August 23, 2013
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He Says He's Not Ready—Should I Fight for Him or Not?
Well, let me first say that I absolutely love this boy to death. We were only together for like a month but we were with each other every day and it was perfect. It wasn't even that long of a time yet I fell so hard, so fast. Everything was just perfect. Well, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he just dumped me and told me that he wasn't ready because he's really scared. He's scared because he was hurt so much in the past and the girl he was with just left him out of nowhere so... I let things go.
Then a month later, he tells me that he's sorry and wants to try again, so we do. However, this time it's different; he doesn't talk to me for days and he barley sees me. I asked him what was going on and why he barley talked to me and he tells me that "he just doesn't know what he wants, and that I should move on." I told him that I didn't want to because I loved him and I remained for like two months, but then I realized that I wasn't getting what I wanted and it made me more upset to stay. We just stopped talking again.
Then, a couple of weeks later, I messaged him to say, "I'm going to fight for you, because you're who I want to be with," and he messages me back and says, "I want to try again but, I just feel like I'm going to hurt you." Of course I don't listen.
This time we see each other and It is just magical. I even got my ass grounded because I didn't want to come home. Following that, I don't hear from him for a couple of days so he texts me and says, "What's going on? Why haven't you texted me?" and I say, "I was waiting on you to do it." He replies, "You're just playing games," and I say, "No, but you should be putting in the effort, not me." He just kept asking me why I wanted to be with him.
We didn't talk again for a couple of days so I texted him one night and he never texted me back. So, the next day I was off punishment and he knew that and he never texted me to hang out. I didn't want to text him because I had texted him the night before and he never texted me back so then the day after that, I texted him and I asked him if he still wanted to try and he said, "Not now because you're playing too many games with me." I said, "I texted you the other night and you never texted me back."
He just kept saying that I wasn't grounded yesterday and that I should have texted him. I told him that I didn't want to bug him because I know that he's not ready and that I feel he should put in all the effort.
Well, it's been like two weeks since we spoke. I've sent him countless messages telling him that I love him and that I know that he's been hurt in the past, but I'll prove to him that I'm different. No matter what I say, he will never respond. I just have something in me telling me not to stop... I just don't know if he's pushing me away because he knows that I deserve better, or if he really honestly believes that I don't care about him. He'd have to be a fool to think that I don't care about him because I try so hard to be with him.
Anyway, I just don't know if I should keep on trying to prove to him that I do love him and care, or if I should just leave it alone. Do I follow my heart or "try" to move on?
Comments (17)
You should move on, assuming you can. I once had a troubled relationship with a gal who told me maybe she did love me and blah blah blah and the such, but that she wasn't ready for the type of commitment we needed yet... so we both moved on, one of us more smoothly than the other, and I'm just saying that unless you really CAN move on, then every relationship afterwards will be abusive and unfulfilling... not to discourage you from it, just saying that if you do move on, make sure you go full steam ahead, you know?
Man, you know, I'm a feminist but dumb-ass blog entries like this sometimes make me wonder if women really do have lower intelligence.
Seriously? "Fight" for him? He's a dumb guy, not some city in the Middle East. If you want to fight for him then just leap head-first into a meat grinder now and save yourself the pain later.
Or, better yet, leave him and find another guy who's willing to put up with all your pathetic texting. Believe me, life without this moron is far less painful than getting pregnant and being alone in a delivery room with only a text about "I'm sorry. Cant do this... not ready to be daddy n husbnd" to keep you company.
Dummy.
Of course you need to move on. He is the one that is playing games.
what the fuck? What did I just read? Is OP serious?
/somuchrage
I honestly hate men who act like this, If I knew this guy in real life i'd concave his face in so hard that you could eat cereal out of it.
There's no point posting this asking for advice -- it is clear that you're too weak to even break up with this guy. He's playing games with you and you don't want to believe it.
staysafe OP
Men want what they cannot have. He doesn't recognize your worth. Grounded? How old are you and why are you still living at home? If you gave it up for him and you are nothing but a booty call, then leave him in the dust. You have become his revenge relationship. He just got back on the girl who used and dumped him. Stay away from liars! (Learn to discern who they are!)
Okay, so coming from a relationship that I did have to fight for...but for different reasons, I would say that this guy really isn't ready. I'm now married to the man that I fought for and it was completely worth it, however, it was completely different. He didn't want to open up to *anyone* at all. He was scared of being hurt and tired of being disappointed by people. I just wanted him to open up and be happy. I think that's the difference here. I wanted him to be happy...whether it was with me or not. Of course I wanted him with me, I loved him (and still do very much), but his happiness was what was important to me. If you want to "work" on someone who claims they aren't ready or acts like they aren't, you'll need to put in a lot more effort than just texting. However, this guy seems like he's just playing with you because he can. Maybe he does have some emotional damage that he's dealing with, but he's making it pretty clear that he doesn't want or need your help.
At this point, it's probably best to step back. Maybe not "move on" exactly, but let him come to you for help or companionship. If he doesn't come to you, you know he's not interested, however if he does, then maybe you can build something on that.
Anyway, just my two cents. =)
Captivated and enchanted, I was reading this article in total disbelief that a female like you might actually exist. One who would fight to keep the man she loves and wouldn't automatically resign just because he does or because everyone else thinks she should.
Such a beguiling air of innocence... a girl who wants to GIVE her love rather than looking for the love she feels she deserves or is entitled to.
Of course, it wasn't long until I came across the one sentence that completely justified my skepticism and it all made sense.
"I even got my ass grounded because I didn't want to come home."
It's no fucking wonder you're rockin' a halo. You haven't lived long enough yet to mature into a jaded, selfish bitch.
My advice? Whether you choose to continue trying to build a happy relationship with him or not, stay the way you are now. If you can't make a person love you, why should you change?
O.o
If you have the time and energy to keep putting your heart through this frustration...go ahead. But it's 99% likely it's a waste of time. If a person wants to be with you, they will. That's it. That's the truth. Anything else is kidding yourself.
I have a friend who has wasted YEARS thinking she could change a guys mind..that he was just a scared rabbit, that he didn't quite know what he wanted, etc etc...then one day he found a gal he wanted and left my friend high and dry...guess he's not a scared rabbit after all.
Save yourself the trouble. Find someone who unequivocally wants to be with you and you two can love the heck out of one another and have a great time.
You really don't know what you want and it shows in your actions. You claim you want to fight for him, and then you proceed to play the "Whose turn is it to text/call?" game.
You already know he's hesitant/reluctant about the relationship and isn't willing to pursue it, but you keep throwing tests at him to prove himself such as returning your texts when you expect them. Then when he walks away, you say you'll do anything to save the relationship. As I said - you don't know what you want.
He's already defined himself - you need to define who you are and if you want to deal with this type of guy or not- but it's pointless to tell him you'll play by his rules by him being ambivalent and then expect him to then play by your rules instead.
I don't understand why you have to be the one putting in all the effort to "fight" for him. If he likes you, you don't need to fight at all.
If he's ambivalent, and you think you could win him over (which I think is meaningless because you have to resort to convincing someone to be in a relationship with you), I suggest talking to him face to face and communicate what you want from him. You're putting yourself on the line and he needs to meet you halfway. If he doesn't try or rather doesn't comply...you're much better off finding someone new.
It's not worth it.
@winniezpoo@xanga - Man, I totally missed that "grounded" part. That changes everything. I have to stop raging against immature women when, uh, ..... they are LITERALLY immature! Sheesh, when you're thirteen then you are allowed to write like a thirteen-year-old in my opinion
Sweetie, you're too young. Go to the mall with your friends (if girls still do that sort of thing) or go hiking with your family on weekends. Write "Doctor Who" fan fiction where Dr. Who totally makes it with whatever female he's traveling with or simply post emo facebook posts about how much life sucks because thirteen-year-old boys are just not GETTING you. Don't start talking about relationships and marriage. Geez!
@phoebester@xanga - LOL....yup. I am raising a 17 yo daughter just now and recognize the drama for what it is. I endure it with her. Trying to explain TO her guys who have promise and a future versus guys who don't. Trying to explain to her the difference between respect and a booty call. Trying to explain to her the difference between dressing to be pretty versus dressing to be sexy. Yup, this appears to be a young girl still at home..
@T3hZ10n@xanga - Ah, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde: "The great tragedy of women is that they grow up. The great tragedy of men is that they never do."
It's the pitsy part of finding someone you really like. If they are not ready, they are not ready.
Move on to someone who is. There are many fishes in the sea...
Go fishing.
RUNRUNRUNRUNRUN!
Once I would have been on the female side automatically. However, I notice you express the desire to be together every day. That just isn't realistic before marriage, and is the reason why people who are ready decide to marry. (Unless you are schoolkids and share a class, when you get all weekdays automatically, but most are not dates).
Dating once a week is NORMAL for the first few months of a relationship. Then when you stay over nights, a date may extend to all weekend. Most people have study or work to fill the week, and it is important you do maintain your career even in a relationship. Also important to still see same sex friends.
Ask yourself if this guy really is commitment-phobic or whether you are expecting to jump relationship stages and spend all your time together too soon?
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