July 27, 2013
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Can He Tell You What to Do?
This morning, I woke up to a text from one of my best friends. She was laughing at how uncomfortable she had just made her mother feel. Somehow, they had gotten into the topic of trimming their hair down there. (My friend and her mother have a very open relationship.) Her mom asked if she trimmed. My friend replied that she had ever since her boyfriend told her to sophomore year of high school.
I have heard this story many times: it was her first boyfriend, and he was a couple years older. She was pretty inexperienced at the time and did not know what to expect when it came to the physical aspect of their relationship. After a couple months of dating, the guy let his hand wander for some below-the-belt action. He suddenly recoiled in horror when he felt a little fuzz down there. He proceeded to tell, not ask, tell her to shave down there.
My friend always tells that story with a smile on her face. She thinks it was hilarious how "young and inexperienced she was." My other friends and I, on the other hand, do not think the story is so funny. For some reason we are bothered by the fact that he mandated that she trim the natural hairs that grow on her body. Sure, asking or suggesting is one thing. However, telling her is quite another. (My friends and I had the same reaction when a guy stopped mid-hook up to ask when another friend had last shaved her legs and inform her that leg stubble was "kind of a turn-off.")
Do you think it is appropriate for a SO to tell you what to do when it comes to hair upkeep? In what categories is okay for a SO to demand you do something? Or is it never okay?
Comments (11)
Anybody can tell you what to do.
Don't let anybody tell you what to do, be it a significant other, best friend, an employer, or a family member. You are your own boss. If someone tries to tell you what to do, give them the fucking boot. You are your own person and only you have the right to tell yourself what to do.
Anyone can tell his partner what to do. She can decide to do it if she wants to or not, it not like he had a knife to the girl's throat. Everything has to be an outrage, hahah. First world problems.
While you are in charge of yourself and make your own decisions, unless the comment was made with ill intent, at least look at their side of things. If he is a nobody, brush his comment off. If he's someone you'd like to keep around, consider his preferences and whether it is a change you think will benefit you.
Oh High School. Back when kids think they know what they want in a relationship.
Ironically it was when I became single after two serious relationships that I started doing Brazilians. It was just a personal preference, and that's what it should be. You shouldn't have to do it for someone else.
The real issue here is shaming another person into submission. Your friend looks back and, though she laughs, states how "immature" she was when she was a sophomore in high school (average: 15 years old). Her boyfriend made her feel that shaving her genital area was something she should do in order to catch up with "mature" girls. He shamed her for her body and dared her to prove her maturity by pleasing his sexual preference when she was 15 years old.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - Having the right to tell yourself what to do is not mutually exclusive with others' right to free speech. Anybody can tell you what to do. You can decide whether or not to do it. Of course, you'd rather make yourself out to be a victim and retaliate in an equally controlling manner.
definetly not.a womanhas her own mind.
While I think it's unattractive to let your bush grow out of control, I don't think it's a big deal and definitely not something you should be rude about to your partner. Just remember, no one likes to floss when they're eating dessert (goes for both guys and girls).
I don't think he should tell her what to do. Asking seems much more appropriate. In this case though, it seems like she took it well, and is pleased with her decision to follow through on his "demands". So I wouldn't worry too much about this particular situation with your friend.I first started 'trimming the nethers' when the first guy I was intimate with requested that I do so. I was horribly inexperienced and sheltered. Religious upbringing + very closed relationship with my mother = "What? People shave down there??" at 18 years old (I'm now a huge advocate for comprehensive sex-ed and such... go figure). I was weirded out by the request, since, in my inexperience, I had never heard of such a thing, but figured it couldn't hurt to try. I've always been really glad I did, cause I'm much more comfortable this way.
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