August 20, 2013

  • When Seeing Your Ex Is Inevitable


    With the fall semester less than a week away, I’m looking forward to seeing friends, and I’m wondering if I will cross paths with any exes. (I don’t think any of them go to my university, but I don’t know for sure.) In high school, I didn’t need to wonder. I knew I would be walking by, sitting next to, or working with guys that I had dated, and I was never quite sure how to best handle these inevitable ex encounters.

    My usual course of action was to keep to myself, which I figured would make things as least awkward as possible. If I saw an ex coming down a hallway, I might distract myself by talking to a friend or fiddling with my books. I wouldn’t dive into the nearest garbage can to avoid seeing them, but I also wouldn’t go out of my way to strike up a conversation. If they approached me, I wouldn’t shy away; I just wouldn’t be the one to initiate anything. 

    I really believe that how you respond to seeing an ex depends on how the breakup went, and why it happened. Because ending a relationship on a good (or at least civil) note was always important to me, none of my breakups were particularly ugly. I know, I’m lucky. I also think my breakups went so well because I never got too attached or fell in love with any of the guys I dated (and I’m pretty sure that has something big to do with the fact that they were guys). 

    Though school/college is one place to have to see an ex, it is far from being the only place. Your ex could be a coworker, neighbor, or family friend, which would put you in a similar situation. 

    Have you ever been in a situation where seeing your ex was inevitable? What did you do? What is/are the best way(s) to handle ex encounters?  

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Comments (7)

  • I see a now I guess, "ex" crush every Monday - Friday from 3pm to 11pm.  It's really awkward in there but he doesn't give a shit as long as I still meet my quotas they don't care what all happened.  Nothing happened, but flirting did take place, and it did get out of hand.  Actually how it all went down is quite amusing.  At first I wasn't surprised, but I just wanted someone to prove me wrong thinking they would do something about liking me instead of being a coward and not taking risks.  Everyone sees that he likes me, too, just the situation is a sticky one.  He already has a girlfriend from before I showed up just a mere two weeks ago and I wasn't even supposed to be working where I am right now because everyone in there keeps saying I'm too good for this job and they're right, but I like working with my friends that's why I took it because it's a laid back environment.At first it hurt me the way he was misleading me, but then I really wasn't surprised that he wasn't going to break it up with his current girlfriend for me.  He just made a speech to everyone today about being "in love" with her and they're now engaged.  Hahahaha my friends and I laughed silently when we all saw his ass flirting with me just the other day.  Even the other supervisors have seen him talk to me a certain way.  He's only fooling himself.  If he really loved her he wouldn't have been flirting and flirting back with me at all and mentioned since the beginning that we met that he had a girlfriend, not two weeks in to when this started happening.  Whatever, though.  I AM too good for him and I would be settling if I were to be with him.  I just keep doing my job, meeting my quotas because I was originally in there to do work in the first place.  I didn't expect this bullshit to take place when I signed up for the job.

  • @xinq@xanga - that sucks. =( Though I think that seeing an ex-crush is a different kind of awkward than seeing an ex-love. I wonder which is more difficult. =(

  • @DenimPants@xanga - Thanks :( .  I don't know what is more difficult either.  I think I could have moved on more peacefully if he had actually given me a chance and it never working out instead of misleading me this entire time and it never turning into anything playing mind games.  I feel like mind games hurt more than an actual relationship ending because at least the person had a chance to realize they weren't compatible instead of always wondering, "what if."  I know they won't fire me over this because if they do I'll get his ass fired over it, too and I have the whole place vouching for me that he was flirting with me for the past week and a half even if we did only talk about work and nothing personal for the most part.  I also meet my quotas and I don't let this affect my work performance and I think they get some sort of compensation if people meet quotas every night I'm in the top five.I gave him a note explaining what I've been through saying I never get who I want for all the right reasons and that I was very lonely in settling for less and hoped that one of these days pretty much someone I actually want would want me back, but I wouldn't expect it to start with him.  I know he liked me, too.  The other day I felt like he was starting to like me a lot more and I wasn't surprised the next day he made an announcement about just getting engaged so I guess he doesn't have to think twice about me.  He dropped the bomb on everyone yesterday to pretty much stop joking about me and him together, subtly by mentioning he does have a girlfriend.  He had multiple opportunities to tell people to stop joking about it and I thought it was very unprofessional of him to announce that his girlfriend he's in love with got him the t-shirt he was wearing yesterday when just not even 24 hours ago everyone saw him flirting with me.

  • I got involved in a casual thing with a coworker that lasted about 5 months and ended horribly.  He went from talking to me several times daily to cutting me off cold turkey and acting as if I never existed.  No explanation...nothing.  It was very difficult for me but I got through it and now he tries to talk to me and act like he never did anything wrong.  I used to think very highly of him, and made the mistake of developing feelings for him, but clearly he thought of no one but himself.  Even though he'd told me that he wasn't ready/didn't have time for a relationship and didn't want to date anyone exclusively, I found out he cut me off to get back with his ex and now they live together.  I understand he doesn't owe me anything, but I just thought some common courtesy was in order since we have to see each other everyday.   Hard lesson to learn but I got it.

  • To my knowledge, none of my ex-boyfriends are even on the same continent as me, so I won't be running into them anytime soon. Sometimes I feel a bit awkward seeing ex-crushes, since I'm always wondering if they think I still like them or something. There's one in particular who makes me a bit nervous. I was head over heels for him for 2 years and he never felt that way about me. He's dating someone else now (and she's lovely!) and I'm not, so I always wonder if he thinks that since he didn't like me back, maybe no one could (even though he's not really that sort of person), or if he thinks that the reason I'm not with anyone is because I'm still hung up on him (which I'm not.) It's not like I'm always walking around thinking about that, but when I see them, I always start wondering about those things.

  • Other than one, who I'm still friends with, seeing any of my exes would be "whatever". I might acknowledge them, say "hi", perhaps ask how they've been, depending on the situation.

  • If your ex is a coworker I'll just say you made a poor decision. Don't dip the pen in company ink, bubs.UNPROFESH.

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