August 18, 2013
-
Dating on the Job?
The other day, I was talking to my friend at work. I was in a new position, so she was filling me in on the office gossip. She mentioned that there were not one but two office couples. I was surprised because I was always told that you shouldn't date at work. However, I was even more surprised when she told me who the couples were. They barely even looked at each other let alone spoke (as far as I could tell).
Later in the week, I spoke to one of the girls who was in one of the office couples. She laughed when I noted that she and her boyfriend barely interacted even though they were just a couple cubicles away. "Well we are always together," she shrugged, "and we wouldn't want to be inappropriate."
If dating within the office is now acceptable, what behavior isn't ok at work? Or is dating at work still inappropriate? Have you ever had an office romance?
Comments (23)
Life is work. Whether it's walking, breathing... Hell, even sleeping, you are using energy in order to accomplish a task. If money is what makes the difference, with a bank account you're making interest all the time. Do you put your life on hold whenever you're making money? Just because you compartmentalize things and mentally separate them like your "job life" from your "personal life" there still isn't a real, tangible difference other than what you or others try to make of it in your (respective) mind. Every object with mass in the universe has a gravitational pull on every other object with mass in the universe. Reality is a seamless continuum; nothing is truly separate. Besides, it's not "dating" on the job. All that comes to mind when people say that is a man and a woman sitting across from each other at a elegant table with roses and candles in the middle of an office, staring dreamily into each other's eyes while someone is using a copier in the background.Especially if you're getting paid hourly. Like fuck... if it's about distractions, you can dock my pay for the 20 seconds I spend kissing my girlfriend and I'll stay late... a whole 20 seconds late.I think it has nothing to do with distractions and everything to do with underlying jealousy. It's like, "I'm miserable at work, they should be too.".
I am currently incredibly infatuated with my supervisor. He isn't the typical guy that I'm attracted to either. He's a super nerd and he's 4 years younger than me he's not in his 50s or anything. I don't know what it is but he turns me into jelly maybe because he's innocent looking and acts innocent. It got to be to the point where I couldn't contain myself around him. He already knew anyway for obvious reasons because I never bothered trying to hide my crush, couldn't even if I tried to hide it, but if I confessed everything hopefully that would let me focus more whenever he's around. I said to him that's why I told him.I don't have sexual thoughts about him, but I just feel like he'd be the type of potential boyfriend to actually appreciate me since he knows I'm a damn good worker. Me having a crush on him only improves my work performances and people can clearly say it's not just because he likes me that he says good things about me but because I actually do good work. I'm sure there's a rule about a supervisor dating someone he supervises but all of the supervisors there know we're good kids and we don't make drama of it. We're not the ghetto kinds of people who date three different employees on different shifts which actually happened there and they got caught and fired, lmfao. I think they'd make an exception for me and him if it came to that point. Even the other supervisors are already joking about me and him being together anyway as it is.
I guess the idea behind avoiding the same workplace as your significant other is that you would then be spending too much time together and not enough time apart to allow yourself to miss them or look forward to their company. Personally, I would avoid this sort of situation because I enjoy my alone time. Whether or not it'll work for a particular couple, I don't know. I know of one couple that has made it work, but I'm not sure if they work in close proximity. Despite the anecdotal evidence, I would still caution people against being in a work environment with a significant other since work can get stressful, and that stress may cross over into the relationship since you're both in that environment.
IMO, the dating part of working together is not that bad. The breaking up part of working together is bad.
@DenimPants@xanga - Yeah, but what can a person really do about that?One cannot say it's wrong to allow one's professional life and personal life affect one another because if you avoid workplace dating just because breaking up might affect work, you are allowing work life to not only affect but ultimately dictate your personal life. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. It sucks, but trying to prevent it takes away from one's personal life. You can't place priority on one without limiting the other (which ultimately limits the first even further). It's better to see that there is no true separation and find ways to improve both simultaneously. Maybe make it a priority to work through relationship issues instead of using breaking up as a primary method of damage control. That way acting petty and bitter isn't something a person needs to worry about affecting their professional life. After all, breaking up is just another way of compartmentalizing; another way of mentally separating things that aren't truly separate in reality.
The golden rule is one shouldn't crap where they eat - meaning be very careful when considering dating a co worker. There are many areas you can explore to find a date, but finding a good work environment that pays well is much more limited. You can live without dating, but you need a job and income to live. It's not as risky if the company is large enough that the other person doesn't work in your group.First, management dating their worker bees is a no no because it sets the company up for discrimination suits from both other co workers and the one that is dating management. Most companies frown on it, if not prohibit it.Maturity of both people is key to navigating a co worker relationship because if things don't work out, they still have to engage and work with each other on a regular basis. Obviously it's not recommended for folks who like to end relationships in flames.
Some of this varies depending on the type of job it is and whether or not there are company policies on relationships with coworkers. Generally people say it's a bad idea but I know of times it worked out great and times it failed...just like couples who met any other way. And whether or not the couple handles the break up well, depends on the personalities and maturity of the two people involved, not on the fact that they work together. I've been involved with coworkers and I've had it go great, had it blow up in my face, had break ups that went off without a hitch and others that were messy...just like I did with people I dated outside of work. The real issue seems to be whether or not a person gets involved with someone they supervise or who supervises them. I did that once, much hilarity ensued. We are still friends.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - I'm not condemning all office romances because of the possibilities of breaking up. I meant to say that IF the breakup does happen, then that's the part that makes people obnoxious about dating in the office. And that for me, is enough to keep me out of the dating office scene.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - it isn't about docking pay for stuff like kissing while on the clock, but acting unprofessional. if I was the boss, I wouldn't let the person stay 20 seconds or however much time they spent doing personal things, I'd suspend the person as a first warning. second offense, fired. get your act straight or go home and never come back. they can date but do dating stuff after work. at work, work.
Most companies have a no dating policy, and for good reason.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Don't fart on the job. Don't drink water on the job. Don't breathe on the job. Those are personal things, do them on your personal time. The company isn't paying you to breathe. No mirrors in the bathrooms because makeup/grooming are things you do on your personal time. In-fact, no bathrooms at all because bodily functions are yours, not the companies, so leave them at home.Sorry bitch, but it's my time. That's why the company is paying me for it. I can refuse the sale at any time for any reason and it becomes my time again. If dating at the office is a concern to management then they can go ahead and hire ugly people. My attractiveness and the effects thereof are not my responsibility nor theirs. I'd file a discrimination suit because I'm so fucking hot and they just can't handle it."if I was the boss, I wouldn't let the person stay 20 seconds or however much time they spent doing personal things, I'd suspend the person as a first warning."Lol... where all have you worked? Give me a single day in any profession and I can pick out at least 2 things a boss is doing that are against the rules. Maybe that's why you have a problem with it and I don't. It's an OCD thing. I could be an amazing health inspector. Bitches wanna sling dirt, I got truckloads on-call.As Ice Cube so eloquently put it:"If you a gutter motherfucker do your dirt (do your dirt) If you a down motherfucker put in work (put in work) If you a crazy motherfucker go berserk (go berserk)"
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - As for you being the boss... lol.I'm one of those guys you'd swoon over. I'd give you a heart-melting puppydog look and get away with everything.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - I think you're joking but I'm not entirely sure. You're not actually someone's boss, are you?
@T3hZ10n@xanga - omg you're lame. no wonder she never wants you back. don't fart, drink, and breathe on the job are your examples. seriously?!? that's why the boss is called the boss, you can't do whatever you want according to my rules, but the boss can because they are working for the boss. I've seen your pic and compared to my boss crush, you're not even close to being dreamy as him. dream on!
@nonurbusinessyo@xanga - I'm not someone's boss but I know big bosses. so far, most of the people that I've disliked have either been fired or quit. you can do whatever you want if you know the boss. otherwise, if you cross the wrong bunny, your ass is on fire it isn't a threat, but direct intimidation:D maybe i'm the mafia boss' daughter beware!
@T3hZ10n@xanga - you're trying to distract the actual topic of dating/flirting at work, because flirting shamelessly while at work is disrespectful to your boss, coworkers and company. you don't see a problem with it because you have no respect for anyone, not even yourself if you don't think flirting at work is a big deal. if you like flirting so much at work and think you're so hot, be a gigolo, but no, you'd rather be a naive schoolboy obsessed with your first love forever and ever while your heart rots and dieeeees.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - I don't flirt at work, but that's just my personal preference. Never have."you don't see a problem with it because you have no respect for anyone, not even yourself if you don't think flirting at work is a big deal."Apparently I've never needed to concern myself with the morality of office romance because I don't partake such behavior anyway. Perhaps that would explain my unconcern with the (in)appropriateness and not that I'm innately inclined to break the rules as you're so quick to assume.After all, what is "respect" to a person who gives it naturally but a uselessly redundant concept?
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - If it's the mafia then I must confess ignorance in the matter of how a mob boss runs his business. As for the corporate world, the lawyers and HR are always just a stone throw away from raining down legal hell on inappropriate boss behavior. While it's always nice to know a few VPs, I can't say that it has result in me haivng the power to smite my fellow co-workers. hmmm, maybe it's due to my lack of boobs.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - if you don't flirt at work, then don't give the example of kissing for 20 seconds you're unconcerned because you're self absorbed just like these unconcerned people that do personal things, such as flirting at work, because they think the world revolves around them.
@nonurbusinessyo@xanga - I'm not anybody's daughter. I'm from a single parent family I haven't caused anybody to be fired/quit. maybe it was just my wishful thinking and their own doing that caused the outcome. I wanna get close to the boss to jump his bones, not to use him to fire the assholes. I was mocking the hotshot schoolboy above by roleplaying as a mafia bunny^^
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - That's exactly the kind of cover story a mafia boss daughter would use.
@nonurbusinessyo@xanga - the dweeb was fired because he was secretly hoarding boxes upon boxes of staples in the trunk of his car. since the staples were missing even though they kept ordering more, we had to use paper clips. paper clips just don't hold paper together as well as staples do
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Just stating my capricious thoughts as they arise. I've never worked anywhere that had a flirting problem or any public displays of affection, really. I'm not bashing the fact that protocol exists to prevent employees from engaging in disrespectful or inappropriate behavior no matter how uncommon it is (I admire good forethought). I just think it applies to so few (types of) people that they would be fired for being disruptive (i.e. yelling/fighting after a bad breakup) or for insubordination (making out when they were specifically asked to do something else), or whatever. I guess I find the fact that it's a rule of its own confusing because all the negative outcomes I can imagine that might possibly result from dating a co-worker there are already rules against.
Comments are closed.