August 4, 2013

  • Birth Control: Who Should Call the Shots?


    If you’re sexually active and you’re not looking to reproduce, then birth control is probably on your mind from time to time.     If you’re gay (like me), then your birth control is biology. But if you’re straight, you’re going to need a pill, ring, patch, condom, or other contraceptive contraption or substance to help prevent pregnancy. My question is: when it comes to birth control, who should call the shots?

    Here’s a scenario: a girl and a guy start dating and, soon after, they start sleeping together. It’s the honeymoon phase, and they’re loving it. They’re using condoms, and everything is peachy-keen. One day, though, the guy decides it’s time for a conversation. He tells – not asks – the girl to go on the pill. He’s sick of condoms, and he’s ready for a “true” skin-to-skin experience. (Something very similar happened to one of my friends.) 

    This scenario doesn’t sit well with me. I’m all for women having complete control over their bodies, and a pill-demanding boyfriend is a bit of an affront to that. I wouldn’t see a problem with him merely suggesting it, but pushing for it is a little much. Maybe I’m also not a fan because this scenario happens pretty early in the relationship. If a couple has been dating for years and years, the pushiness would be a tad more acceptable. 

    To be clear, I do not have a problem with the pill. I just have a problem with a guy wanting his girlfriend to add chemicals to her body and risk possible side effects if the girl doesn’t want to. I mean, what if this scenario was reversed, and the girl was demanding that her boyfriend get a vasectomy? (Yes, yes, I know that’s more extreme, but bear with me.) 

    I must admit, my personal experience with birth control is pretty nonexistent. I came close to having sex with a couple boyfriends, but I never felt ready to go through with it (you can figure out why). In general, though, I think birth control decisions should be like all other sexual decisions – consensual. No demands, no pushiness, no pressure. 

    When it comes to birth control, who should call the shots? In your experiences, how are/were decisions about birth control made? Has a partner ever pressured you to use a different BC method (or vice versa)?  

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Comments (25)

  • I didn't go on the pill because I was afraid of the health-adverse side effects. It is a lot more intrusive than a condom. I would offer to try a female condom or sponge if he refused to wear a condom, but I wouldn't start BC just because someone doesn't want to wear a condom. That is a serious health decision that only a woman and her doctor should make.

  • I started the pill from my own free will but asked for my SO's input as far as what kind of birth control. I was looking at shots, mini pills, regular pills, long term IUDs, everything. we settled on what we thought was best for our relationship and what i was also most comfortable with. we also use condoms, i should add. i think if you want to have sex with your partner, they have a right to be covered too. i originally wanted an IUD for the long-term, easy to "use" aspect of it but my partner had concerns about implanting and then, what if we wanted children? would we have to take it out? then put it back in? etc. we decided a pill would be better for us should we decide to have kids of our own. i approached him for his opinion and he told me he was grateful for that kind of communication. i can't understand people who don't give their partner that kind of option. if your partner won't choose the safest and best option for the two of you...i can't see why you're together anyway. i will say, had he tried to pressure me into the pill and i hadn't wanted it for said side effects, i would've been upset. my SO and I were together for about six months when I started the pill and living together (we moved a bit quick..lol) so if he jumped the gun earlier than that, I would've thought he was totally out of place.

  • It should always be the woman's decision whether or not she wants to be on birth control. Men can suggest they try taking it, but they don't have the final say. I think it's rude if a man demands the woman to take it because he wants the real skin-to-skin feel..

  • Rather counterintuitively (if you've ever heard my opinion on breaking up and how I believe both people should decide together or not at all), I think birth control should be the individual's decision to take/use it independently of their partner's wishes, but the decision tonot take/use birth control should be a joint decision.

  • @T3hZ10n@xanga - here here!

  • @T3hZ10n@xanga - Hell must have froze over because for once you say something that makes perfect sense. I will say this works both ways though. Just like I don't think a man has any right to tell a woman to not use contraception, the same thing applies AND I think it's bullshit when women trick men into thinking they're on birth control when they're really not (though lesson to you guys: never trust a woman when she says she's on birth control and take control of the situation yourselves). Further, there should be no spousal consent requirement when it comes to surgical sterilization either way.  

  • Females should be the ones to decide.  The guy can use a condom.

  • @secretbeerreporter@xanga - Hahahaha, you talking about "sense".

  • @TheGuyYouD0ntKnow@xanga - Of course. I'm the smartest damn person on this entire site, so naturally if I say something makes sense it does, and likewise what I say makes sense. 

  • When we're talking birth control, I assume we mean specifically hormonal control. Cause I think the shots should be taken called both boys and girls. Meaning, a girl and a boy can demand they use a condom. BC meaning the pill, however, isn't like wearing a glove. You're fundamentally changing the way your body functions-- and since taking birth control does not have any effects on the male member of the party, it seems unreasonable to allow (or even consider) a man to tell his partner she must go on the pill to satisfy his sexual desires. 

  • Woman's decision...hands down. Not that I'm against men giving their input; I, myself, asked for my boyfriend's opinion just to hear a different insight. But when it comes to who makes the final decision, it should ultimately be the woman as it is her body being affected.

  • @secretbeerreporter@xanga - "Hell must have froze over because for once you say something that makes perfect sense."Says a 5-year-old when a mathematician changes the topic to cookies.All this crap about it freezing over... the only ones who would consider the place hot to begin with are those who fell from grace to the real world. I can tell you based on my ascent to Hell from absolute nothingness that it's agonizingly lukewarm as always.

  • The solution should be something both parties are happy with. If a girl refuses to use the pill, she should find a mate that doesn't mind condoms. Diminishing his sexual needs is not going to fix anything, only create tension and cause him to lose interest. That's why a guy would be pushy... because it matters to him. I am not on the pill, not because I really WANT to be, but because it was the best solution we came up with to keep us both happy. If you try to "win" all the time, even though it's your body... you may just end up not having to worry about it because you're single.

  • Ultimately, I think it should be the girl's decision especially with the pill.The pill will do a lot more to her body than prevent pregnancy. Her hormones can be all out of whack, weight gain/loss, etc. I think a lot of men forget that sometimes.

  • The man (or woman) can suggest, tell, or demand what the partner should do. What the individual puts in or on his/her own body is still ultimately her/his own decision. If the woman doesn't want to create unnatural hormone balances in her body and put in crap with who knows what side effects, then she doesn't have to. The guy doesn't have to bend either if he doesn't want to use a condom, I mean why shower with clothes on. If it's all about asserting one's rights then each person should act in his own interest since that's what it's about. All the complications of premarital sex...

  • No one can tell me what to do, especially since I am actually not taking it due to heart problems. I respect if someone doesn't sleep with me because of it though.As far as I'm informed, there's a birth control pill for the man too now. The same applies to that obviously. I can ask somone to take it, he can say no, and I decide what conseqeces that has. Simple enough, right?

  • I agree. I'm all for women having a say in what she puts in her body. If I don't want to riddle down my immune system with hormone-holding pills and throw off my own natural balance of hormones, then I don't want to.  My body; my rules.Also, it's not worth it to go in and pay so much money (even if it's 4 dollars every time you renew) for shit that you're gonna get off anyway if you decide to conceive, and you have to go and change the pills every few years because staying on the same pill for too long is bad for you...SO many catches. I say, if you don't have what I have, then you don't have a say in what happens. Use the condom, or we can go celibate because I don't NEED to have sex.

  • What ever happened to the male birth control pill? I heard they were making one...

  • @the__assassin@xanga - It takes only a single sperm cell to get a woman pregnant, so a male birth control pill that is capable of sterilizing a man to a satisfactory degree (that is to say, killing millions of cells even as discriminately as possible) is bound to cause an unsatisfactory amount of collateral damage.If scientists came up with a way to effectively kill millions of a specific type of cell without destroying other cells in the process, what you have is (analogous to) the cure for cancer. For a species to develop that before a cure for cancer is just... laughable and at the same time deeply disappointing, serving as yet another of the already countless testaments to where our priorities truly lie.

  • Birth Control issues are really ABORTION issues. don't even try to dodge that fact.

  • Whenyou get down to the meats and potatoes of the birth control thing, both partiesshould have a say in the matter. The female doesn't have to agree with what theBF wants but, she should hear him out. Just so that there is a clearunderstanding of what type birth control method is being used. Just in case. Because,if the guy or the girl for that matter is willing to do it raw dog than thereis a possibility of getting pregnant. This will change thing dramatically inthe relationship. Now both parties are involved in what happens next, dependingon their values. In the past I have been mixed up with some screwy Bettys. Onein particular, reassured me that she was on the “pill”. Are relationship startedto get rocky and she stop taking the pill and did not tell me. Needless to say,I was pretty mad. Because of that experience, I now have some trust issue whenit comes to birth control. Hindsight is always 20/20, looking back I believeshe tried to keep me around by trying to have a baby. She never got pregnant butI did leave her. Now, I do my part and wear a condom. Plus, the pill alone won’tprotect you from STD’s. Even married couples get STD’s gay and straight. Safetyfirst….. 

  • Wow! How do I even confront this issue. I do tend to think that birth control issues are really abortion issues, but when I look at society and see how many atrocities go unnoticed I sometimes think aborted babies are more lucky than the ones being raised in the homes of arrogant hypocrites. I do think it's interesting that society is more concerned with drugs, in this case birth control, but also penis enlargement and breast enlargement drugs, or testosterone and estrogen therapies for sex changes etc...yeah, it's pretty sad the culture is sex obsessed and not more interested in helping fundamental problems. Albeit, I suppose I am not really as concerned with cancer and I am concerned with more metaphorical "cancers' in society such as apathy. For me, I think the decision to use birth control should be discussed as early as the first date. Decide right off, cause you know within 8 minutes, 8 nanoseconds, IF you want to copulate with another person, and you kind of know if you are going to fall in Love even. So, talk about it quickly to see if you have goals that keep you from wanting to have children. If your goals or financial situation makes having children something to look at closely such as you know that you don't have enough money to buy a comfortable home for a child to come into this world into, then by all means use birth control rather than to bring a child into an uncomfortable situation. However, if you have the means financially and the security in yoru society, not living in like say Ireland where they still have bombings, or in like one of the Arab countries, where it might be unsafe even if you were relatively financially set in comparison to others...I mean to say you don't want to bring your children into this world until you can move to a save country, than that's another reason to use birth control. Anyway, I think if your life has freedom and financial stability, assuming your SO is your True Love, than using birth control is wrong. You should let Destiny decide whenever you have freedom and financial stability, or God even, if you believe in God, should probably decide, in my opinion, in such free and safe environments. Otherwise, I figure even God would want you to make frugal decisions and use birth control until you can get financially stable or like I said move to a country with more freedoms. I think the decision has to come from both parties. In this particular instance, I am Disgusted by the man who wants to pressure a girl into using a birth control, personally. He sounds insensitive and unloving, and I don't think this girl should give into him or have sex with him. If he doesn't want to have children with her to the extent that he's putting all this ugly pressure on her, than he's a piece of crap. And if it were the other way around and the girl were pressuring to use condoms or Male BC, and the story were the exact same except a change in pronouns...than I'd be Disgusted in the girl, and say this boy should not have sex with her because then she'd be the insensitive unloving one.

  • Woman's decision...hands down. Not that I'm against men giving their input; I, myself, asked for my boyfriend's opinion just to hear a different insight. But when it comes to who makes the final decision, it should ultimately be the woman as it is her body being affected.seal tags

  • Ultimately, it's the woman's body so the decision on the method of birth control to use falls on her. A man can make suggestions, but trying to force someone to put something in their body is an act of aggression.

  • Womans decision.  Just like abortion.  @dovegrrl  BIRTH CONTROL DOES NOT KILL A BABY.  IT PREVENTS THE BABY FROM BEING CREATED.  If you are ALREADY PREGNANT birthcontrol WILL NOT help you.  Go back to basic sex ed class please and put the religious fanatacism down.    I told my bf just because I'm on the pill doesn't mean you get off scot free.  You're wearing a condom or we aren't having sex.  But I'm not on BC for your typical avoid pregnancy issues.  I'm on it for a VALID medical reason.

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