August 28, 2013
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Is There Ever a Good Time for a Break Up?
My friend Kurt has been dating his girlfriend, Jess, for several months. Though I’ve never met her, I often ask how the two are doing, and the answer is always some variation of “good” – well, until now. Yesterday, Kurt revealed that he has decided to break up with Jess, but not quite yet. He said he wants to wait until it’s a better time.
When Kurt said this, I titled my head in confusion. “There’s never going to be a good time,” I said. The way I saw it, break ups just suck, regardless of the day of the week. Plus, by making the decision now but prolonging the action until later, he’s wasting his time and Jess’s.
Kurt smiled (clearly not too affected by the whole thing) and said, “True, but some times are better than others. I mean, you wouldn’t want to break up with someone on their birthday or on an anniversary. That’s just cruel.” I guess he has a point, but at the same time, I wouldn’t want anyone to date me (or continue to date me) just to do me a favor.
If you’re curious, there was no big event that caused Kurt to make this decision. To use his words, he just feels as if he and Jess don’t “mesh well,” and there’s no problem with that. In my own relationships, feelings have simply faded or the spark went away, so I can definitely see where he’s coming from. Kurt said that he and Jess are going to visit her family over the holiday weekend, and as of now, he is planning to break up with her early next week.
What’s your opinion on this topic? If you’ve decided that you want to break up with someone, should you just do it, or should you try to wait for a “good time”? Is there really ever a good time for a break up?
Comments (14)
I have had guys break up with me the night before my exams, and I must say that is a BAD time. Pride carried me through despite the tears. I thought way less of them for doing that too. Yes, it would have been better for them to have been civil for a few more hours....
There are certain times when you should know not to break it up. Take into consideration any hardships they might be experiencing like family difficulties. It also doesn't mean you should wait until the absolute perfect time, which is never. You just have to do it sooner or later and do it at a time when it will be convenient for both of you.
It's kind of like life: there's no such thing as a good life, but some lives are less bad than others. Same thing applies here. There's no good time to break up, but there are less bad times to do so, so it's best to pick the least bad time to do so as possible.
I think a person should tell their partner asap that they want to break up. Either they could work through the problem or they'd end it that much sooner.
If someone wanted to break up with me, I would want them to tell me asap.
there is neither a good nor a bad time, any time is the moment to do it !
The best time to end a relationship is before you enter into it. It doesn't matter though. You'll end up convincing yourself it was the other person's fault you didn't stay with them or no one's fault because you're just incompatible, but really, the pain they feel is your fault for not knowing who/what you wanted before getting their hopes up only to add one more unnecessary negative experience to their life.
You break up with the person under the assumption that they would do the same if they were in your position... a terrible thing to base one's actions on; the premise that everyone should put their happiness above the pain of others, especially those they claim to care about. If that were the case, you can't blame that person for forcing you to stay with them lest you proudly bear the title "Hypocrite".
I think he is just taggingher along for a free ride over the weekend.....I say there is never a good time to break up and he should be a man about it and get it over with quickly so both of them can move on with their lives.
I agree that there are times that human decency requires you wait...like right before the barre exam, when they're about to remove mom from life support, or she's due to go into labor in the next three days. But I don't think anyone should string another along once they've made the decision to break up.
If they've only been dating several months, I actually think that it would have been better to break up before the holiday weekend. I'd rather that than have my mom call on Wed and say "hey, that guy you brought over was really nice..." and have to say "um yeah, he dumped me Mon night"
I respect that he's not pulling the weenie move of "I'll treat her like crap and ignore her...then she'll break up with ME!" stunt.
Sounds like he's a decent thoughtful guy,.
You're right, there is never going to be a good time, but I strongly believe that there are better times. From the receiving end of 'bad timing breakup' I think that timing IS important.
I mean this, like many other things, is not a yes or no question-- just cause the time is not perfect, does not mean that it is a bad time.
There's never a good time, but I wouldn't want to be strung along, either. It's going to hurt no matter when you do it, but I think as long as you avoid birthdays, anniversaries, and the like, you're probably fine. She'll get over it eventually, at least if she's reasonably emotionally healthy. I think it's better to end a relationship than to string the other person along. I think I'd be a lot more upset if I later found out that he hadn't actually felt anything for me for a long time and just was stringing me along because he was afraid of hurting my feelings.
"There's never a good time to break up."
That's unfalsifiable if you don't allow the other person to decide. The other person may know of a better solution than you, but of course, personal bias prevents you from trusting him/her to choose when is best.
Gee, I wonder...
Why wouldn't you allow your boyfriend/girlfriend to break up when he/she feels the time is right?
Maybe because it's wrong and unfair if you don't get a say in it?
Ideally, you'd bring up a talk in the first few days of noticing that you don't feel the same way about them anymore. When the core attraction starts to fade it should be discussed - that is, if you genuinely cared for them in the first place. Most people write it off and keep trucking with a relationship that they already know is not going to work, and it builds resentment whether they are aware of it or not. You end up sabotaging the relationship that way, so its best to bring it up when it first becomes an issue, give some time to try to mend what's cracked, or mutually split ways.
Since this guy seems to be long past that point, he should really just go before she takes him to meet the family - it's kind of a big deal. At least for me. I have only brought 2 people home to meet my family, and both times were after a year of dating. That's kind of dick to pencil a breakup into YOUR schedule, while still reaping the benefits of somebody else's plans.
I thought my friend was going to break up with her douchebag boyfriend, they were so close to finally ending, and then his dad died.....they're STILL together. ugh.
@isitreal_no@xanga - Poor you.
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