August 7, 2013
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Will He Notice the Weight?
I was texting my friend, Miriam*, this morning when we got on the subject of weight. I joked about how much weight I have gained this summer after countless late night fast food runs with my friends after going out. I told her how I may or may not have ripped a skirt that used to fit when I sat down at work the other day. I told her I never really liked the skirt though, so it was okay. We joked at how people might not even be able to recognize us once we returned to campus. We sent countless virtual "hahahahahaha's" back and fourth as I snickered and tried not to disturb the people in my office. I liked how Miriam and I could laugh about this type of stuff.The mood shifted quite suddenly when we got to the subject of returning to campus. Miriam brought up her boyfriend who has been abroad for the whole summer. She is extremely excited to see him when we go back to school in a month but at the same time, kind of hesitant. "Wait what if he actually doesn't recognize me..?"
Of course, Miriam knows that her boyfriend will know who she is once they return to campus. However, she did admit that while she could joke with me about weight gain, with him she wasn't laughing. Her boyfriend has never mentioned weight, and Miriam certainly does not have a weight problem. It is just that these three months of summer have been the longest she has been away from her boyfriend. (They started dating last school year.) She is simply concerned that the first time they see each other (or are intimate) he might notice the extra weight. She is even stressed about if he will be attracted to her anymore.
Should Miriam be worried? (She has gained about 15 pounds.) Have you ever been concerned about a weight gain when it came to your SO? Has an SO ever said something to you about it? Would you ever mention your SO's weight gain? Have you ever found yourself no longer attracted to an SO because of a weight gain? Or vice versa?
Comments (22)
It depends on a few things I suppose. Honestly, if he's worth her time (or if anybody is worth anyone's time), it's true what they say that appearances don't matter.I used to be super skinny, almost a size 0. Due to certain circumstances and events I would rather not get into, I gained a lot of weight this past year (~60 lbs!) and am no where near that skinny. When I first started gaining weight, my boyfriend at the time started becoming distant. Eventually he just broke up with me, and never had anything to do with me again. Did I ever hurt his feelings, abuse him, do anything to lose his trust, or anything like that? No, the only thing that changed about me was my clothing size. However, my current boyfriend buys me roses for no reason. He takes me out, calls me beautiful, and supports me in whatever I choose to do. Like I said, I am not that skinny. He knows I used to be super slim, knows I want to be like that again, has seen pictures of me at that size, and still loves me for me. He admits he's not attracted to "bigger" girls; maybe his definition of a big girl is different from mine (considering I think of myself as larger than I'd like to be), or maybe he's just putting that aside for me (which would be a little difficult to do imo), but...long story short, the right person doesn't care.
He'll notice.I've gained a couple pounds recently and my boyfriend has noticed and commented on it. It's hard to lose weight though, we're poor and can't afford healthy foods. I'm sure if I gained any more it would become an issue.
Depends on how attentive he is. But noticing doesn't mean he cares.One way you can be sure a guy will notice is if any of the weight went to the boobs. Then he'll notice for sure.
This is all her fault for eating all that junk food late at night and not caring about your appearance. When her boyfriend dumps her because he's not attracted to her anymore, she will get what she deserves, because the taste of McDonald's was more important to her than turning her boyfriend on.My wife has yo-yo'ed in weight before, and I have had to be honest with her: It's not attractive. (Just like she is honest with me when I do things that are not attractive to her.) BUT, like a healthy couple, we help each other learn and get past whatever problems we have.I was a personal trainer for 5 years and still lead a healthy, active lifestyle. She's learned a lot from me about how to exercise and eat properly. When she has a problem with weight gain, it's probably because her thyroid medication is off, NOT because she's a lazy cow who eats junk food every night (which is what Miriam sounds like). My wife eats well and leads a healthy lifestyle, especially compared to most people we know. When she has gained weight due to her synthroid being off, I've helped her by weight-training with her, doing an activities with her, and shopping at healthy markets with her. I don't push her; she does this because she wants to.If I was with someone like Miriam who just expected me to be attracted to her no matter how many cheeseburgers she felt like stuffing in her face, I would have no sympathy and dump her ass. The right boyfriend will help his overweight girlfriend become more active and eat healthier. BUT the right girlfriend has to actually WANT to eat healthy and stay attractive.
What thaifighter83 says. So true. Your friend needs to realize that if she's going to eat all that garbage she needs to work it off. A few fast food spots is'nt bad. But if you are constantly doing that for 3 months and not exercising it off, that weight will add up quickly. Remember super size me? Hello.
He'll notice. Chances are he won't dump her, but if he does, then she's better off without him. While I was dating my first boyfriend, I gained 15 lbs. (I was already fat, and then I gained 15 lbs). He still proposed to me, even though I was fat. (I left him because I was in love with someone else). Then I met my new, current boyfriend, while "fat."I've gained another 15 lbs, and I'm still with that guy.
@Pure_Taint@xanga - Out of curiosity, what kind of foods do you guys buy that you would consider cheap and unhealthy?
i was very fit in high school and during my sophomore year of college, due to a lot of things, i gained about five pounds. its not a lot, but it was definitely noticable. My boyfriend and I had been dating a long time at that point, and I felt comfortable addressing the problem with him. I asked him if he noticed my weight gain and then we agreed to just try to be healthier together. Of course he stayed with me and still loves me, but it's nice to have him be honest and to be supportive
@AsylumBlue - White pasta. My boyfriend is a picky eater so he mostly chooses what we eat. I don't have the money right now to buy myself separate groceries.So lots of $1 boxes of white pasta, velveeta shells, tacos, jarred alfredo sauce (ugh). When we do have real meat like chicken breasts or pork chops, it's paired with prepackaged rice sides.He doesn't eat whole grains, veggies or seafood. But he also has 4% body fat and a stupid fast metabolism so it doesn't bother him. Lucky asshole.
It's a tricky thing with women and weight because I find that when they gain weight, they treat you differently. Yes, guys do notice when you gain weight but that's really the wrong question to ask, what should matter if he even cares about it (within reason, I mean it says something about you when you just let yourself go completely). I noticed when my GF gains weight, she is less interested in sex or going outdoors on our usual adventures. Do I really care she gained like 10-20lbs? Not particularly, although most of it is probably muscle and I dig how it makes her butt looks. What I really do not appreciate is that she becomes super sensitive and defensive because she thinks I'm judging her weight gain and projects her own insecurity onto me. Not cool and I call her out on it. She'll flip a few tables but once the rage subsides, she's back to her normal self.
@Pure_Taint@xanga - Eggs, rice, oats. Cheap.He'll notice.Yes, I comment on my husband's weight. Yes, it's been an issue. I didn't marry him for his looks, though. I've gained a lot of weight, too. He's admitted I was more attractive back then. But we still love one another.My ex is now so overweight I couldn't see myself dating her. She's no longer attractive to me because of it. She gained over 50lbs, though.
I ran into my ex after gaining about 10 lbs (which I was proud of. I'd thought I was too skinny before) and the first thing he said to me was, "Wow. You've put on weight!" I found that rather unnerving because even though I thought I looked great with the extra meat on my bones and new-found curves, it was still awkward that that was the very first thing he said to me.
Yes, he'll notice. It may or may not be an issue. Some guys like curvy girls. One of my friends lost a lot of weight and her boyfriend wanted her to gain it back.I gained about 15 pounds and it's driving me crazy, bf says he hasn't noticed...He's overweight and it doesn't make him less desirable to me...but I know it bugs him too. We're both working on it, but it hasn't affected our relationship.
He'll notice. I don't know if he will care or not. Every go in my past would have thought I was a cow if I gained 15 pounds and so would I, so I would never eat like crap and not work out and then boo hoo because the dude I am with likes skinny chicks and I am over his weight limit.My husband gained weight when I got pregnant and never lost it. I find his pot belly and love handles disgusting. I invite him to workout with me to no avail. Totally shallow of me, but wherever. If you are wondering I did lose the baby weight. If he wanted me to be underweight like I was, I would be.
I gained like 80 pounds during my pregnancy. it was horrible. it's been 6 months and I've only lost 60 of it, so I'm 20 pounds heavier than I was before I was pregnant. I am absolutely disgusted by those 20 pounds and I'm still trying to lose them, but my fiance seems more attracted to me now it's weird lol. maybe he likes a little chunky chunky haha
Unless he's a sideshow carnival performer or carries around a scale, I'm pretty sure he'd notice your volume before your weight. Some people can be so dense... pun intended.
If he notices is one thing... if they're going to stay together despite it, another question I can't answer. But 15 lbs (depending on your plateau weight) you'd notice.
anyone would notice 15 lbs. ...and yeah i would comment if my so gains unhealthy fat. Hes naturally pretty skinny and tall and a conscious eater so I dont know if he will have a pot belly or not but yeah it would be a deal breaker if he became a lazy fat slob.
@Pure_Taint@xanga - May I kindly suggest that that Coca-Cola and other pop is costly and loaded with sugar and calories. You could take the money you'd save by not buying it and put it toward healthier choices. Healthy food doesn't mean buying all organic stuff from Whole Foods. I don't have a lot of money either, and I shop at Walmart. Despite the processed crap they show in their ads, you can get a lot of decently-priced fruits and veggies there.
@nonurbusinessyo@xanga - Most insightful comment! I feel like my bf feels the same way. if I still behaved the same weighing 15lbs more, he might not even notice. But because I am clearly insecure (no matter how much I try to hide it) he notices. Also, I get cranky when I diet.
@fragilealabaster@xanga - I haven't had soda in about a year. I don't drink it anymore. But thanks.
15lbs in three months? That's disgusting.
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