July 30, 2013
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It Just Worked
One of my good friends at school, Tim*, is gay. He is currently dating a great guy who we also go to school with, and Tim couldn't be happier. He claims that this is his first functional, healthy relationship. (He actually had another pretty serious boyfriend last year, but they had their fair share of issues.) Tim always laughs that the relationship he had at the end of high school was a pretty healthy one, but, well, it was with a girl.
Tim admits that he did always know he was attracted to guys. He very confidently identifies as gay. However, when asked about his relationship with a girl, Tim claims "it just worked." Tim states that they did everything a "normal" couple does in a relationship, including the physical stuff. Furthermore, Tim really enjoyed the sexual aspect of their relationship. (Their relationship actually started from a hookup.)
Tim has not told his ex-girlfriend that he is officially out. (Tim only openly identified as gay once he got to college.) He suspects she knows, but he wants to tell her to her face. He is not quite sure what to expect from her reaction.
How would you feel if your ex told you he or she was gay? Have you or a friend experienced this? After the end of a relationship, have you gotten any type of shocking news from your ex?
Comments (12)
Just curious: if he enjoyed the sexual aspect of it, wouldn't that make him bisexual and not gay? Just saying. I have nothing against homosexuality or bisexuality either one, it just seems like he's bi.
@secretbeerreporter@xanga - Sex is just part of it. I'm a gay man and I don't doubt that under the right circumstances I could have an enjoyable sexual experience with a woman. However, I know I could never form the deep emotional relationship with a woman like I can and have with a man. It's also about identity. If Tim identifies himself as gay, then he's gay.
@ninetailedevee@xanga - Fair enough. Thanks for explaining it to me.
Why would he need to tell his ex about his current relationship status? Unless they are still close friends? Otherwise I don't see why he has to go out of his way to tell her. It's just like me telling my ex I am seeing someone new whether it my new significant other is a guy or a girl, the principle is still the same. If he does decide to tell her, it doesn't matter what she think. He's found someone whom he can have a healthy relationship and that's good for him.
@scribbles - hmm. Good point. If it was just the case of telling someone you were in a new relationship I'd agree with you and he doesn't need to tell, or to worry about her reaction.But from what material was presented, I think more than his relationship status, he wants to tell his ex girlfriend that he has come out. I assume that if he had identified himself as homosexual even when he was younger, his relationship with this girl that 'just worked' would have to have been more than just a girlfriend. Seems fair he'd want to let someone he was very close friends with to know he'd made major steps in his personal life.
On a side note: if my ex came to me and told me he was gay, it would answer a lot of mysteries in my ex-love-life.
Never happened to me before but if my ex did tell me she was gay, I would be more curious than anything else. No hard feelings though, even if I was the last guy she was with before she realized she wanted to play for the other team.
One of my exes I don't think I'd even be surprised to hear this from, heh. But honestly, it really makes no difference to me. Could partially be because I'm bisexual myself, maybe? I don't think I'd have much of a reaction at all.
It is a shocking revelation...but since he enjoyed both...maybe he's 'bi'
"Tim" sounds like he just has a more fluid sexuality than most people. It's rare for guys to be sexually fluid like that (they usually identify as firmly straight or gay... no bi or in-between) but it's more common in women. I've known more than a few women who've had lesbian relationships that "just worked" for them before they dated guys. I also know one gay woman who had a boyfriend in high school who "just worked" for her (though she never slept with him) so really it's whatever makes you happy By the way, concerning the picture, doncha just love how Lena Dunham always chooses incredibly hot guys to make out with her chubbiness? Seriously, and take it from someone who looks just like her, in real life guys that hot would need five beers and three tequila shots before giving her dumpiness a second glance. Start casting guys within your league sweetie... you're just embarassing yourself otherwise!
The most shocking news I got from an ex was that he hates bisexuals. More than a year after I broke up with him (wouldn't stop pressuring me for sex), he said it was my fault because I lied to him. About what? Wanting to be his girlfriend, because clearly bisexuality means you're only happy if you have one of each. He knew I was bi while he was dating a friend long before he ever asked me out.
@scribbles - Love your name
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