find out if our relationship was really going to work, we had to be near each other. it was a drastic move but it's worked, being roomies. we're getting married this year. 

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