August 16, 2013
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Why Are You Mad?
I'm at a complete loss for words. A month ago, my ex-boyfriend turned friends with benefit turned booty-call decided not to celebrate my birthday with me because we got into an argument. That day, I decided that it was quite clear I wasn't someone important to him. He tried to apologize but by the time he came around, I was over it, friendship, booty-call, and what-not.We showed up at a mutual friend's party a few weeks after my birthday and I was polite, listened to his ramblings. He suggested that we go home together but I declined. The next day, I went out with girlfriends and text him telling him I wanted to sleepover. Thankfully my girlfriends were such good friends they dragged my ass home that night! But I'm weak when it comes to him, I eventually gave in. Of course, there was instant regret.
It's been a year and a half since we've broken up and I can still remember how painful last summer was—how hurt I felt when he decided not to show up for my birthday. It's been two weeks since we hooked-up. For the last three days, he's been texting, and suggesting we get together when he returns from his trip. I am guilty of playing along, flirting and responding to his advances. Then he called me and told me how excited he was about coming back home because he couldn't wait to hook-up again. I laughed him off and informed him we would not be hooking up. He asked why and simply said, "Because." He wanted a real reason so I said I didn't want to sleep with him. Then he got mad.
Okay. Huh?
I'm confused as to why he's mad; it's not like we're dating and I am denying him sex. So why is he mad?
Comments (9)
In order of appearance:"I am guilty of playing along, flirting and responding to his advances.""I laughed him off and informed him we would not be hooking up.""I'm confused as to why he's mad..."Really?On a separate note..."...it's not like we're dating and I am denying him sex."It's funny how girls say they're not dating a guy so it's not like they're obligated to have sex with him... and yet when the time comes and you are dating, you still say it's not like you owe the guy anything or you're obligated to have sex with him... which makes me wonder why the fuck you feel the need to bring up the fact that you're not dating, as if you would owe him sex if you were dating.Then it'll be "We were just dating. It's not like we were married. I don't owe him any loyalty.".Even the perfect man for you is going to be fallible when it comes to making you happy all of the time. I personally think it sucks that there will be more in his life than you (because I wish I could make the girl I love my everything), but work could be stressing him out or other things. You are also fallible when it comes to making him happy all the time, so if he's mad at you, try to explain this to him and he'll get over it eventually.
you should articulate your reasons to him, idk, maybe he thought he was bad in bed or something. I think it's not wise to continue seeing/flirting with him since you regretted having sex with him. mix signals annoy girls and boys alike
Wouldn't you be mad if you were expecting something really good (sex in this case) and were soundly rejected that thing. What if you were depending on that thing too; Like you're having a really bad week and it's the only thing that you think will make it all better.Giving him a real reason or at least a logical one will soften the blow considerably, especially if the reason makes it his fault, not yours. Subtlety is important if you want to shift the blame though."I know we've been fwb's for like forever, but I hate myself every time I sleep with you because you were such a jerk to me two years ago when I thought we were bf/gf. That painful sense of abandonment and disappointment comes back to me every time we have sex."
You do not owe him anything. He used you and is emotionally manipulating you. Delete his number & move on. It'll be hard at first, but then it will get better and you will eventually find the person you deserve -- someone who loves and respects you. He doesn't respect you.
You two got into an argument and you expected him to show up for your birthday.What if you two got into an argument and he still expected sex?Isn't it wonderful how either way he's the asshole?Can't imagine why he'd be mad...
@WalkAway - Oh, there's no question she'll find the person she deserves, then she'll act like it, and once again it will be over.As for him emotionally manipulating her, I'm pretty sure he was straightforward about wanting to hook up. She explicitly said she was guilty for playing along, flirting, and responding to his advances only to flat-out deny him what she knew he wanted.If you "deserve" something from someone they "owe" it to you.If she doesn't owe him respect, he doesn't owe her any either. Not sure why she would lead him on only to let him down and is being so dismissive unless she feels like he owes her something that he didn't give her.
I've been in a place like this. though I never had the willpower to say no if he asked me for it (until I started dating someone else for that matter). though, I find that if you were being flirty and you had in the past allowed him to sleep with you regardless of your dating status, it paints an expectation for him. And if you act as if you will hook up with him later then deny him his booty call at the last minute, I would be mad too.But that being said, you are not dating him-- why do you care if he's mad at you or not? You are right, you should not be sleeping with him, and you are well within your rights to tell him no-- thus, it's his problem that he is upset.
I saw the problem without even finishing the second sentence in your post: "A month ago, my ex-boyfriend turned friends with benefit turned booty-call................"On what planet does this kind of arrangement go smoothly??? I almost choked laughing at the REST of that sentence...."decided not to celebrate my birthday with me because we got into an argument."You still except him to make you a priority... not to mention you still FIGHT with your ex who you also have SEX with... this is just deranged all over the map. I'm not going to say I haven't been guilty of the same behavior, but I didn't need to post about it online to find out what I was doing wrong. Stop having sex with your ex. Stop texting him. But you already know this.
This is a disaster.What are you doing? Stop it.
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