August 11, 2013
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"I Love You But..."
You've met what seems to be someone you connect to. It begins with bantering, flirting, arguing and acting like a married couple...except you both work together. And granted maybe this "thing" was born out of the fact you and him were around each other 40 hours a week. Maybe it started that way, but as time went on, there was a dynamic you two shared that co-workers took notice to, people start calling him "your boy" or just began watching you two like a tennis match (QUIET PLEASE) to see what happens.Your personal lives become knowledge shared between you, you know about his life, he knows about the fact you're taking an anti-depressant because you are having a hard time dealing with your grandfather's death, you know about the girlfriend he's living with, but is seemingly unhappy with.
So despite putting your heart out on the table, not once, not twice, but three times (and no ladies and gents, third time was NOT the charm), it seems as if you never really ever found out if this "thing" was just a work fluke, or if it could've been developed into something more. Or even if he just felt a little of the same way. Okay, maybe that last part isn't exactly true. Maybe he did tell you something....
Not that there didn't seem to be weird signs coming from him. When you first decide to leave the company to return to college, after never going out to lunch together, he finally decides to join you and your other co-workers for a goodbye lunch, but not before leaving a single red rose with a note that says, "If you need anything, call me." And of course there was the end of the day when you went to say goodbye to everyone and he came out almost slamming his head onto his cubicle and wrapping his arms around your waist (okay, he had too much Sangria).
Then a couple of years after your return, and another imminent departure, he finally takes you to lunch and shares his tales of relationship woe, his life story, as well as give you a shoulder to cry on when you have a breakdown at work. Then of course there was that mysterious six dozen roses (with no tag and no one claimed to get it) that appeared at a warehouse sale on your birthday in the middle of the afternoon, when he conveniently went out for lunch? So here are all great signs. Okay, yeah he's seeing someone, and okay, she's living with him. But from what it seems...things aren't all good in that.
So with you finally leaving for the last time (and starting to sound like Bruce Banner from the Incredible Hulk, cue the Lonely Man), maybe, just maybe, you two will go out to lunch and get this out on the table. Except...he invites another male co-worker leaving you two no alone time until you leave and are standing in the lobby. Where you pretty much lay it out and say that you are basically giving him a back door out of his relationship to get together. He has his arms around your waist again and he says...
"I love you but I live with my girlfriend."
HUH? As you stand there waiting for him to add something to that comment...he doesn't.
So does he "love you"? or does he "love" his girlfriend? Is he just settling to his fate?
Why do people throw out signals that seem to mean one thing, but mean another? From the evidence given, what is your take?
Comments (9)
Um he loves you but he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend. So you don't get to have him. It actually doesn't get any clearer. He's laid it out for you. You can either hang in there till they break up (if ever). or you can find someone who doesn't already have a girlfriend haha
^ What she said.If he could have both you and his current girlfriend he would. Since he has to choose only one, he's going to keep the one he already has. I'm sure you'd be just thrilled to have a guy like that.
he likes that he has you wrapped around his little finger
Great movie to watch: "The Holiday".
I'd say stay clear of him until he decides what he wants. This type of behavior is often repeated in new relationships. When things get bad, he may stick with you and "live with you"... But what's that to say about the third wheel that will almost definitely find a way into your relationship? The next girl he'll love on the side when things get rough between you two? So, why worry with a man like that? And why be a woman like that? *hugs* Best wishes in figuring it all out!!
I have crap self-esteem, but even I have no interest in men like that. Even if he isn't actually sleeping with you, to me, it is just as bad.. (How would you feel if your SO was giving another person flowers and saying they loved them, right? My boyfriend would be kicked to the curb and no regrets!!)Besides, the guy is flirting? toying? with you on the side! If he leaves his girlfriend and gets with you, how are you going to trust him? He may do the same thing with another gal.Find an unconflicted guy, this one just seems selfish, unable to decide who he wants so he strings you along..
If he'd cheat on his girlfriend, he'd cheat on you... He's a player...RUN fast
@greatredwoman@xanga - From what I read he didn't cheat. How is he a player again? She asked him what was up and he said he lives with his girlfriend, indicating that he wasn't going to act on his feelings.I'm almost certain you'd contradict yourself and agree that you can't control how you feel about a person... so RUN fast from someone who is honest to you and loyal to his girlfriend?
Leave him the hell alone. You sound like a man, creating "signals" out of friendly behavior. Go find a single guy. No one who lives together in a relationship is perfectly happy all the time so stop assuming you know what they need. He is obviously too good for you if he is able to 1. let you down nicely and 2. stay loyal to his girlfriend whereas YOU are trying to get him to seek fulfillment outside of the commitment he already has, and turning his kindness into something else. Maybe you should get some therapy, too... you're writing leads me to believe you're somewhat unstable.
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