August 27, 2013

  • Do You and Your SO Look Forward?

    This year I finished my undergraduate degree, took the GRE's, applied for grad school, got in, and chose a school. I made the decision that I was going to move to Boston to get my Masters. My boyfriend and I have lived in the same city for about 4 years now. We attended the same school to get our Bachelors. Now that we have both graduated, he has moved home to his parent's house in Maine, and I to my mother's in Upstate New York. For the first time, we had to discuss what would happen between us now that we would be living in different states.

    We had to plan. We had to talk about what would happen in these next couples of weeks, months, or maybe even years. We had to talk about living together, or not living together, jobs, our relationship, staying together or breaking up, everything! Those conversations aren't easy, but they are necessary. It's so imperative that you and your significant other are always on the same page, or as close to it as possible. It makes things so much easier!

    Obviously you cannot plan everything and some things must be left up to chance. You must let the chips fall where they may, as they say. I think it's difficult at times to have these sort of conversations because, and I speak for myself, the future freaks me out. You never know what can happen with your life or your relationship a day from now, let alone a week or a year. But I faith. I have faith in myself, in my relationship, in my SO, and most of all, I have faith in our plans.

    Have any of you dealt with situations where you needed to make serious plans with your SO? Have you ever had to have a conversation on the future of your relationship? 

Comments (4)

  • I've always had the "Our Future" conversation in every relationship that I've had around the one year mark. This gives me an idea if the person that I'm with at the time has actually thought of it too, or is taking our relationship seriously enough to consider creating a future together.

    However, my past relationships have failed mainly because the person that I was with couldn't comprehend what that future "us" would look like, or even understand how to begin building that future "us" together. Needless to say, sharing your life with someone and being responsible for things that are outside your life is not only hard but scary as well. And let's just say my exs wanted nothing more than to look out for themselves in the end.
    So I applaud you and people out there who are brave enough to actually sit down and rationally talk and make plans/goals. If Plan A doesn't work, that's fine. You've got Plan B, Plan C, and Plan D and you'll create more until you're able to build a life together.

  • I think that for most people there comes a time to fish or cut bait. If you reach the stage in your life where you want to have kids, buy a home or settle into a career then the conversation of "us" vs "me/you" has to take place. Sometimes fluidity doesn't work anymore.

    That might mean making a commitment, a compromise or separating in different directions. And choosing to part does not mean the people do not love one another or are incapable of commitment or compromise, it might mean that they are meant to pursue different paths and are mature enough to recognize that.

  • I'm guessing this question is for people who actually have a life a.k.a. not me.

  • In my relationship I am the only one who is pursuing a career that requires a degree. It's relieving to me to be with somebody who recognizes that what I have going on is more important than what he is currently doing. He is willing to follow me wherever I go if I choose to move out of state for grad school, or stay with me while I leave and handle my business. He is ready to pack up and move with me at any time because he genuinely supports my goal. But if I were faced with the situation where I got an offer that just could not be refused, and he didn't want to go or stick together, I would be heartbroken, but it wouldn't affect my plans. I'd still go. We live in a world where self-investment is key to just about everything - you are the only person who has to walk in your shoes. Not to say I don't compromise, in fact, I have decided to stay in southern California because I know he doesn't really /want/ to leave, and we have great schools here. I hope to be with him for the rest of my life, but I plan for a future based on my own personal accomplishments and success, not anybody else's. 

    I'm interested to hear how this conversation worked out, OP.

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