August 20, 2017
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Common Sense Points for Single Ladies
We girls definitely can turn a blind eye when it comes to love. Here are a few things that should have been common sense for a (mostly) sensible girl like me, but I had to learn them the hard way:Signs He's Looking for A Serious Relationship
- He contacts you 3-4 times a week or more
- He wants to spend a large amount of his free time with you
- He asks you questions about yourself to get to know you, and then remembers your answers
- He takes you out and spends money on your dates
- He introduces you to his friends and familySigns He's Dating for Fun without Commitment
- He is vague about his plans and doesn't talk much about his life
- Rather than take you out on dates, he invites you over "to watch TV/movies" and then make out
- He's not into serious conversation, only lighthearted fun
- He flakes out on you, forgets to call, etc.
- He says to you, "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." (Take this seriously, he means it!)Have you been looking for a relationship but facing only heartbreak? It doesn't matter how special you are, how hot you look or how wonderfully you treat him. If he's not ready for a relationship, you can't do anything about it. All you can do is leave him alone and find someone who is ready. If you are having trouble finding someone, stop waiting around for guys to approach you. The confident guy randomly approaching you is often the player type. It's time for us to give ourselves more options.
YOU make the choice, take control of your love life. Ask that cute guy a question and see if it turns into a conversation. Then ask him for his MySpace/Facebook/email and take it from there. If you see signs that he is single and interested in you, ask him out! The first time is the hardest, but it only gets easier. There are plenty of guys out there waiting for you to ask THEM out, and those are the types who are most likely to be sweet, loyal, and respectful in the long run.
Comments (109)
Good points. I'll remember these when I decide to rejoin the dating world. For now, I am a hermit and I dont talk to men.
I'm the first guy. I met my fiance thru chance on Myspace 2+ years ago. And we hit it off and are still together. I think after awhile, you start looking for relationships more. And find a way to make your relationship fun.
Hmm, I agree.
Good points, and though it shouldn't be, the fact is that there are still quite a few people who get weird about the whole "girl asking guy out" scenario.
@desertrose2890@xanga - hahahah im right there with you!
I like this and I think it's mostly true. I had a guy who contacted me every day, several times a day. I was being driven crazy, haha. It's nice to be thought of once in a while, but come on! Enough is a enough... he and I are definitely in different places.
Good common sense points that girls tend to conveniently forget when they have their eye on that "special" someone. I think asking a guy out is kind of weird - unless you do it in a casual fun way. Like, "Oh hey I saw that movie just came out and I really wanted to see it! What about you?" and take it from there.
this entry worries me about my relationship >___<
It's about time someone wrote this.
I usually don't waste my time with guys who are only in it for the fun, but it doesn't mean I haven't been fooled before. They tell you they just want to "see where things are going" while actually they meant they just want to use you until you wise up and leave.
Boys who say they don't want anything serious in the beginning are NOT going to change their mind later on. Stop dreaming.
bahh, my guy falls between the two categories, but has been exclusive w/ me for 5 months now?
boys suck.
@Neurotically_Mine@xanga - so fucking trrruueee...omggg.
i went through one of these situations about a month ago...he used the classic line "lets see where it goes..." uh no u wanna fool around with, get what you want and then leave. ass hole.
i don't want a boyfriend. i want a girlfriend.
give me tips on whether or not a girl is a lesbian or not by looking at her.
Wow, I'm dating this guy who's definitely showing all the signs he's looking for a serious relationship. It kinda scares me a bit because we've known each other for less than 2 weeks... but he's a cool guy and I really want to give him a chance.
Good common sense points if you're a moron.
Because surely everyone enjoys talking about themselves and spending money (in this economy? lol!).
Why don't people just establish what they're looking for beforehand instead? I know it's scary, but sometimes you need to be straight forward.
I've been "dating" a guy for about 5 months now, who 100% falls into the first category. We talk basically every night. He's willing to drive an hour to visit me every weekend (that he can...which is more often then not) He is always asking about me and wants to know everything about me, he always wants to take me out and won't let me pay. He tells me all the time how amazing I am, and tells me how much he likes me.
Except, he has a girlfriend. FML.
Common sense was out the window 4 months ago.
Haha, my guy did ALL of those things in the first list. He is my first boyfriend, and I don't want to lose him!
These are helpful tips. I suck at talking to guys in general. I'll be sure to remember these. Thank you :]
My last relationship started out as one of those "fun but no commitment types" and lasted about 8 months. I was fine with just having fun with each other but then my feelings grew & his didn't. Therefore, the relationship had to finally end.
As far as talking to that "cute guy", I have yet to do this! Haha, easier said than done.
What about he asks you to hang out together and get a drink? How do you know if he's interested in you as "just a friend" or maybe "something more"?
oh I've known a guy in a pub and he approached our group of friends since we were so noisy talking about assholes, and he was really curious cuz our table is next to his group of friends too. Well, at first we were like oh so confident, he even asks all our number just in case, but mind you, after that he constantly sends us messages, but I don't even get to reply, until one time i replied and he was really happy, he told me it's me who he wants to get to know from the beginning we met on the pub. My friend says that guy has an eye for me, because he sends group messages but when it comes to me it's personalized cuz it's only me whom he asks "how I am"how's my day"stuffs like that, until he texted me often and wants to see me, do some effort for me, he even invited me to his sister's graduation and I really went there, cuz he picked me up. Whenever I'm at school he would offer to be there, or anywhere else. But sadly I always refuse cuz we've known only for weeks, but up to this time he's consistent about me. So yeah I don't know if he's a player or not.
this is true. for me, if i like a guy, i go for it. i don't wait around for the guy. Like my current SO, I actually was the one who pursued him ;D
@shoujo@xanga - absolutely right - asking guys out feels so weird but think about all the guys out there picking up on girls -- it's just as hard, weird and awkward for them.. that is, until they get used to it and then they can become really good at it. so can we!
@oO_km_Oo@xanga - girl, so many of us know EXACTLY how you feel. we're here to support you no matter what happens!
Well this has ruined my day.
Well this has ruined my day.
I love these types of blogs! I get to counter them with suggestions that might make you think that NOT EVERYBODY IS THE SAME!!
Signs He's Looking for A Serious Relationship
- He contacts you 3-4 times a week or more
As do stalkers, creeps, losers OR friends, family and just plain out guys in general. Honestly, if I don't hear out of one of my friends in over 4 days, I think something's wrong.
- He wants to spend a large amount of his free time with you
Friends do too. Just because you hang out together doesn't mean anything has to happen.
- He asks you questions about yourself to get to know you, and then remembers your answers
Yeah, anybody can. Basic listening and memory skills will get you this requirement from anybody.
- He takes you out and spends money on your dates
Again, anybody can and anybody would if they have the money and you don't. Money often makes a strong impression on women doesn't it?
- He introduces you to his friends and family
Only if he's really got nothing to hide. My friends will NEVER meet my mother, nor will my S.O.
Signs He's Dating for Fun without Commitment
- He is vague about his plans and doesn't talk much about his life
Or, he's got nothing that you would find really interesting, nor does he have anything at all.
- Rather than take you out on dates, he invites you over "to watch TV/movies" and then make out
Should money be tight, this is a great option. I swear, women...you act like "Our Tickle Fights mean so much to me!" and then bitch when we don't do anything. Not every moment needs to take breaths away, sometimes we need them to catch breaths too.
- He's not into serious conversation, only lighthearted fun
WHY SO SERIOUS!!?!?? Too much seriousness in one day ends up with an uptight relationship. We want to be a part of a meaningful relationship with you women, not just a fire crotch.
- He flakes out on you, forgets to call, etc.
Forgetfulness happens in everybody. Consistently, I concede this argument.
- He says to you, "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." (Take this seriously, he means it!)
Holy jesus fucking Christ...you actually got this one right!! I'm sounding like I'm bleeding sarcasm from the asshole, but I really mean it when this saying gets blasted by double meanings that aren't there! If we're not looking, we're not looking. It's not that complex really.
Ladies, he will find time for you and make an effort if he really is into you.
what if its a little bit of both.
Pretty good post. I'm impressed.
@Lianne_Lin@xanga - This is right on too. It's a bit tougher for girls though, but definitely possible.
@Eternal_Nocturne@xanga - lol thanks for typing that so i didn't have to! i might add as well, that the guys who follow the characteristics the op attributes to "relationship" guys are the ones who lose the girls' interest.
my current bf told me he 'didnt want a serious relationship' when we first met. i took it seriously, treated him like a short term date. then he asked me out.
UGH men are so emotional. why can't they just be logical for once!?
there should be more added.
Well said! too bad I am too chicken sheeeet to make the first move LOL
I would like to say that this is definitely not true. I used to be Type 1, only to realize that it is often unattractive and annoying. Come on... asking a girl out 3~4 times a week? That's just plain annoying.
I still am the relationship type guy, but since acting naturally like one is unattractive, I no longer act like it.
My best advice for girls is to talk to the guy a few times. Try to engage him in conversation. It's the best way to know how that person is and don't just assume anything about him.
totally
@chPanda@xanga - It is INDEED this simple. If we want you, we'll work for you. That's all it takes.
well i learnt not to ask men out. I usually wait for them to ask me out and have an inkling that they do want me in their lives.
right on target with this. but i think many of the same could be said about women with just some minor changes.
So very true.
I have to say that article is not entirely incorrect. I made the first move on a guy I dated 3 years ago. And with the guy I'm interested in now, I've made a lot of the first moves. Now, he's not ready for a relationship and he and I have talked about that and I respect his decision completely. But I'm in no hurry either so I think I can wait.
(I asked him if he wanted to get dinner after work Friday, and he voluntarily paid for it! I was too tired and jet lagged to argue otherwise)
Loved the post. thanx...
what's wrong with watching a movie at home and making out? =(
good points, would keep it in mind.=)
This would've been helpful when I first met my SO. I was so clueless about his advances and hints. I look back on it and it all makes sense!
But we've been dating six months, so I guess not knowing his advances until I was actually looking at him as a boyfriend was a good thing.
I was a horrible girlfriend in high school, so when I graduated we started dating in the summer, after I realize how much he really cared and that he had liked me all year long!
I've always consider myself a sensible female. And as the years passed, I really just how insensible I was LOL.
Now I'm confidant I know how to read guys - and I agree with everything you listed.
But. Sometimes. A guy can throw you a curve ball.
The last one I was seeing - he did everything, I do mean everything, from the first list. All 5 items. After being oblivious for awhile, I had a face|palm moment! So I started to let myself fall for him.
Then...
He lost interest. The phone calls stopped. The texts stopped. Excuses popped up for why we can't hang out.
sigh
But like you said, I make the choice to be happy or not. So I moved on and put him behind me.
I love asking guys out, their expressions are priceless.
Mad props, this was one of the few entries on Datingish worth reading
Rather than take you out on dates, he invites you over "to watch TV/movies" and then make out.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!
@desertrose2890@xanga - same boat... only on the male side of things. I dont even want to accidentally acquire new "platonic" friends at the moment... because its like they wait around for me to make the "first move" that i'm never going to make and id rather not have another woman think im an asshole for NOT persuing her.
Like its our duty to try and get with you and we are the scum of the earth if we dont want to... and dropping the "friendbomb" on us is just another way for you all to get "closure". If you throw sex at us were supposed to turn it down? And when it comes to your attention that we dont want to be with anyone we're horndogs who just wanted to get laid... perplexing.
But yeah. I'll start dating forreal again when im like 30 ahahha. Maybe a nice 22-23 year old LOLL
Lianne - I cant imagine you having problems with men. You're freaking GORGEOUS O_o If you asked me out I'd have to be a moron not to oblige... Id stand there looking stupid for a few seconds in amazement, but... ok, this is getting creepy.
*hides*
@Angelina_Everlong@xanga - lol dont worry. Like Millionaire Matchmaker guru always says, whether youre 18 or 80, theres always another around the corner.
awesome post! I definitely agree with a lot of those points too. Do I always follow them? LOL. Well, sometimes its just fun to have a flake. Again, awesome post! I hope the girls keep these points in mind!
That definetly is common sense.
Helpful points. Maybe this blog will be able to help you a little bit more? It's called How To Attract Better Guys and these are tips that I have discovered through my own painful experiences as well. Check them out and let me know what you think.
Men
just
suck.
@Angelina_Everlong@xanga -
good points!
well this is certainly one perspective.
and it better not be true....unless i have suppressed all of my conscious desires
Good post. I'm sick of hearing girls complain about how there's "no good guys out there" and yet they do nothing but sit around waiting for guys to come up to them and whine how creeps keep asking them out.
So what if it's like... combination of both of those lists? Wtf do you do then!?
i learnt it the hard way too... but u know what? we emerge stronger after. so hang in there! ^^
i guess my 2 week first boyfriend relationship is questionable. thanks for the rude awakening, no sarcasm
Right on!
at least you seem to know it isn't all about your clothes and makeup.
bah!
It's nice to know that some girls are smart and have common sense. Mankind does have hope afterall. And @Orlando@xanga - some girls do know it's not about their makeup, designer clothing and hand bags. Isn't that enlightening?
I disagree a bit. I've known a few guys to do all of those in the first category - and yet they just had no intentions of getting serious, it was just a 'time filler'.
If you are in a relationship can you really be considered single? This is great advice for those in relationships. Seeing as I am actually single...I'll just have to keep it in the back of my mind for future reference.
Unfortunately, this doesn't always work.
I was dating a guy who fit into all the categories of the first list except for the last one, and he ended up breaking up with me because he didn't want to get into a relationship.
He called me every night.
He made plans with me whenever he had time, and he would drive four hours just to spend time with me.
He spent money on me.
He remembered my answers to questions, and also other random tidbits of information that I didn't expect him to remember.
what if he is BOTH of those categories??? He introduces you to his family, pays for dinners, spends his free time chatting with you, remembers things about you, contacts you 2-3 times a week BUT says he not looking for a serious relationship???
I don't think this works with a long distance kind of thing... Lol
ditto. *nods*
HOLLLLDDDD IT. HOLD IT HOLD IT HOLLDD. IT.
We are brought up being told that contacting a girl so much as more than ONCE a week shows that we're desperate/needy/easy, asking questions showing that we care about her, spending too much of our time with her, and whatever, TURNS HER OFF. We are brought up being ALIENATED by girls when we make ourselves "relationship material".
When WE make ourselves available, usually, the other side responds by "fun" dating behavior, plays hard to get, gets evasive, tests us to see if we'll keep chasing or repeat ourselves when they didn't hear us the first time, goes without contacting us for a while to see if we call them first, acts evasive - and now you're saying that's good. So it's back to being attractive now, that's the new "in". You're saying that the hidden language is now gone and there's no more pushing and pulling.
P.S. I love reading through the comments here that say "men suck".
Really, I like the tidbit that says "women, take charge and ask men out", but....
Why do females consider males complicated? We are dumm, and tell you what we want right out. Less intelligent of our gender yell stuff to you to the effect of how you appear pleasing in some way.
If we put our hands on your boobs and butt more than we hold hands or put an arm around you, that means we aren't serious about you. (shows what we're focused on.)
I would like to point out to ladies out there, that I am available if you don't mind a bit of angry sarcasm, but like a strong guy who won't hump your friends or family and can cook well.
OK BUT what if its both, its like an every other day thing? Somedays hes on the serious relationship side, and then other days hes playing the whole fun without commitment card...? Thats confusing, and I really dont get why they do that.
nice
some points are true yet... i would debate against a few of them also
so true.
This is a wonderful post.
I wish I could like, favorite it or something.
Major props for this.
<3
Haha, interesting. It's true though, my most recent thing was a number two guy. Since then I've only gotten bites from the creeps. They all seem nice at first, and then the switch happens, creeperville!
Then again the fact I'm not looking probably helps to avoid such situations. I think the confidence of knowing I'm myself and only have myself to worry about attracts guys, though. Damn confidence. Hah.
If only life really was that simple. But most guys aren't as clear cut.
Just because a guy has confidence to step to a girl does not make him a player...Just means he's probably the type to keep his options open. If you've got the goods, these guys will want a relationship with you, after we test you to see if you're worth the investment in emotion, time, money. If you're not smart/fun/interesting, and you're just a pretty face, yeah, we will probably not want something serious. If you're this type of girl, you would probably do better to stay away from confident guys, and just find a "sweet" guy you can keep in the palm of your hand.
Have you been looking for a relationship but facing only heartbreak?
It doesn't matter how special you are, how hot you look or how
wonderfully you treat him. If he's not ready for a relationship, you
can't do anything about it. All you can do is leave him alone and find
someone who is ready. If you are having trouble finding someone, stop
waiting around for guys to approach you. The confident guy randomly
approaching you is often the player type.
very true
sigh
and here i am trying to hold onto smth which isnt there anymore
he has made it clear that he doesnt want to be w anyone
and certainly not me
i dont know what im doing
i know i need to let go. but it's so hard
oh dear...
I guess I should have shown her around during my family reunion. =P
On a more serious note, the former of this blog also describes guys in the "friend zone". Once us guys are there . . . unless you're hot and she's secretly been crushing on you, I doubt you'll get out. I'm still hoping, but I know it's not going anywhere. Until then, I'll just fool around today, since it's April 1st (what a terrible pun, lol).
This entry is funny because my ex was exactly everything on the first list. Yes, he did call me a lot.. too much in fact. He wanted to see me EVERY DAY.. and we did for the first 2 years! He wants to know everything about my life and really attentive with what i say. He is like part of the family, because he treats my family members better than i treat them, He occasionally drives them around when they need it, help fix things around the house, and even take us all out to dinner.
Problem is.. i think he's obsessed with me. He says that he can't live without me, his life is no life at all without me, he cannot lose me.
I gave him numerous chances whenever he did something wrong... very wrong, like when i swear that he was cheating (and I found out on facebook), but of course he denied it. Or when he forced me into.. you know what.. I got really really angry then and promised myself that i would never get back into the relationship again... but then.. i got pursuaded..
And now... he told me he slept with a hooker in China... then i started crying, and he immediately said that he lied about that and he didnt' want to seem like the loser (when we broke up the 2nd time), because i had many guys chasing after me and I even kissed one of them.
Either way, of course i broke up with him at the end. He either is a very skillful liar who can lie in FRONT of me looking into my eyes... so now i dont' think i can ever trust him again... Or... He slept with a hooker, which doesn't need any explainations there.
So watch out girls, even the seemingly wanting to be in a serious relationship guy with all the right qualities can still shock you and make you realise that they're a jerk.
Or maybe i was just lucky on that one.
Thanks for the tips. I know what to do now about my so-called "friend" who's not ready for a relationship. It was a wake-up call for me because I can now be honest with myself; I want more than what he seems to be offering.
lol
This is pretty interesting
Amen to this.
But what if you receive mixed signals from both lists?
all of this advice is so obvious it's painful. we women are gluttons for punishment apparently and have an over inflated opinion of our ability to change a man who has made it clear we are just a new toy.
cmon ladies. let's leave the losers alone and maybe they'll get tired of being douchebags that don't get dates
If he donkey punches you during sex. He's probably in it for the long haul.
Thanks for the tips.
good points great blog. I would say that the guy I'm crushing on is in the middle of the two and won't give me a clear cut sign which way he's leaning. Since we're becoming friends I'm afraid that asking him out will completely ruin our friendship if he doesn't feel the same way. I'm sure if you made me choose I'd definitely chose friendship over anything else.
@tubbz87 - Same dilemma except my friend likes him. Although, she tends to like everyone.. this guy would be her "main squeeze". The one guy she likes the most. I've already dropped a dude for her once before. A guy I really liked, idk man..
This is soo true awesome post sometimes you see all the signs but you just don't want to believe that's the way it is. =)
@Olyachka@xanga - No they don't!!!!
i think the guy i'm interested in is somewhere between both paragraphs. how confusing.
Great post!
lol
I do both.
Looks like I want a seriously fun commitment?
This makes me soo confused.
I met this guy not too long ago,
almost 2 months ago? Seems like he came into my life at the right
moment (since I had broken up with my 1st bf at the end of Dec, and he
was the biggest jerk ever.) He's really nice and sweet, when I was sick
he'd ask how I was doing everyday, and offered to remind me to take my
med since I keep forgetting. And once I was being followed on my way
home from work.. so the first person I thought of to call was him and
well he was like.. "WHAT?! WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?!".. he sounded
worried and his voice was shaky. And after that, he'd always sms me
when I'm at work to tell me to call him after work cause he doesn't
want me to get taken away by some stranger. Also, he'd call me during
his breaks at work.. 15 min break = 16 min phone call. And once out of
curiosity I asked him whether he smokes or not. He said yes, you don't
like boys who smoke? I was like, not really... and he said, give me
some time, if you don't like it I'll try my best to quit although I
tried before and failed.
I don't know what's going on here, it's so misleading and unfortunately I have already fallen head over heels for him.
I think I should also mention that he's a girl magnet. He has sooo many pretty girls around him. :
And
well now, he doesn't call me during his breaks anymore.. perhaps he has
found another girl to call? He'd use to sms/msg/call me at least once a
day. But he doesn't do that anymore. It's like he just.. kinda left me
alone. Is he bored of me already? Too busy for me? (Although my friend made a good point, although he's not busy lately, he didn't bother to find me. But when he was even busier back then.. he talked to me everyday no matter how busy he was.)
Does he want me to find him instead? Or like.. should I just.. leave him alone? Or has he found another new girl to bug already? Ahhh sooo confusingg.
@desertrose2890@xanga - totally agree!
Although I still don't think I'll ever be able to approach the guy first!
yeh , . he just said " he's not ready for a relationship " , and i felt like a fool , doing so much for him and sarcrificing for him . well but not now , i'm moving on .
Hate me forever but I don't think asking a guy out would be such a good idea. Initiate a talk can be bearable but ask him out? I don't know.
Here here! I totally agree with you~ I had been a sole victim of this at one point.. guys who usually approach you in a pub are constantly players and if they say they don't want to be in a relationship, take their word for it really! However, I still like the guy who did this to me coz he's my ideal but I ain't gonna wait around for him.. there goes my common sense~ =P
i feel like somethings is missing inthis post...but... i'll keep these points in mind haha
this is so true... i had just ended a relationship with a guy like that.. in the beginning he tried winning over these guys and bought me everything... picked me up anywhere and now hes just not the relationship type of guy.. and i am looking for a long lasting strong one... im done with games... thanks!
odd. my guy does a little of both.
sometimes i wonder if he know what he wants. or if he is serious about any of it.
good points though.
i learnt i wont ask a guy out that for sure, i will leave it in limbo and if he is interested enough, he would ask me out.
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