August 1, 2013
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He Showed Interest. I Became Interested. He Lost Interest.
Yesterday, I was talking with my good friend from school, Kelly*. She was talking about a really sweet guy that is also an intern at her job. One day, he drove her home from work because they live in the same area. As she was about to get out of the car, he asked for her number and mentioned taking her out on a date. Kelly had never really thought of this guy in a romantic way. She didn't even think of him as a friend but more of an acquaintance. She decided to keep an open mind though. He texted her a few hours after dropping her off and Facebook chatted her that night, once again mentioning their date. The more he spoke of taking her out, the more Kelly became interested.
As far as Kelly could tell, these Facebook and texting correspondences were perfectly normal. She was pretty sure they were even a little flirty. So, she began toying with the idea of going out with him. He was smart, funny, and nice, so why not?
The next night, the guy Facebook chatted her again. He opened the conversation by once again speaking of a date. (By this time Kelly was starting to look forward to spending some time with him outside of work.) After about an hour of chatting, Kelly told him she had to get some sleep and for him to text her if he was free this weekend. He agreed that he would.
Despite what seemed like enthusiasm over Facebook chat, Kelly did not hear from the guy all weekend. He did not Facebook chat her, and he even seemed to avoid eye contact at work the next week. "This always happens," Kelly moaned to me, "I am not even interested in a guy, then he shows interest, then I start to become interested (and invested), and then he completely stops being interested."
Should Kelly try to pursue this guy or move on? Have you ever had someone you were not originally interested in show interest and then disappear? Did you confront that person?
Comments (16)
There are a million things that could have happened to prevent him from contacting her that weekend. Hopefully it is nothing more serious than losing phone/internet. Your friend Kelly* should send him a non-confrontational 'hey how are you' type of text or message.
True, other things may have kept him from contacting her that weekend, but the fact that he avoided eye contact with her seems suspicious. Usually people only avoid eye contact if they're hiding something or feeling guilty... Cause in all honesty, how much time does it take to send just one text, right? Saying "can't do this weekend but maybe next weekend?" ... if indeed he was that busy. I've had this happen to me a lot because guys are usually flirty even if they don't necessarily have the intention of dating you. Guys, I've realized, don't think, "Hey this girl seems great! So let me do all these things to show interest." No, on the other hand, they show interest whether they have it or not, and then decide whether or not they should date you. I've never confronted these type of guys because I don't necessarily take their "showing interest" seriously. Unless they actually ask me out on a date, and we are actually on a real date, I don't interpret any guys' actions, no matter how flirty or friendly, as "interest."
It honestly seems like a case of nevers. The guys wanted to see if she was interested and single then got nervous whenbhe got the green light. If shes patient, it wayvwork out. Chances are he will apologize and ask her out again down the road. Its up to her...
there was some guy at work, who I didn't really notice, but he'd casually say hi to me a few times. besides the usual hi, we wouldn't talk. later I broke the ice by talking to him first. he seemed to be immediately excited to talk to me because he was smiling a lot. we started flirting. I'd look forward to see him. soon he slipped a tidbit of info into the conversation by mentioning his wife our flirting gradually died down and it is awkward being around him now that I know that he's married and he knows my feelings he should've told me that he had a wife prior to me revealing my feelings for him, but why would he reveal that since he was enjoying the ego boost and flattery of a younger female. I don't think that he'd flirt with me first before knowing if I liked him. he started to become cuter and cuter after I went ahead and broke the ice. I used to see him a lot, but he's been avoiding me lately for good reason because it's a bad idea because most guys that talk to me become addicted to me. i'm like the poisonous candy apple he took a bite and his cheek became tingly()yet he doesn't care, and wants more! save himself from me!
This is a game. Some people like to see if they can get someone even if they have no real intentions of being with them. I would tell her to move on and fast. Be with someone who want to be with you 100 percent, no questions asked.
I feel like he totally could have lost his nerve. I would be like, "Hey, so whatever happened to that date we were supposed to go on? I'm ready for it!" in a playful way and see how he reacts. Then go from there.
Why is every single post from porcela1n_doll about how every guy she knows is dying to get with her? lmao Self confidence is a good thing, but overly egotistical is annoying! lolHe sounds like he got cold feet. Maybe try starting a casual conversation and if he blows her off, just wash your hands of him.
@singlegirl29 - I've wondered that too. ahah ah well.He may have felt bad for not getting back to you hence the eye contact aversion. If you are interested ask him about it. But if he keeps talking the talk, I wouldn't give him the time day after.
@singlegirl29 - which every guy? if you've paid attention to my comments, it is usually about how I ignore people, but I'm dying to get with all of my crushes, especially my boss crush if anything, it shows that married men lie and want to get with me
How does it feel to be treated the way 999,999 out of a million women treat men?
Could be that he was on a rebound and over the weekend, he got back with his ex and now he feels bad about trying to use Kelly to get over his ex. That's just a theory. I've had this happen to me before and I've done this to someone as well.
he's gay. he wants to know if he can successfully leave that scene and go hetero. I suggest Kelly get down to brass tacks and offer to fuck him ANYTIME he wants. She might also refer him to NARTH.com and get some good SSA counseling.
If his lack of contact only occurred over the span of a weekend, I wouldn't scrutinize his behavior too much. If he completely fell off the planet, and stopped contacting her altogether, then I consider this grounds for scrutinization. Who knows the exact reason he dropped contact for that time? It could be for any number of reasons. When someone new comes into our life and we have no particular commitments with or obligation to them--we kind of have to suck it up for those short moments they may not get back to us. However, if they promise something to you, or if they disappear without any word as to why they left or changed their mind--then I think they absolutely owe some kind of explanation, eventually. As an adult, I think he can be held accountable for his actions and well as his inaction. He should at least have the decency to contact her and let her know he will be busy for the time being and will get back to her at a specified time or sometime within the near future. I really consider it rude to gain someone's interest and then go cold and suddenly distant (unless they are experiencing some kind of serious/emergency situation). I've experienced it myself and I am really not into those games, lol. Perhaps this will just be a lesson/indication to your friend to not develop too much interest in this guy unless/until he shows some kind of reliability and consistency. For now, she should just move on to bigger and better things. When I personally experienced this, I did not confront the person. I was a little surprised by their behavior because I had known them for quite some time as a friend, and for them to fall off the planet after gaining my interest I found to be a very disrespectful thing to do. I simply stopped contacting them and stopped making myself entirely available to them. Without an apology or explanation, I didn't feel I owed them my time or energy.
she should just be friendly to him and no.maybe he is just being shy.
I actually have a friend that recently had this happen to her and I think it's fairly common, honestly. But I feel as though the guy kind of "buttered her up" if you will, only to probably find better plans or something of the like. He never actually committed to meeting her, just kind of toyed around the idea. She said casually to let her know about meeting but he didn't. He might have been shy or embarrassed but I don't think he's really serious about meeting up or he would have at least texted her at some point to show interest. I would just move on. Don't hold a grudge but there's no point in chasing after someone that can't commit. He sure talked about it enough but when she showed the slight bit of interest, he backed away. She said to let her know if he was free and he said he would. He didn't get back up with her so she just needs to leave it alone. It's his loss, she showed the appropriate amount of interest without being desperate.
Yeah, this situation has too many unknown variables. Because the reality is we do not know about his private life, could be he had a friend with a crisis that he needed to help. or maybe he's so lonely and shy he spent the whole weekend with a six pack of Mikes Hard Lemonade trying to figure out how to tie cherry stems with his tongue and feeling generally unaccomplished in life. His lack of eye contact might be to hide some naughty fantasies behind his beautiful eyes, so I wouldn't worry about eye contact. That does not mean he's guilty of disinterest, in fact, it could mean he just feels shy. What she should do is touch his forearm and politely murmur, "Are you still planning to buy me dinner?" And if he says something like a jerk like, "I'm broke." Then she should realize he probably is not broke, he's probably testing her to make certain that she will allow him to pay and tired of women who offer to pay. Because I've seen this before, this jealousy test in boys who get to the point where they want a girl to have freedom and be assertive, but they also want to feel needed and loved. And if he says he's broke she should say, "Well, I'm broke too, so when you decide you have enough money to take me to dinner responsibly, then hopefully you won't see me out with a man who plans better and who has the money."
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