July 23, 2013
-
Can You Ever Stop Loving Someone?
Before I go to sleep, I usually scroll absentmindedly through my Twitter feed. Last night, a picture someone tweeted really caught my eye. It was one of those black and white, quote pictures, showing a couple holding each other in the forest. Cliché already. In white, the quote read: “You never stop loving someone. You either never did, or you always will.”The quote made me tilt my head and squint my eyes. I immediately doubted its assertion and began thinking back to my past relationships for proof. The only two exes that I may have loved are Justin (the awful boyfriend I gave three chances to before moving on) and Nathan (the guy I dated for two months before I got involved with Mercedes). Since I certainly don’t love them now, according to the quote, I must have never loved them. Hmm…
I tried to analyze my past feelings, and I asked myself if I really, truly loved Justin and Nathan. With Justin, it was a cat-and-mouse relationship, an on-again-off-again relationship, a shitty relationship. I wanted him, sure, and I wanted his attention, but that doesn’t mean I was in love with him. It was lust at best.
On to Nathan. We were only together for two months, but he was the best boyfriend I’d ever had. He was sweet and gentlemanly with a little bit of an edge. I definitely liked him a lot, but I think my feelings were a little short of love.
When I was with Justin and Nathan, I thought I loved them. Now that I’m older and with someone that I know I love, I realize that whatever I felt for those exes was not love. At least it wasn’t a love like this.
In general, though, I do think that it is possible to fall out of love. People change and grow, and they may grow apart. A past love might always hold a place in your heart, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re always in love with them.
Do you think you can ever stop loving someone? If you have an ex who you loved, do you still love him/her now, or did you fall out of love? Do you think you ever loved him/her in the first place?
Comments (23)
no. you just learn to live without them.
The exes that I loved, I still love them. They are just no longer a part of my life.
I still love both of my exes, but not in the same way and I don't want to be with them. So maybe it is love but just a different sort.
Nothing is impossible.There are certainly things that could result in a person not loving someone anymore. The conditions in which this is possible are nothing simple or conventional like you would probably imagine (e.g. cheating, etc.), but much more complex... but then again I'm going with 100% certainty. Though highly improbable, it's certainly possible for a person to be hurt so bad by someone cheating on him/her that he/she stops loving everyone altogether.@isitreal_no@xanga - "I still love both of my exes, but not in the same way..."Then why do you use the same word for how you feel? That's pretty convenient.
maybe you didn't really love your exes because you're not into guys
@accumulations@xanga - That's a VERY likely explanation :)
Love is more than just romantic love.. the love you share with your mother certainly isnt the same as with your significant other.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - That's very true, I had never thought of it that way.
Will stop loving someone when the other person no longer loves me
I suppose so, but in a completely different way. I still love them in the sense that I care about them, still think about them occasionally, and might have a difficult time kicking them out of my life if they wanted to just be friends, but is that burning, passionate love still there? No.
Oh yes. I still love my ex. As hard as it is to admit, I do. I think when the love was so real and unconditional (for that period of time), that loving feeling never goes away. I'll always have a little sting in my heart that reminds me of him. LAME.
I don't have exes necessarily, just men I deeply cared for. I have this strong feeling in my heart that the person I'm currently dating is someone who I will always love. Even if I end up marrying someone else and having kids with them....I will always love him. I may not be in love with him anymore, but my love for him will never die.
I don't think there is an easy answer to that. I think people can grow apart, like you said, or even stop loving each other. But the word "love" itself is hard to define, since it seems to mean different things to different people and people throw the word around so easily.I've been seriously attracted to more people than I can keep count of. I have no desire of actually dating any of them anymore. But some of them, when I hear they're with someone else, I feel just a bit of regret that we never got together, wonder what may have been, even if it was years ago.I have had a few boyfriends, and while the attraction was there, I didn't feel we were together long enough for it to be honest to goodness love, in the way that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them. I don't think I've met that person yet.
I suppose most people myself included would like to think there's some mystical or spiritual component to love that continues indefinitely. Maybe, there is in some abstract sense but practically speaking people do grow apart. I've been in love once and am no longer. I'm still obviously attracted to her but that part of is just gone.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - "Love" is not an exclusive word. It does not only apply itself to one kind of deep emotion. There are different KINDS of love. Love for parents, love for siblings, love for good friends, love for the past/memories, love for a romantic partner.
@analeebanana@xanga - First and foremost, shut up."I'm so 3008, You so 2000 and late"Second, you're proving my point. They are not the same thing, so why then do people use the same word to describe numerous different things? What qualities tie these separate and distinguishable feelings together under the same umbrella term? Personally, I find the answer obvious and I'm only asking rhetorically, but go ahead and share your point of view if you feel inclined to do so.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I don't need to be a part of discussions where people don't treat each other with respect. The fact of the matter is that the word is used to describe a wide variety of passion. When there are specific words for the different kinds of love, I'll be satisfied, as I quite wish there was a way to express the various ways I show affection for those I care about.We're talking about "love". Please don't be so rude. It's all casual discussion.
@analeebanana@xanga - Fine.
@baggageclaime@xanga - agreed. You don't ever stop loving them, you simply learn to treat them differently. Because that's what you're SUPPOSED to do. I am currently dating a man I broke up with 10 years ago, we've been together almost 4 years now. He was my first boyfriend, and now, it's very possible he may also be my last. What do you say about that?
With relationships, you grow apart and things fade over time but even if you don't feel that way anymore you still remember. Anyone I've ever really cared about I still do in some way, even if it's been many years. I remember how I feel about the first girl I ever dated nearly 16 years ago. As I've gotten older and dated/loved more people it's become something far different than my young teenage self felt but like many others have said, unless some major incident happens that causes your feelings to change I think once you love someone you always will, or at least the memories you have of them and what they meant to you at the time.Another aspect though, I fell head over heels for someone I was never more than good friends with and though she moved away and I haven't talked to her in six some years I still think of her very often. The passage of time hasn't similarly affected how I feel about her. Even though we've grown apart it doesn't seem to fade the same as for instance, someone I actually dated and loved, broke up with and never talked to again. I guess it's different when you stop associating with someone out of choice rather than circumstance.
I DO think it's possible to fully love someone and now, no longer love them.In my particular circumstance, it was a male friend who became so toxic and abusive as I got to know him that I excluded him from my life circle and no longer love him.
I think it is possible to stop loving someone. Love, lust, infatuation...whatever you felt at one point for someone can fade eventually especially if that someone treated you badly and you meet someone much better.
I have fallen in love with the wrong man, and stayed in love for years. NO relationship,or hanging out NO phonecalls or email/ internet contact. I kept my distance because he was married. What I felt for him was so strong I am physiologicaly a differnent person. Ive LITERRALY have never been the same. Then one day I realized I was an idiot and my feelings changed. Fellings can and will change.
Comments are closed.