August 27, 2013
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Anniversary Anxiety
Next Wednesday, my fiancée and I will celebrate our five-year anniversary. In years past, before we had to support ourselves financially, we celebrated in big (read: expensive) ways. But this year, my fiancée says she doesn’t want to receive or do anything special. I can’t help but to wonder – is she really over anniversary gifts and celebrations, or is she just trying to throw me off?
I’ll briefly run through how we celebrated our other anniversaries. For our one year, Mercedes sent me on a scavenger hunt with a gift at each location, including a Sex and the City box set (you can judge me all you want) and an engraved bracelet with the date we got together. In return, I poured my creativity into a scrapbook that chronicled our relationship.
For year two, I took Mercedes to a nearby resort and spent way too much money on dinners that were way too small. (They were the best steaks we’ve ever had, though.) On our third year, Mercedes bought us tickets to a Penn State football game while I covered the hotel room, and on our fourth, we celebrated by traveling home and spending time with family and friends.
With the five-year milestone 8 short days away, I’ve got to admit, I’m a little anxious. I think anniversaries are important to celebrate, and usually by this time, I have something all figured out. I would at least have a sentimental Hallmark card tucked away in a drawer. But this year, especially when Mercedes is saying she doesn’t expect anything at all, I’m just drawing blanks. If she's being honest, I wouldn't want to plan something for her and make her feel bad for not doing anything for me (which she would). On the same token, if she's just trying to throw me off, I'd hate for her to do something for me while I did nothing for her. Datingish readers, I need your help on this one.
Do you think Mercedes is being honest when she says she doesn’t expect anything? What would you do in this situation? What are some memorable things that you’ve done/received/given on anniversaries?
Comments (12)
Do something at home. Make your favorite (mutual!) dinner. Strawberries dipped in sour cream and rolled in brown sugar make AMAZING dessert, and are super simple.
Candles, homemade dinner, and a movie or reading or board game, or some pasttime you enjoy together. My ex and I always spent our anniversaries like that, being super poor. It was still fun, and meant a lot to both of us.
Hiking, camping? All alone in a tent...
penn state? gross. you should watch a team that's good! :p
In the immortal words of Admiral Akbar, "It's a trap!"
Get her a gift, even if it is not extravagant. Even if she believes she it being truthful about not wanting a gift, her inner girl-child will be disappointed without one.
Don't ignore it. do something...
Get her a gift, but get her a free gift. like go out and pick wild flowers. Or make something. Or take something you own in the house and re-invent it.
Also, plan some kind of food at home, it doesn't have to be good, just put all your love into it.
I don't know what Mercedies is like, or whether or not she likes to make tests for you-- but for me, i really hate receiving super special treatment on a calander day because I don't think that nice treats should be 'restricted to' or 'expected on' anaversarys or birthdays or holidays.
My dad, by the way, is brilliant. He proposed to my mother over fast food. so now, on their anaversary, the two of them go on a date to Wendy's. They are very happy, and I think it's very cute.
Never, ever do nothing for your anniversary. One time I sat & wrote a paragraph describing a great memory from each year together. She treasures that still. Not big, but heart felt.
how about the direct approach, tell her that it is important to YOU that you do something and then plan for it, that way she knows you are going to do something. Then plan something like her favorite dinner, followed by a bath with some wine and then a movie at home or read her favorite book to her.
Really talk to her.
There have been several times I told my husband not to do anything for me. I grew up poor so I am really concerned about money. However, when I tell him not to do things for me, he will ask me in return, "I already have something planned. Is that alright? It's important to me and I like expressing my love for you."
Sometimes, I'll tell him it's okay. If he really likes doing, not because he feels forced to do it. Or, sometimes, I'll tell him what would be acceptable. One anniversary, I told him, "Can we just have a candle light dinner at our place?" I didn't ask for a fancy dinner. I didn't ask to dress up. Just some quiet time.
So, ask her to be honest, and also be honest yourself. Ask her why she wants something simple (it might be something personal or similar to the concerns I experienced). Ask her if it's okay to continue with your plans ONLY if you really want to do it, and let her know she's important and you sharing is important. And, ask her if she wants anything in particular, even the simplest thing (like a card or a rose).
Every Valentine's day, I just ask my husband for one rose. It's an arbitrary holiday, so we don't go out to dinner or give gifts. But I like roses, and he likes giving it to me. So it works.
Sorry for the long chat, hope this helps.
@Dee - @lumita - @alterEGGO@xanga - @markrva@twitter - @DenimPants@xanga - @crgrier@xanga - Wow, thank you guys so much for the advice and tips, and for sharing your own experiences! I really was clueless when I wrote this, and you've helped out more than you know.
hmm that's interesting because year 5 is like a proper anniversary to celebrate, that's half a decade! I say just do something, and besides theres no harm in celebrating if it makes you happy adn you're doing it because you want to now because you should.
Yes, she is being honest in saying she doesn't expect anything. There is no reason to lie about that.
However, that does not mean you should not do anything all. It is 5 years after all. At least get a card or take her out to dinner - it doesn't have to be a fancy dinner. Or maybe cook dinner and light some candles?
The point is to celebrate your love by spending time together!
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