August 16, 2013

  • Missing in Action


    So I was dating a guy in March-May. It was casual but there was something there. Slowly, it was as if the conversations were dying and I was the one initiating conversations. I figured maybe he was losing interest and I backed off. He never tried contacting me and I let it die off. I even deleted his number off my phone. Today I got a text message to see how I've been and stating how I was on his mind. I replied back with the usual "hey I'm doing well, how about you?" and he replied with a response and once again he stated how I was on his mind.

    I could not help but think, "where the heck was his mind for the past few months?" I feel that if someone really was interested in you, they would show interest and would try talk to you to get to know you better. They would not go missing in action for a couple of months and then when for whatever reason they get bored, decide to message you up.

    I also can't help but speculate that the only reason he's messaging me again is because his options may have run out. I've lost interest at this point.

    Has this ever happened to you? Why do people do this?

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Comments (13)

  • Requiring that guys conspicuously pay attention to you is counterproductive. How is a man supposed to have the energy to climb mountains and cross rivers for you when you have him constantly jumping through hoops to prove that he can? Let guys show interest in their own way. Appreciate a man for who he is... not for how much he appreciates you.When you appreciate a man for how much he appreciates you, all you have to do is screw up once (being mean, snippy, or ignoring him) and he'll feel unappreciated. Once he feels unappreciated and isn't showing as much interest, you'll continue to appreciate him less and less when it was your mistake in the first place.

  • @T3hZ10n@xanga - Takes two.

  • @MommyMarty24@xanga - No, no... that's why I believe a breakup isn't official unless both parties consent. If that's how people chose to do it I would totally agree with you.The way everyone does it now:It takes two to make a relationship work. It only takes one to fuck it up and end it.If a relationship is really that unbearable, the person who calls it quits should have no problem taking full responsibility for it not working out.That's how I would do it.If I truly couldn't stand to be around the person I'm in a relationship with any longer, I'd say "Fuck it. It was all my fault. I'm the asshole. I did everything wrong and you did everything right. Can I go now?". If you cannot accept fault and will obstinately argue that it was the other person who screwed everything up it's obvious you're avoiding some kind of guilt and had more to do with it not working out than you realize.For a person to end a relationship without their partner agreeing and argue that their decision was their partner's doing is unbelievably petty.A girl arguing that a guy isn't paying enough attention to her is an excuse for breaking things off in the same way a guy arguing that a girl isn't putting out enough is an excuse for sleeping with someone else. It's all cheating in my eyes.

  • I get what you're saying bat that isn't always the case.They aren't married so I think it's okay to expect a little out of your partner.  Love should be unconditional and the main driving point for a Marriage in my opinion but not necessarily the only thing.I think maybe if this girl is just calling it quits after one attempt to work it out then yeah it's on her.  But if the Guy is aware of it and continues to neglect her and just will not compromise his comfort levels as well as her being understanding that it may not be to her exact wants but he's working on it then hey... It isn't all on her.

  • @T3hZ10n@xanga - but!!! If she didn't say a thing and is just giving up then yeah I see your point.

  • @MommyMarty24@xanga - "Love should be unconditional and the main driving point for a Marriage in my opinion but not necessarily the only thing."When love is the only thing that is necessary, there are times it will necessarily be the only thing.If love isn't enough when it comes to love, nothing is.On your second comment, I don't see what saying anything changes. As I've pointed out before, telling a guy you're going to punch him in the face before you do it doesn't change how badly it hurts. The outcome is still the same. Fuck formalities and look at the bigger picture. If it helps that you said something, great. If it doesn't, it's 100% your own fault for relying on it... which is why I'm always rattling on about not drawing comparisons between previous and current relationships. So all your ex-boyfriends felt better when you told them you were breaking up than they would have if you simply fucked another guy without saying anything. Good for them. I'm not your previous ex-boyfriends.

  • I've had that happen before.  A few months ago it did when I met someone new.  If they didn't bother to contact me I also just let it go.  At first he initiated, then I did, it was equal at one point, and then he drifted off...If they think they can show up whenever they please, I'll let them know where the door is.  I don't have time for mind games like that.  That's right, if they are interested they would in fact initiate the conversations more, but if you find yourself being the one to initiate most conversations that should tell you he's not all that interested.

  • @xinq@xanga - "If they think they can show up whenever they please, I'll let them know where the door is."The guy must show up when he doesn't please?So it's not about him not being interested enough, it's about you wanting more from him. Gee... you'd think if you wanted more from him you would express that instead of further pushing him away.

  • First of all, we were casually dating ( no where close to love). There was interest amongst each other initially but eventually it go to the point that I was initiating conversations and plans. He'd suggest plans in which I agree and he said "okay Ill get back to you with a day that's good for me" but he never did.After a certain point I kind of got the idea he was not interested which was fine because we were dating casually. I had let go communication and never had I heard from him.My whole POINT of this post was why would he message me after two months of not talking to see how I am doing.  Does it make sense to people to message someone up after two months out of the blue? Had it been me and I was not interested or had a lot of shit on my plate I would have been honest with the person instead of just doing a disappearance act.If you are giving a person a good amount of attention, I think it's only natural to expect the reciprocation. And If they don't, I simply think it's best not to waste your time. 

  •  "If love isn't enough when it comes to love, nothing is."  I didn't say that... I said Marriage. But the post  isn't talking about marriage or even love necessarily.  It's only talking about an interest in.  Relationship and love are not the same thing. Love is part of a relationship.

  • @scribbles - "After a certain point I kind of got the idea he was not interested which was fine because we were dating casually."If it's fine because you're dating casually, when is it not fine? You're giving the exception so I must assume there is a rule. Are you saying when you are dating seriously then the other person "owes" you their interest? Also, isn't it for him to say whether or not he's interested? What makes you think that's your job?It's funny how women never ask directly. It's always inferred from little 'signs' that he's not interested. Why? Because if you're not getting enough attention and he says he's interested, you go fucking insane because your ego and vanity can't handle being interested in someone who doesn't seem like they're interested in you.

  • so... I'mma play devil's advocate-- but maybe he had other things to worry out besides girls. on occasion, I will think back on a friend I haven't spoken to in a while and really miss them, I would assume that this runs the same with potential partners. If you were interested but not ready then all of a sudden you got fired from work, lost your house or suddenly found out you were suppose to run the class project, girls would be the last thing on your mind. When things settled down, is there a problem with thinking back and wondering how someone was and how good you had it with them and how it was possible that something else can still come out of it?Of course, the bottom line here is that you've lost interest in him. That in and of itself should be the end of the conversation. you should just be like, "well, I thought about you before but I've totally forgotten about you now.' -- cool, no interest in your part. But to say that you think he's only coming to you because he is desperate is kind of... well... presumptuousThough. if you really don't want to be a re-bound and you're sure that's what this is, just say "nope". and that's it. 

  • If a person suddenly decides to neglect you for a month, he is obviously disinterested.Only reason why he might come back, is as the article stated...he ran out of options. Maybe he broke it off with a girl he's dating, he's bored, etc.No one with the intention of solely being with another person will disappear without a trace. That's irresponsible and says loads about how much he cares about her.And yeah, there are exceptions - but the only one I can think of, short of family emergency, is maybe he wasn't sure what he wanted with her and he decided a little break with help clear the fog.But there's something called communication. He didn't have to leave the party there hanging while he sought out a solution. He can tell her too.So yeah...a guy like that? Keep him as a friend, if you want to (if it's even worthwhile...a friend who won't even tell you what's up...doesn't seem like a good friend to me.)

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