August 19, 2013
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He Picked Her Over Me, Now I'm Out $200
This post was submitted anonymously.
Before I tell you why I am out 200 bucks because of a broken friendship, let me tell you the background story.I met this girl through my brother. They dated for six months, and the relationship didn't work, however, we kept on being friends. Hell, even became best friends! We went clubbing and hung out all the time when we weren't at work. She even called me her "little sister"... She’s an only child and I never had a sister either—only brothers.
During that time we hung out, she met my male best friend. We have been super close since the age of 13, though never anything romantic. We were a trio of fun! However... things started to become a little sour when they wouldn't invite me to their outings.
I started to feel somewhat jealous, why wasn't I included? I mean, when I did outings I would always invite them BOTH.
Then excuses started to happen around me when I did want to hang out... "Oh, I’m broke!" or "I can't, have work!" Yet, they would update their Facebooks and say, "Having a fun time with 'D' at 'blah blah'" I'm thinking to myself, "Well, I guess you are not that broke."
I addressed my issue with them about why I wasn’t being invited. As it turns out, my male bestie had a crush my best female friend and he simply wanted to be alone with her. I accepted that. I was okay with that. SHE did not KNOW. She simply thought I was too busy because he would tell her that.
To make up for making me feel bad, they wanted to go to E-Zoo which is a three day concert. I only paid for one day because I know how tired I will be if I did all three, and that’s no fun.
Here's when things turn really bad.
My bestie suddenly gets a boyfriend out of the blue. She never once talked about him. I didn’t know who he was. She told me, “Oh he’s a friend from long time ago… when I am trying to get a man I usually keep him on the low.” My best male friend was crushed! But, he would still be her friend.
My brother one day comes to me and says, “Wow I can’t believe 'D' is back with her ex who used to beat her.” I told my brother, “No, that’s her friend…” My brother laughed at me and said, “Believe what you want.”
I know this was wrong of me, but instead going to her, I went to her best friend. I asked her, “Hey is 'D' really dating her ex who used to abuse her?” This girl flipped on me so hard! “Why are you asking? It's none of your damn business!” My best friend also flipped out on me and told me she couldn't trust me anymore; that I betrayed her in such a way that she cannot ever talk to me again!
I sent a text to my male best friend about how 'D' and I aren't friends anymore. Now, for the past week, he has not contacted me, but is still hanging out with her. (Facebook tells it all.)
Why is he ignoring me? What could she have said to make him turn? I've known this boy since I was 13 and his behavior is freaking me out! Did I lose him? I tried calling and texting and I got NOTHING!
All I can think about is the E-Zoo ticket and how much I paid only to go alone....
What is your best advice? To be honest, I feel like if they don't wanna hang out with me that's fine, but they should pay for my ticket. They wanted me to go! Truly, they have no real reason to cut me off like that! Why should I lose 200 dollars because of their silliness?
I don't know what's worse: losing her over a simple question, or losing him over her when they've only known each other for three months....
Comments (17)
I wouldn't worry about it, he'll come back to you, might take a month or two.Be sure to tell him what a crappy friend he is though.
See kiddies, THIS is why you don't spend your money on other people. That's $200 she'll never get back that could have gone to something better.
out of curiosity, are you the type who likes guys to pay for the first date? cause i assure you i've been out *much* more than 200 bucks over the years. anyway, i'd invite you to do e-zoo with my friends and me, but we will be there (completely shitfaced) all 3 days and have a pretty low tolerance for fatigue, so you probably wouldn't fit in too well. you *do* realize there's a secondary market for tickets, right?
You could sell the ticket or you could go alone and have fun in spite of those "friends", and definitely dump those friends. None of them are worth your time. The moment they started disrespecting you by ignoring you and lying to you - that's enough right there to end the "friendships". The guy you've known since you were 13? He's no friend either. He ignored you and lied to you because of a secret crush - not even a girlfriend or a serious relationship (which less time spent together would be understandable, but not ignoring and lying to you) - just a crush! I'm stating this from life experience, if you keep giving them chances they will keep disrespecting you and hurting you.
It IS the pits, but they dont owe you $200, you decided to go. Hope she leaves the one who abuses her and your male friend doesn't get physically hurt as he tries to save his crush from her abusive boyfriend. Red flags all over the place in this situation!!!
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - Well, alternatively it's 200 on a ticket she will be using and possibly could find some other concert go-getter to hook up with.
On a side note... he hasn't spoken to you for a week? oh worlds end that a week be so unbearable. She'd no reason to blow up on you, or her friend had no reason to blow up on you. then again, it wasn't really your business and probably shouldn't have prodded.
how old are you people? they don't owe you anything, sell your ticket back on ebay (duh), and get some new friends.
My advice. Very simple, but it must be followed. Wait. Be still. Say nothing. Just wait. Your friend sounds very deceptive and self centered. I don't know all the facts here, but there's a rift and she's sunken her claws into the arm of your male friend, knowingly, and from the sound of it, is keeping it this way because it benefits her. Your male friends behavior is deplorable, this is the treason of friendships. Hope blooms in the spark of guilt he has. He KNOWS he is wrong. Watch, wait, keep your distance. Busy yourself. If he wants to hang out don't respond. Here is the why to such an abrupt withdrawl. You've put up with this terrible behavior, he clearly knows it's wrong, feels guilty, but not enough to treat you as you deserve to be treated. Your female friend will leave the picture. If you wait, and keep your distance, I assure you that out of the blue, he will reach for you an apologize. This has happened to me over and over and over. I am currently in a similar situation, and my guy friend is pining for me. He will reach to you subtly, then get mad and send angry texts or e-mails when you don't reply, put the blame on you, fall silent for a while, then eat a room full of humble pie and apologize. I know it will be hard, don't give in. You can't always fix things with words. Silence is most effective in allowing someone else to know how valuable you are. They are consumed by you. You become the object right in front of them that they cannot touch. It's the most effective punishment ever.
Don't take either of those two morons back, especially the guy. I know what it's like to be ditched when you introduce two separate groups of friends. That's been my whole life story until I changed my friends. My new roommates introduced me to their group of friends when I moved in with them. We've never once ditched anyone and always included everyone, unlike my shitty former friends who constantly made plans without me made up excuses saying I supposedly "talk about the same things" and they're sick of it...oh yeah, and I'd like to know what they talk about that's different themselves?All they talk about is Twilight shit, please, as if that's a better topic than what I had talked about with them.
I'm nearly 50 and went through a spookily familiar scenario in the past year. Close friend of 12 yrs introduces me to guy she has a crush on. He gets a crush on me. I already have a boyfriend. (So does friend of 12 yrs). The guy's heart is broken cause I have a boyfriend, my friend of 12 yrs blames me for breaking her crush's heart and won't talk to me. Meanwhile, she marries HER boyfriend and has her crush "give her away" at the wedding. OK then...people get loopy when they have "feelings" for another.The way I see it, you either decide that the friendships are worth keeping, forgive them for being human and keep the porch light on, or you decide their not worth the effort and move on. Because the reality is, this is pretty standard human behavior. Their behavior may not be kind or wise, but it's normal and common. In my situation I think it's better if we all move on, but forgiving is a good idea because holding onto resentments just wastes energy.
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It was your decision to go, they don't have to pay for your ticket. You're not a child, go sell it on ebay or something.
i can't explain why, but i have this sudden, uncontrollable urge to convert to islam.
To be honest... if I had someone who was confronting me over Facebook posts about not being invited to things I'd feel harassed and annoyed. I'd probably block that person from seeing my posts.If that same person started asking around about whether or not people know it's true my boyfriend beats the shit out of me... I'd feel harassed, humiliated and pissed off... ESPECIALLY if it wasn't true. Can you imagine? If your brother was wrong? Now she's got to deal with rumors about her boyfriend being abusive and people thinking she's an idiot with no self respect. I'd quit talking to you, too.I don't really think there's a nice way to say this, but people don't owe you an explanation for everything they do. Sometimes, people turn down invitations to things they can't afford... sometimes their other friends invite them to free things or offer to pay. This literally used to happen to my college roommate all the time.It doesn't mean your friend should have to call you up and say "Oh sorry, I know I told you I didn't want to get ice cream because I'm broke, but Sarah's offered to take me to dinner and pay." or "Oh, hey, got off work early and xxx is picking me up... just wanted to tell you so you don't think I'm picking her over you!" to avoid getting confronted about why they're blowing you off. It's like having an extra parent.If you hear an unpleasant rumor about your friend... you should ask your friend instead of helping to spread it around trying to pry for more info without even knowing it's true. ...because you'd probably want the same respect for your privacy if you were her, too.If you don't want to go to the show, just sell your ticket.
shit friends, bin them.
Are you in high school?This sounds a lot like high school behavior to me...
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