July 21, 2013

  • My Friend's Controlling Boyfriend: How Do I Help Her?


    One of my friends has a beyond controlling boyfriend and I have no idea how to help her. He always plays the "innocent" card. He always guilts her into doing things, makes her feel bad about herself, and blames her for the things that are his fault. She moved to another country for a year for this guy. He cheated on her a year ago (he also has a history of cheating on his ex girlfriends) and any time she tries talking about it, he turns everything around on her and yells at her for making him feel "attacked." 

    Also, for the past two days, one of her family members back in her home country has been in the hospital and he's been nothing but a jerk to her. He's been bringing up past relationship issues, he's been very short tempered and it's all for attention. She's always there for him when he needs something but the second she needs him it's (in his words, what she told me) "too much to handle."

    Besides all of that, he's sweet just one night, says sweet things and some "I love yous" and she forgives everything!

    I'm not blaming her for anything, he's the one controlling and manipulating her. I just have no idea what to do. Help?

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Comments (5)

  • There's not a lot you can do, I have a friend with a shitty boyfriend and if I try to  make her see any of it, or talk to her about it she just gets angry at me.

  • @isitreal_no@xanga - Yeah, good Girls in love with jerk boyfriends will do that. Not listen to advice. As one who had been in a relationship similar, I attest it's true: she prolly knows it's not her fault and that her BF is a tool-- but she'll not let anyone else tell her that-- or change her feelings for him. Though... if you're brave enough, one option is to tell her boyfriend that he should just leave her. 

  • Be her Lesbian Lover

  • @DenimPants@xanga  - My friend broke up with her bf one time and he was texting me (I've unfortunately known the guy even longer than I've known my friend but we aren't close at all) and I told him I was glad they split up and that he's no good for her. Finally made my opinion known and then they got back together and now it's awkward as hell. Ah well. Shit happens, hopefully he will find something else soon and leave her for good.

  • I can't say I've ever been on either side of this situation, but I wonder if doing something like questioning his actions might make her see what you see? You'll never convince her by telling her he's a jerk; that will just make her defensive. But maybe next time she confides in you, you go "wow. Do you think it's ok that he acts this way?" And maybe after enough tries, she'll start to see that he shouldn't be treating her like this.

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