August 15, 2013
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Co-Ed Sleepovers at Your Parents House: Yea or Nay?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over four years now. He's come to my hometown to visit a few times and even slept over at my house. My mom is very strict, she has been since I was a little girl. She has never once let us sleep in the same room, let alone the same bed. To this day, if my boyfriend sleeps over, he has to sleep on the couch in the living room, or in the guest room.I never quite understood why. My boyfriend and I have lived in an apartment together, so she knows we've slept in the same bed before. At his parents' house, we sleep in the same bed. But, for some reason, she won't allow us to. Maybe she's just old fashioned, I'm not sure, but until we're married, I won't be able to share a bed with my boyfriend under my mother's roof.
I was just reading an article in The New York Times about co-ed sleepovers becoming the norm. What do you all think? What were your parents like when you first started dating? Did they allow you to have co-ed sleepovers, or was that a big no-no? In your current relationships, are you allowed to sleep in the same bed as your SO?
Comments (18)
My parents never gave a shit what I did or where I went. I've also always had 90-100% guy friends. I've been sleeping over at boy's houses since I was 7. The only reason boyfriends rarely slept over at my house in high school is because THEIR parents wouldn't allow it. But I was always allowed to sleep wherever and bring whoever home. Hell I've brought random guys home that I'd just met and my parents had no clue who they were. When I was 16, they let a boy from another country spend 9 days at our house.
Just because you slept in the same bed before that doesn't necessarily mean your parents approve of him or the nature of your relationship. If being married is the condition that determines your mom's approval, then she's totally justified in keeping you two apart (if only symbolically in her presence).It's ironic you see that as her being "strict" when really that shows she totally trusts you and your choice in a man, but she doesn't want you to be used, heartbroken, or a single mother.
I think it is fine as long as they sleep in separate locations. I am not one to trust the raging hormones of teenagers, lol.
Totally off topic, but don't you hate it when you want to search for a particular article on Datingish, but you can't because some big-ass advertisement (e.g. The Gap) is obnoxiously covering the search field? "Don't be searching Datingish for articles; come to our site and buy our shit instead!"
I've been with my boyfriend for three years and my Mom is still so against sleep overs at her house and I'm 23 years old for god sakes. And we live together. Obviously she knows we have sex, but at least I have the common courtesy to not do it in her house especially if we were visiting, but I've been sleeping at his parents since we first started dating.
It may not be rational but for some parents, you will always be their little baby until you get married and have kids of your own.
I'm kinda in a similar situation where I would need to rent a hotel room, and maybe can get to sleep over my gf's house on their couch. It is what it is.
So... no hating on parents who abide by this rule. if your child came home with a boy, would you want them having sex while you're trying to sleep? From another perspective... how often do you imagine your parents having sex while you're there. not a lot huh? and it's really gross when you think about it. Well, guess what, they're old. You're young and have a much more evident sex drive. Yeah, I'd think it's weird too. Another way to look at it is this, you invite your friend to come over and stay in your room. would you be upset if they had sex on your couch? Hmm... some people more than others I guess. On a side note, i watch TV on my couch.I think that having parents who know and allow you to share a bed and sex up with your SO outside of your house is a separate issue of letting them sleep over and sex up in their house. It's not about age, or virginity, or experience-- it's about respect.
she probably doesn't want you guys to fuck in the house while she's there.
If my sisters or I had any of our boyfriends over, we were never allow to sleep in the same room. They were always sleeping in the LR in the couches or in my brothers' room. But of course, we weren't living together either, so it didn't really mattered. And you got that right! Can't share the same bed with them until you're married to them in my parents' house!
My boyfriend and I have been together for 14 months, when we go home (4 1/2 + hours away) we can't sleep in the same bedroom even though we live together. I wouldn't have sex there anyways since I feel like it's just disrespectful and kind of grosses me out. lol The last time we went home, we got a hotel room because my boyfriend was just weirded out by staying with virtual strangers apart from me. It is her belief that we shout live together outside of marriage, I respect that. We don't have money money for a hotel this time so the sleeping arrangements should be interesting. lol
Religion and morals played a role in how my mother viewed it (same exact way as described in your article) but my dad's an atheist, so he didn't give a fuck what I did with anyone I brought over.
I was 21 when I got together with my first boyfriend, and my parents and I were living on separate continents at the time, so the sleeping over thing wasn't an issue. (or wouldn't have become one if we'd stayed together long enough to make it to that point) My parents are firmly in the no sex before marriage camp, and our of respect for them, I wouldn't sleep in the same bed as a guy under their roof because I know it would make them uncomfortable. But they realize that what I do in my home is my own business.
@AsylumBlue - I'm an atheist but I'll still care a lot what my daughter does.My now-husband was allowed to stay the night once because he got locked out of his parents' house and couldn't manage to wake anyone up. Dad let him sleep in my room and I slept in the living room. He made a comment, something like, "This is where the trust thing come in to play." My boyfriend's mom threw a major fit the next day and told him he should have stayed outside until someone woke up. He was 18 and I was 16 or 17 at the time. After we graduated, he was working nights and sleeping at my parents' house during the day because my bedroom was much quieter than his, so he could sleep better. That kind of opened up the door for him being able to stay the night. He eventually moved in with us.As for my daughter, I don't know that my husband and I have discussed it. Ideally, if we don't screw up raising her, she'll be trustworthy and have her head on straight so it won't be a problem.
I am 24 and my boyfriend is 28. Whenever I stay at his house (pretty frequently), I sleep in his room, in his bed. Despite us dating for almost a year and a half, he has yet to spend teh night at my house, but I have discussed it with my parents (who are divorced). My mom says she doesn't care and at our age, she trusts me and is okay with it (though college age or earlier, she wouldn't have been this way). My dad, on the other hand, is absolutely against it. I've had many guy friends stay over before, but even my long-term boyfriend, like the others, would need to sleep in a different bedroom. I think it stems back to the above comments. I'm his only daughter, and his youngest, so perhaps he still sees me as his baby. Perhaps its simply discomfort with the thought of what might go on (even thought my brother and his fiancée shared a bed at his house before they were engaged). Not sure, but I totally understand, his house, his rules, and I'm okay with that.
It's not even about being strict, it's about respecting your mother's rules for her own home. She has no control what you do outside her house with your boyfriend in your own apartment, but that doesn't mean you get to bring your lifestyle into her home. I'm assuming you don't even stay at her home that much considering you two have an apartment so I don't get why its even worth mentioning.
I'm engaged and we have to sleep in a different room at both our parents' house. They know we go on vacations together and that I stay at his apartment when I visit, so it's obvious we sleep in the same bed plenty. It's just respect for their beliefs in their home.
My parent/s let me sleep in a bed in their house with my partner of almost 10 years. But I'd understand if they were religious or something and didn't feel comfortable. I was never allowed when I was growing up, which is totally understandable.
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