August 5, 2013

  • Bodybuilding Became His Mistress


    Five or so years ago, I dated this really sweet guy named Joey. He was sensitive, caring, and considerate, and at the time, I assumed we’d be together for the long haul. But then, out of nowhere, something within him snapped. He cut his long, black, curly hair, he bought some equipment and supplements, and he became completely obsessed with bodybuilding.

    After Joey’s transformation, he told me that his goal (perhaps his life goal?) was to win “Best Physique” for our senior class superlatives. I didn’t think much of it. I mean, it’s good to be ambitious and set goals for yourself. And fitness is never a bad thing, right? 

    Wrong. Though fitness is definitely good for the body, it can be toxic for relationships. Before long, Joey started posting progress pictures on MySpace (yeah, this was that long ago) for all to see. Girls would, of course, leave flirtatious comments, and Joey would, of course, love the attention. By posting those pictures, he was asking for it. I wasn’t completely okay with this, but it wasn’t quite reason enough to break up. 

    I don’t think I’m reaching when I say Joey fell in love with bodybuilding. He wanted (well, still wants) to be the next Arnold Schwarzenegger. Bodybuilding became his mistress, and I felt slighted. Weeks later, we called it quits. (It was because of lot more than just his bodybuilding, but that didn’t help.) 

    Because of my experience with Joey, I cringe when I hear anyone talk about their bodybuilding ambitions. When my fiancée mentions buying protein, I get pissed off immediately. Oh, and he did get the title of “Best Physique.” Life goal: check. 

    Have you ever dated someone who was obsessed with fitness and/or bodybuilding? How did it affect your relationship? If you’ve never experienced anything like this, how would you deal with this situation?  

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Comments (10)

  • Ultimately, it's hard to be with someone that does share or at least support what you are passionate about, be it body building or any other hobby/sport.  Can't really speak for body building but if it's anything like rock climbing, it's a passion that drives us and yes, we do appreciate the encouragement that we would prefer come from our SO but will take from anyone.  If you dismiss someone's passion as something silly then yes, it will breed resentment. 

    My advice for these particular situation is that even if you don't understand or share your SO's passion about a particular activity, you should support them in that it makes them happy.  And no, I don't approve of the flirting that he got from posting pics but that's really more of a symptom to the underlining problem. 

  • When I was back in high school, I was with a guy who I thought was my whole world... totally wrong. after dating for a year, things started to get shaky here and there, but it really started to go downhill when I realized he was addicted to the gym. I mean, it got bad.. I loved working out, until dating this guy. He was there EVERY single morning.. If I was sick or not feeling good, he didn't care. He was give me guilt trips that were pretty rough. There was one time he actually picked working out for the second time that day over taking care of me when I was hurting/really sick. Oh, and for Valentine's day, instead of flowers or jewelry or something like a normal boyfriend would... I got a workout book he made for me. That was love right there.. but not for me. For the gym. After we broke up, it actually took me a while to work out again. I just hated it with a passion for that constant reminder.. BUT I did the right thing, and I didn't let it ruin my love for working out. I eventually got back in the gym, and now I'm an army soldier, and I got past it. :) I found someone who loves me for me, and stands by my side for the support on working out on my terms. Plus, he lets me know how beautiful I am everyday. I definitely understand what you went through, though! 

  • No, but my ex boyfriend would buy drugs to improve his physique more quickly. He only took 2 of the 200 pills he bought, luckily, because he came to his senses and loves himself as he is (he does have a good body. Capable, strong and healthy, even though he's pretty ordinary looking...a bit skinny.) It got him a trial though, and he got kicked out of the army (sigh...well I am glad he's not goig to Afghanistan at least.)

    It brought my attention to the subject, because many of his friends did the same. They looked downright scary to me, and not attractive. Given the side effects of steroids, I think this is no better than my eating disorder. In fact I see all too many similarities.

    I didn't do any serious physical damage to myself, but  neglecting
    important stuff follows me to this day, while I realized that ACTUALLY
    being chubby isn't THAT terrible, so even without the aspect of physical  illness, it is maybe just not wise to obsess about looks that much. Only other obsessed people really care.

    I have a few facebook friends who practice body building, and even though they say they do it "naturally" their whole body-obsessed attitude reminds me a bit of my pro-ana phase. Today someone wrote he does it because he wants to prove to himself he can do anything and inspire others. He calls his past self a fatty and a lardass, and he writes that he's "proud but never satisfied". So...I know he can have these abs. I don't care, I don't need abs. It doesn't inspire me to anything because it says nothing about his academic achievements or how well he does with other people. It is exactly what I thought too about 10 years ago though, until, at some point, I neglected school and friends to work out, throw up my food and deal with the aftermath of fatigue.
    My "E.d. community" and I constantly remind each other that this "identity" will not help us in the "real world". It often helps to run away from the seriousness and possibility of failure of "real" life goals (rather than to motivate to achieve them as well.), or serves as a "coping mechanism" in other ways.It became my subsitute for everything. If I'm skinny, I'll also be attractive, adorable, smart, respected and everything else will come by itself. Bullshit.

    I think body building has the potential to do exactly the same. They MIGHT wake up one day and wish they had spent the time with their girlfriend, a possible child or at evening school. maybe some will feel crushed when they get old and no longer look the
    same and feel like a "fatty" or "lardass" and far from "satisfied". Perhaps they will also look back and are happy about the bodies they had.

    Of course not everyone gets physically ill, or neglects aspects of life to a measurabel degree, when they want to get more toned or more skinny. Just as with eating disorders and 'extreme' diets, it's hard to say when the line is crossed, and I don't want to undermine anyone's right to make their choices.

    It's good to keep an eye on it (yourself) though, you can be addicted to almost anything.

  • Well, I personally have never dated anyone gym obsessed. I do exercise, but I'm definitely not gym obsessed. My brother exercises, but I don't think he's gym obsessed, I just think he's bored and finding something to do with his time. On the other side of this. I do have a married Friend, who went through this body building stuff with his wife. He even went so far as to post his progress. The problem is both men and women commented on how good his progress. His wife got jealous of the women complimenting him, and she, in my opinion and in My Friend's Opinion, has the right to be jealous. But he did point out, and I helped to mediate between them, that both men and women were complimenting him. So, the reality is that my Friend, NEVER understood, and had he understood he never would have tolerated, these women being flirtatious. He took their compliments as purely a friendship. And did NOT know that they were complimenting him to try to steal him from his wife. Nowadays, he continues to exercise, because it is simply something he enjoys doing, and his wife shares his passion and works out with him on occasion, although he has more stamina in the gym. Getting to work out with his wife, makes him feel good, but he doesn't try to push her out of his own jealousies anymore. Instead, they work out a exercise schedule and try to accommodate each other emotionally. They still get jealous sometimes, but then they figure out who was sincere friends and who was not, because they realized a LOT of the jealousies came about from external relationships with people that were platonic outside their marriage on their part, but again these people weren't sincere friends. Then, they cut out the complimenters from their lives, and keep the sincere encouragers that are their friends close at hand.

  • Bodybuilding can be a positive passion/hobby to pursue. What is wrong with wanting to attain a goal physique and level of fitness if it doesn't harm them or others around them? It can be a great lifestyle it also helps improve your self-esteem, confidence, organisational skills and be a nice change from just studying or going to work every day.

    It can 'toxic' for relationships when you have an unsupportive partner trying to pull you down from your goals/passion. 
    If it becomes an addiction, displaces them from real life, and detriment to their well-being then it is a problem. This dude just sounds like he wants to achieve to be a physically better version of himself. If he wants to win a small competition, why not?
    My boyfriend got into gymming 2 years before I did. It helped him a lot with his confidence. Girls have tried flirting with him and it's actually funny to hear about it.I started gymming 5 days a week and I've never felt better than ever. My mind is clearer, I procrastinate a lot less, I study more and I use the computer a lot less. I lost interest in using the computer as much and quit gaming(I used to play 20-30 hours/week).

  • Sad and interesting at the same time. Don't know either have to laugh or cry.
    http://hyperfuel9x.us/

  • But life doesn't ends over here. Keep on proceeding dear.
    http://www.titaniumpro-x.com/

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