August 9, 2013
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If You Snoop...
A friend of mine, Jen, has been casually seeing this guy, Andrew for the last month or so. We all went over to her apartment before we went downtown the other day and he came along with us. After a few loaded Coronas, we all took a cab to the bars. After a few drinks at the apartment, Andrew accidently left his phone at Jen's apartment. We stayed at the bar for a couple of hours, had a few more drinks, and took a cab back to Jen's apartment (Andrew ended up leaving the bar separately with some of his friends).
I laid down on the couch with my two friends and we laughed while we recounted the night's events back to each other. Jen was in the other room, getting a drink of water. About five minutes pass and Jen walks into the room, hands me Andrew's phone, and then goes to her bedroom. The whole time she doesn't say a word. I look at the phone and see that it's unlocked and open to a text between Andrew and a friend of his. Andrew, regardless of how he acted towards Jen in public, did not have many nice things to say about her at all! He spoke ill of her weight, her personality, and mentioned that he liked her friends more than he liked her.I walked into the other room where she was sitting on the floor, crying. I tried to console her, but the damage had already been done. I felt terrible because Jen is my best friend and I would never wish that sort of thing on anyone! At the same time, when you snoop in someone's phone, you are looking to find something that you don't like. It's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. So when you do, if you do, find something that upsets you, you feel justified in snooping.
Snooping. Have you ever snooped through an significant other's (or someone who you were dating's) phone/computer? Did you find something you didn't like? Did you regret that decision of having looked through their phone/computer? Has anyone ever snooped through your phone/computer?
Comments (6)
I have always felt that if you have a reason to suspect something is going on behind your back... That it probably is. Sometimes women's just need that "solid proof" of seeing it on their guy's phone to validate their gut feeling and to remind them that they're not just hormonal and crazy, they are just in a relationship with an ass hole. I've had two relationships where I've had the gut feeling that something wasn't right and decided to look through phones. It made me feel like absolute shit after but it helped me to move on from the situation. If you're with a guy that you feel the need to dig through his phone and his personal things, you need to break up.
I haven't snooped through his phone or computer but I was picking up laundry and was in his closet grabbing stuff off the floor and found some stuff. It wasn't devastating but I am not happy about it either. Still, information worth knowing.I know your friend is hurting, but at least she won't waste any more time on this relationship.
Imo, when you snoop (which I think is not right for privacy reasons...he could have had some secret that doesn't affect her) you can also just be curious. Maybe you try to find out more about the person. That's what I do when I 'stalk' people online, even though I don't consider it 'stalking'...they are responsible for what they ut out there. Maybe she half-expected to find something flattering. When someone is in a relationship with you, you have reasons to assume they like you, so no wonder if she was surprised. Sometimes the truth just hurts, similarly to when you get bad news from a doctor. Knowing that you need to know to find the best solution doesn't take away the pain. I think in this case it was good for her she snooped, and she just had to handle the feelings that overcame her.Now she has to try and move on, and I hope she does.I haven't snooped, partly because I think it's wrong and I try to trust people, partly because I was afraid of what I could find. Even if I found something disturbing that isn't about me, it might be on my mind, and affect the relationship.
i've snooped - never regretted it once
I have snooped.. I w as living with my significant other ,. and I agree, when you feel like someone is doing stuff behind your back, its probably because they are. you get a gut feeling that is unexplainable. And snooping can sometimes lead to insecurities and other little issues, but its best to surround yourself with true people that care. That guy .. is such a jerk, but it goes to show that after a while, you never really know people.
A friend of mine snooped through her SO FB account. He used her phone when he moved overseas to be with her and forgot to log out when he got his own phone. So she went to the messages (thinking it was hers) and saw all sorts of conversations between him and his best friend. Mostly about how annoying she was, and how selfish she was for not spending enough time with him. Basically bashing her and talking as if he was trying to break up with her. This obviously upset her a lot, but the relationship was doomed from the start. There were obvious trust issues between them both. But for your friend's situation, seems like it was just a poor friendship and this guy may have been using her for easy-pussy. It happens. So, good thing she found out sooner rather than later.
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