July 24, 2013

  • Automatic Friend-Zone


    So, I was at a party last week for all the people at this summer program I'm currently doing.  At one point when I was wandering around between conversations with particular groups of people, this girl walks up to me.  She was kind of tipsy and told me she wanted to find some guy to make out with that night.  I casually hinted that I would be willing, but she pointed out this one guy she had her eye on and asked me if I would fix her up with him.  Since she seemed to already have hopes for one particular guy, I figured it would have been nice to help her out. 

    I went to the guy and tried to push him in that direction, but he told me he had already hooked up with her once and didn't seem to be particularly interested in getting with her again.  I relayed the message to her that he didn't seem to be within her reach, and she seemed to accept it pretty fast.

    So, naturally, this seemed to be a good time to see if I might have better luck.  I didn't just come right out and ask for it, though, as it seemed a better idea to work my way cleverly to getting there.  We got to a point where she started telling me all the things she liked about me.  She said I had a great personality, a nice smile, and really pretty eyes.  I finally asked if she'd like to have me, and she just came out and said, "I think I'd really like to just be friends with you."

    WTF?  Like, seriously, WTF?  She was just telling me how great she thought I seemed, so how do I just automatically get pitched to the friend zone?  Also, it didn't seem like she and I were likely to see or get to know each other much in the future, so what would have been the harm in just having a little fun?  This kind of thing seems to happen to me a lot. 

    What is it about me that makes me more appealing as "just a friend"?  Do I just need to be more assertive, or something?

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Comments (19)

  • You stuck around after this chick said to your face that she wanted to hook up with another guy.  That shows a lack of self-esteem.  Confidence is probably one of the top if not THE most important quality in a man's attractiveness.  It doesn't hurt to be a little reserved until you are sure of the other person's value (and on that note, why would you want to be with an indiscriminate slut?).

  • She prolly has the hots for the guy she pointed to you. and just says she wants to 'casually' make out with a guy that night. That, or she's just a bitch. Either is a viable answer. 

  • Some girls are going to automatically friend zone you, and some girls are going to think that you're majorly hot and will want to date you. Just get over this girl and find a girl that wants you.

  • Oh well, these things happen I remember being ditched by a girl I was hitting on one night for her mom.

  • @Facetiouseloquence@xanga - "You stuck around after this chick said to your face that she wanted to hook up with another guy.  That shows a lack of self-esteem."That says a lot about her and virtually nothing about him. He would've stuck around either way. If she wasn't an indiscriminate slut, you'd praise him. What he has is a good quality... she is the variable.@OP -  Don't take advice from females who suggest you should be (more) reactive. What would really show a lack of self-esteem is to take this kind of advice, as if you don't know what you want. You did nothing wrong in that situation. You knew what you wanted and you went for it. You can't help that she's a slut. Pity her lest you want sloppy seconds... or thirds... or however many dicks have been in there.

  • She's not obligated to have sex with you, even if she likes you and tells you to your face. I can understand wanting advice in order to relate to people better in relationships/hook-ups/whatever, but you seem weirdly angry about this. Maybe she was picking up some vibes and didn't feel comfortable.

  • next time a girl comes up to you to tell you she wants to hook up with someone else - thats your first sign you're already in the friendzone. you were there before you even knew it

  • You don't need to do anything! Continue to be yourself. She's just one female in a world filled with many other females.

  • Sooner or later someone nice will come along and want you for you, not a hook up. Just keep looking. I speak from experience as a female who went through similar things.

  • If someone rejects you once, it's usually not going to work in your favor to go back for more in the same evening. That's probably the only thing you did wrong. Also, just because one person friend-zones you doesn't mean everyone will. Most of us are attractive to someone, but very few of us are attractive to everyone.

  • You were friend zoned as soon as she came to you and told you that she was interested in hooking up with someone else. Duh.

  • I laughed.  I'm sorry.  

  • if I'm interested in a guy as more than friends, I wouldn't describe his eyes as "pretty eyes." I'd use the word, sexy I wouldn't use "nice" to describe his smile because that words seems too general, vague, and neutral. I'd use words like "amazing smile" or "gorgeous eyes" or words that sound like his features are very attractive to me. if I wanted to jump a guy's bones, I wouldn't quickly mention his personality, although that matters, but it just isn't something I think about more than his sexy body if I'm looking for a fling-however, I don't do flings, but are you sexy? if you're looking for a fling, make yourself sexy. I know the be yourself cliche, but if she's a hot chick, then she'd most likely look for the suave, 6-pack abs guy with sex appeal. sometimes guys without the hot bod gets the hot chick, too, but they probably have a huge thing in their pants.

  • Jesus Christ, sack up, man.

  • Don't ever play fetch-that-guy for a girl, lesson #1. Lesson #2: step away from the girl who asks you to fetch. If she's can't get him herself, don't bother.

  • if you were willing to work for her to get with someone else, doesn't that show you don't want her for yourself?

  • Jeez.

  • don't take it so personally. There are people YOU don't find physically attractive, aren't there? And, maybe your best buddy WOULD find them attractive. Just because somebody is not attracted to you doesn't mean you are a douche bag...it just means that they are not ... no big deal. There are many more ppl out there who will find you very attractive. Find one of them. Get over yourself. ;)

  • She just wasn't attracted to you. She might even be solely into douchebags. Or she does like you, but she likes you more than just a casual make-out session. My advice is, have higher standards.

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