August 11, 2013
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Is There Something Wrong with Settling Down?
Yesterday, I pondered the question, “Should You Ever Settle?” The resounding answer, according to the comments, was “no.” Tonight, as I lie in bed and listen to Regina Spektor, my slumbering fiancée, and an oscillating Walmart fan, I’m pondering something else about settling – specifically, settling down.Many people, at some point in their lives, decide that it is time to “settle down.” Generally, this means to stop dating around in favor of finding someone (or a few someones, if you’re poly) to make a life (and possibly babies) with. However, I can’t help but to notice that some people attach a negative connotation to settling down. They act as if it is a dreadful duty, as if it is something that will stop them from living a full life. This makes me wonder: is there something wrong with settling down?
I guess you could say that I’ve settled down, insofar as I’m in a committed relationship with a woman that I plan to marry and start a family with. However, when things began with Mercedes, I wasn’t exactly looking to settle down. Actually (and you’ll know this if you read my dating journey posts), I was in a relationship with someone else when Mercedes and I started growing closer. Settling down was the furthest thing from my mind five years ago, but here I am, settled, literally and figuratively, in our IKEA bed.
Perhaps negative feelings toward settling down come from the belief that the settled-down life is also a toned/tied-down life. My own experiences refute that, as I still go out, have fun, and meet new people, with or without Mercedes by my side. I’d even argue that, as she has made me into an avid concert-goer and traveler, she makes my life more exciting. So, given this, doesn’t settling down seem like a good thing?
Some people may just never want to settle down, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But I’m talking more about the people who do settle down, and just sort of dread it or frown upon it. I mean, one of the main reasons you date people is to find someone to settle down with, right? So, when you do find that person, what’s the problem?
Is there something wrong with settling down? Why do you think some people look down upon it? Do you, personally, look down upon it, or is settling down something that you’re looking forward to doing one day? If you’re already settled down, do you enjoy it? Do you think you’re missing out on anything?
Comments (14)
I find this funny, because to the majority of people I know (I'm almost 25 now) it's more looked down upon to not be settled. It seems everyone thinks you should be starting to settle down by now.No thanks, not yet
lol I don't look down on it, but it's not what I'm after at the moment. One day I'm sure!
i get a lot of shit from my friends, because i'm 24 and i've already "settled down". I have his family to spend time with, a full time job and hour away, not the best paying job, laundry to do, bills to pay - i don't want to hit the bars and get shitfaced anymore. i think it's really selfish of those few people because they're expecting me to live the single, unsettled life with them, but i don't want to do all those things, out of respect for my boyfriend and because i've gotten all of that out of my system in college. i think one day they'll come around and see what i mean when they get there also. it doesn't mean i don't want to hang out with them or anything, it just means i'm more into museums and concerts and being home by midnight instead of clubs and house parties until 4 in the morning.
i look down upon it pretty strongly, but for those who do it too early. this is why i mostly befriend singles who like being single. god, i love my life.
Honestly, I like being settled down way better than being single. Especially with someone who has the same interests and passions as myself. It's like having a built in best friend 24/7.
I settled down pretty young... Started dating a single dad when I was 20. I stopped partying and staying out until all hours because I wanted to be at home with my boyfriend and his daughter. I lost a lot of friends because of this - they didn't understand what was so appealing about my home life. But I'm really happy with what I chose. Every now and then I go out and have a few drinks with my friend, sometimes with, sometimes without my fiancé. But my life is so much more full now that I have a step daughter to come home too, even if all my other 20 something year old friends don't quite understand it. I'm constantly told I'm "too young" to get married and settle down, but I really wouldn't change my life for anything, and I'm looking forward to getting married in May and having my own kids soon after!
Before I settled down, I was looking forward to it. I still am to a degree. I may be married, but we have no kids in the future for us yet, as we have no house yet to call our own. Hoping it will be finished being built early next year! YAY! And then will begin our settling down process. I feel like most people fear it because it seems to be a giving up stance. That you've found the best you can find. So, my suggestion is to look around until you can find the best you can find, and THEN settle down. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I still look forward to certain aspects of "settling down" (mainly having a home to call our own, and then to start a family in about another 2 years, God willing). 
So, yeah. It all just depends on you as a person.
You were listening to Fidelity, weren't you?
No there is nothing wrong with settling...it kinds of ridiculous to be out there "looking for love" if you can find it right next door...if you understand what I am saying. Most of us think to highly of ourselves and spend most of our missing the love we are looking for as a result....most of have it right there in front of us and we miss it because we don't reach out and grab when its there.News flash most of us are not going to marry a supermodel or a rich athlete or a rock star or some other wealthy person so say relax and enjoy the ride as much as you can and grab love whwerever you can because it is a rare commodity that we usually only get from our parents abnd family and a lot of us don't even get that...have a nice night.
@sunshinedust_xox@xanga - I got a friend who met his future wife in 6th grade and almost 60 years later they are still going strong so that age thing is a lot of non sense ...love knows no age it happens when it happemns and that is it.
@accumulations@xanga - partying all the time gets old and boring very fast.
I have been single all of my life now at 53...I will probably never get married or have a biological family and I deeply regret but also have 5 severe mental illnesses that aere hereditary so in away its a good thing because I did not pass my suffering onto antbody else but being single sucks in my opinion.
@TheBeastWithThe4DirtyPaws@xanga - That was one of many, yes!
@samanthamolton - That song ALWAYS puts me on this train of thought! =P
I think a lot of the time the "unsettled" lifestyle brings so much unnecessary drama and problems that when you find someone you don't mind staying home with, and you stop feeling lonely or restless... settling down just happens. If you dread it, it's probably because you didn't understand or were hurt by people who settled down before you and convinced yourself that they were boring or missing out on great things. Or maybe other people convinced you. Either way... if it makes you happy and you aren't hurting anyone... no one should have an opinion on how you live your life and you shouldn't have to explain yourself or doubt it.
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