There are certain things I see and/or have experienced in the world of dating that I like and do not like. Personally, here they are. Which points do you agree with or don't agree with?
1. I like to be asked out on a formal date, and this is something I will teach my kids when I have them. It doesn't have to be down on one knee, rose in hand, with a violin playing in the background - no. Rather, I would like to know that I am actually on a date, and not just "hanging out." For example, if a guy was interested in me, I would enjoy "Let's go to dinner, just you and me," instead of "I'm going to Taco Bell, wanna come?" Because otherwise, you will instantly go into my friend-zone.
I'm pretty much the same when it comes to asking guys out myself.
2. Eye contact is important. I don't want to sit there idly while I watch you play with your phone half the time, or look past me/somewhere else during conversation. Sometimes, I like to literally STARE at guys who can't look me during a conversation just to make them feel more uncomfortable about how ridiculous it is to be talking to their hands. I just realized right now that it might be a form of bullying (apologies to those few).
3. If you're acting like you're interested in going on a date, ask for my number and say you're going to call me/text me tomorrow to plan something, you really should do it the next day. Not a week, not a month, not a summer later. I don't appreciate being duped into being a 'booty call', and I'm pretty sure there are tons of other people who would mutually be your fuck buddy without having to be tricked into it. I'm the master of mind games, so if you want to play, we can play, but it also means nothing is ever going to work out between us.
4. If I offer to pay, please let me pay. Usually, with me, it goes like this - if I choose the place we go to on our first date, I like to pay first. If the guy chooses to take me out, I let him pay first. I also like to alternate paying on subsequent dates. I don't like when guys pay all the time and can't even man up to let the girl pay. Letting me pay sometimes shows me you respect me. If a guy pays all the time and won't let me buy anything at all, I just see it as controlling and start to wonder if the dude has a complex.
5. First kiss should not involve tongue - I like to keep it short and simple and wanting more. It really drives me crazy in a very good way when I get a 3 second close-lipped kiss and part ways.
6. I hate when guys use this line as a euphemism for "let me get you into my room under false pretenses so we can potentially hookup" - "Wanna go watch a movie in my room?" Pathetic, juvenile, and weak. If you invite me to your room to watch a movie, I'm going to automatically assume you literally want to hang out and watch a movie - no hanky panky. And if you make a move during the movie, I will judge you and leave and probably tell all my friends how lame it was.
7. Cheesy romantic antics are always welcome - even the cringe worthy ones are appreciated.
8. If things get steamy for you, and you go for a grab, and I move your hand away, DO NOT put it back there. Biggest turn off ever, and makes you seem rapey/needy/impulsive/selfish/lame. I've had a couple guys whose hands have wandered down my pants, when upon removal, would be immediately groping for the same place (over and over again, until I have to say 'what the fuck is your problem?'). Don't let it get to that point. Guys who do that (like 25% of the guys I've dated) are an immediate turn off.
9. Dinner/movie dates get repetitive. I like museums, festivals, free concerts, art walks, dog parks, whatever else there is to do and share our views on.
10. I realize not all women are like this, but I like all different types of men as long as they're not too insecure, too cocky, too close-minded, or too judgmental. As long as you are confident in who you are, I don't care if you're shorter/taller than me, a different race, or religion, or if your nose is too big for you face, or if you have webbed toes or a 6th finger. Be confident, be assertive, show directed interest, and take it from there.
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Comments (11)
Make copies of this for every guy who is interested in you. And, ask them to read it and watch their reaction. And, I hope some wonderful guy comes along and sweeps you off your feet. You might miss him if he doesn't play by your rules and wishes. Good luck to you!
It's good that you have decent standards. Anytime I run through the TV listings and see countless reality shows I worry that too many people have standards that are too low. Good luck finding Mr. Wonderful.
Maybe it's just me... but I feel like you two were being sarcastic.
man, no one is going to be interested in you with that tone and attitude of entitlement...
You should just get to know the person and do whatever. After you've been friends and had sex then in like a couple years maybe you'll realize that you like each other and it's not just sexual attraction. If it is just sex, you should do it. At least then you'll enjoy the time you have together, because most of the time it will be short. Don't worry though. It's not a bad thing. It's called sharing love and caring for others.
I loved this! You are so funny, and I totally relate to your experiences. I choked on my coffee at "rapey" hahaha. I just don't agree with the first one. I don't like it to formal in the beginning. I've never had something start that way and end well. I find that things go much smoother when there is little pressure and you are just getting to know each other as people, rather than potential mates.
For the most part, I like the list as a general guideline for dating. 1. While I personally do not like to formally ask a girl out until we've hung out for a bit and I know there is a romantic spark there so that when I do ask her out on a real date, we will already be comfortable with each other (it's not really a first date). Real first dates are awkward as I found out early on so I like to keep it in the hang out zone until I know there is something worth pursuing. It might be a bit hasty to just friend zone someone just because they want to hangout romantically but I understand your general idea behind the guideline.2. Eye contact is important but it has to occur naturally. I would be freaked out if a girl was staring me down on a date.3. I think following up with someone within that week (unless you have a legit reason otherwise) is a reasonable and respectful thing to do. While you don't want to seem overly eager and desperate (some girls get scared off easily), keeping her waiting just for the sake of waiting isn't cool.4. I like to offer to pay but never insist on it because I don't like to make a scene. If she ever offers to pay, I immediately offer to treat her next time. It's a built-in excuse to keep seeing each other unless she declines, then that's a red flag that she wants to end things and not feel like she will owe you anything.5. First kiss should be played by ear. If she's keeping it tight lipped on the kiss, don't force your tongue in there but if she's pulling you in for a steamy kiss, go with the flow. I like to slowly work the first kiss up to passionate kiss with a close-lipped kiss and turning it up slowly until I feel her start to put on the brakes. 6. "Watching a movie in my room" can be both a movie and a make out session, read her body language to see what is appropriate.7. Truth. Cheesy romantic antics put the person out on a limb so while it may seem embarrassing, I always appreciate the thought behind the action.8. hmm, if she moves your hand away, that does not always mean off limits per se. It might just mean you jumped the gun a bit and need read her body language to see if she's welcoming the touch later on. Don't surprise her, move slowly so that if she's not feeling it, she can let you know and you can abort without it looking like a rapey grab.9. Agreed, dinner and movie gets boring fast. Do something fun, like idk, rock climbing =)
I agree with some of these standards. I do not like when I'm kissing a guy and his hands wander. If I push your hands away from my goodies, please don't try to make your way back. SUCH a turn off.A lot of guys I've met think a good date idea is watching a movie at his place. I disagree especially if it's a first date. If we had been dating a while and were comfortable with each other, then I'd be ok with it. But not so early on.
@DenimPants@xanga - no sarcasm intended. If she really would like them to play by her rules, it is only fair that they know what the rules are. Those who don't agree with them will look elsewhere and maybe just the ones who will do what she wants will stay and she will be happy.. I wish her well...
I liked this post
@greatredwoman@xanga - thank you for the warm wishes. they aren't really RULES though, they're just my preferences. and I have found the man i want to spend the rest of my life with already
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