July 27, 2013
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The Rule of Three
When I found out that my fiancée has slept with two people besides me, I was pretty relieved. I think part of me wished that the number was zero (because I hate the idea of her being with anyone else), but two is still, in my opinion, a completely reasonable number. I trusted that my fiancée was telling me the truth about her sexual past, but according to the rule of three, I should not have trusted her so easily.The rule of three states that a woman’s number (of sexual partners) is three times more than what she tells you, while a man’s number is three times less. Going by this logic, if a woman says she has had three sexual partners, her “real” number would be nine. If a man says he has been with twelve people, his “real” number would be four. Why would men and women lie about their numbers? According to a Psychology Today blog post, it’s “because the sexual double standard still portrays men as studs and women as sluts for sleeping around.”
Though I agree with this double standard (to an extent), I’m not sure if men and women are really carrying out mathematical equations when it comes to their numbers. I’m not saying that no one lies, but rather, that they wouldn’t lie in such a calculated or drastic way. (Of course, there are always exceptions.)
The blog post does include an interesting study, though, that might give this rule a bit more legitimacy. In the study, researchers randomly assigned heterosexual college students to one of three survey groups. Each group was asked questions about their sexual past; one group was told that their answers would be viewed, another was told that their answers would remain anonymous, and subjects in the third group were hooked up to (non-working) lie detectors. Though men’s responses did not vary with survey mode, women’s did. Their average number of sexual partners increased from 2.6 (when they thought their responses would be seen) to 4.4 (when they were hooked up to the polygraphs).
Whether operating by the rule of three or not, for me, lying about your number would be worse than having a high number. While a person’s sexual activity isn’t necessarily a reflection of their moral character, a person’s dishonesty is.
What do you think about the rule of three? Have you ever lied about your number? How would you react if someone lied about their number to you?
Comments (30)
My number is one. Apparently I'm at -2 sexual partners.
Ha. I was always honest about the number of people I slept with. I don't worry if someone thinks I'm easy or not.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - You mean 1/3. Like maybe down to the belly button of one partner..
I always said 0 but to those I trust I say 1.
I only have been with one person (my current) and I'm only his second. I feel a little jipped cause I was only one slut (I am only calling her one cause she fucked another dude while she was still with him) away from us sharing our virginities together. oh wellz.
I heard it with add and subtract, not multiply and divide. And I don't believe in it either way. People are too complex and too different from each other to be reduced to a formula. Some people tell the truth, others exaggerate a little, others a lot.
i never lied about my number and never felt a need to
its 8 by the way
Why would you lie unless you're ashamed of who you are? Your past helped make your present, so if you like your present, you can't be ashamed of your past. It's really immature to lie about that. Own your life. It's who you are.
@XXVl@xanga - I didn't really read. I've heard it's add 3 and subtract 3 and I just skipped the article and went straight to the questions.
This theorem only applies to people who are insecure about their sexual experiences. Why else would you lie about that kind of thing. I think it should be the the truth or don't tell at all.
baha if that's a case i've been with 12 guys. 12 makes me think of a dozen and a dozen makes me think of doughnuts. What relevancy does this have? none. However, valid point "While a person’s sexual activity isn’t necessarily a reflection of their moral character, a person’s dishonesty is. " I don't think I'd want to be with someone if they made me feel insecure or I felt insecure in the first place about the number of people I've slept with.
There's someone in my extended family who told me once that he slept with approximately 330 women. He did say an exact number but I can't remember it. I couldn't help but thinking wow that's kind of disturbing especially since he had been married for most of his adult life. If the rule applied 110 would be more reasonable though still pretty weird but that would also mean he lied about sleeping with 220 women.
@SamEwing@xanga - Did he use the words "slept with?" Because I can see that being the joke and key to his affairs.
I've been with 5.3 partners, you do the math.
I honestly only have been with 3 guys and I'm 30. I have too many self image issues to just let anyone see me naked. You gotta earn it!
@PrincessPowers@xanga - No he did not. Maybe he was lying but he intended what he was saying to be taken seriously and there was only other men around at the time.
So... according to this theorem. I should tell people I have slept with 2/3rds of a person. At the moment I'm having trouble deciding which 2/3rds of the person I want to say I slept with, the top part or the bottom part. A girl once told me she slept with 16 people. So we're saying she's slept with 48 people...? That... is quite a feat for a 24 year old.
Though as I think back on this-- there were a few instances that I don't count. Like, making out and fudging around without clothes that never got around to penetration or... even... arousal for some cases. Or watching someone having sex while only partially participating. If that's included... then it may be right. 2=6.
People are interchangeable. I go through a lot, but if someone asks I claim about 10% of the actual number. Take that to mean the number is as low or as high as you'd like.
haha hey, I'm always honest about my number. Not too proud, but I've had a fun life and only regret one out of them all!When you're single throughout college, sometimes things can get wild.
Actually, sleeping around is a reflection of moral character. Obviously you don't have much if you're sleeping with anyone other than the person you're committed to. I would never lie about my number. I have had zero partners. I will not have a number unless I get married.
in all honesty, until i had a few real girls under my belt, i used to lie to people all the damn time. unfortunately, while it's a nice theory that only certain kinds of people would lie about it, there is way too much social pressure for me to have ever considered being honest about it.@DenimPants@xanga - haha, it's not that hard. let's say she's been banging since she was 18. then over the course of 6 years, she only needed 8 per year, which isn't even one a month. i think the 330 that someone else quoted is much more of a feat, hahaha.@ohhey - we should probably hang out some time.
Oh, please. There are two different conversations. I'm not going to tell a one night stand how many people I've slept with, but if I lie about it to my life partner, I have other issues. Yes there's a double standard. And we're propagating it. 1) Psychology Today is your source. Their blog. 2) Regardless of the methods contrived, there is no formula which allows us to to predict human behavior. Surmise, suppose, project, hypothesize, guess, yes; predict, no. We are too diversified, which is why people are so hesitant to diagnose a violent, apathetic, remorseless child as a sociopath until the child nears the age of majority - because such a diagnosis can have detrimental effects on their future prospects. That aside, the way PT describes their material makes it sounds like an undergrad attempt at conducting research. We must always consider when it was done, how questions were worded, how many subjects were obtained, how were they obtained, what kind of representation do we have, regarding a cross section of the population of which area - the list goes on and on. And the oft-forgotten, but most important question: who funded it? Unless someone with the bucks is interested, it doesn't happen. So like I said, undergrad experiment to go through the motions of creating a study, getting approval, and so on. Or maybe it was funded by a "women's" magazine.
I've always been honest. It doesn't pay to lie and I'm a terrible liar as it stands. My number might be intimidating for some but if they can get over that, then we're golden.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - hahaha! why? cause I have no shame in my game? Chea.
Always honest.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Haha, true. Nevermind quite the feat, 330 women is an accomplishment.
I don't lie about how many guys I've been with, but I've only been with 4 guys.I always feel like people don't believe me though.
I don't believe in being dishonest. I think you are truly looking for a real virgin. Keep looking.Your suspicious nature may ruin any hope for a great relationship with your current fiance. The level of trust is not there for a committed relationship on your part. Best of luck in your continued search. .
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