I've been a lurker for a while and feel the need to share what I've learned. I have written two previous posts: "Hurt and Confused" & "Hurt and Confused: Update"
This might as well end up as a rant.
My ex broke up with me in late February after he went on a NY trip for three days. The next day I saw him, he broke up with me. Up until that very point, I thought things were going well. Then all of a sudden, every opinion of mine was wrong, I no longer appeal to him, there is no love (or what I thought was love) left. This was the week I had 3 tests in electrical engineering no less and I failed them all in my emotional distress. I was in shambles. For one week, I let myself mope. To be honest, I believe I went through the seven stages of depression in that week.
What hurt the most was that my two best friends were studying abroad. But my roommates helped me so much. I couldn't be where I am now without them.
Long story short, in the next 3 months:
- I finally turned 21.
- I met new friends.
- I stopped talking to a lot of our mutual friends (because in the two and a half years, we had so many of them).
- Found out he moved on really fast, which included lots of drinking and smoking.
- I spiraled into a single girl phase of kissing many boys, which has quickly ended.
- Pulled up my F's in 3 classes into passing grades.
- Got closer with my family.
- Gained back the weight I lost from the break up to a now healthy state.
In the act of meeting new friends and learning more about the people around me, it has made me realize how much I was blinded by love. How immediately I was able to connect with people (boys in particular) who had so many more things in common with me.
Being at the same school, in the same grade, with the same friend groups, means I will still run into him on occasion. I won't lie and say that it doesn't hurt. His voice still makes me cringe and makes my skin crawl in frustration.
Just a few weeks ago, we were at the same party. Yes, I did flirt. And he exploded. We got into a fight for three hours. I wasn't thinking about him in the room for the first time. As someone who broke up with me, I do not need any permission from him to do whatever I want to do with my life. This argument was so familiar as if we were in a relationship. He would explain how he's still trying to get his life back together. How he's still trying to cope in a life without me. It's no longer my problem, this was his choice.
I hope in what he saw and hurt him, he realizes how much he hurt me by moving on a week after he broke my heart.
One thing that I wished would have happened was that I didn't take him back. At this point, we would have been broken up for nine months now. It's sad to say, in the four months after that I took him back; I don't remember any wonderful memories.
I can't remember anything at all. I loved the person that he was. Not the person that he is.
I am happy now. I laugh, I drink, I flirt, and have no one to account for but me. This final year of college is all about me.
Have you ever given someone a second chance and did it go the way you planned? Or did it end badly and how did you pick yourself up?
Comments (6)
You don't give people chances. You give yourself a chance.
i found out that if you really love someone, you don't give them the opportunity for second chances. You work them out, and through them, and the first chance lasts a lifetime
Damn reading this was like taking a trip down memory lane in my breakup. Was like in your shoes. I think if you didn't go back to him, things would've been fine. At least you know where your mistake is now though. Good for future referencing next time. Better to move forward than backwards. I feel like you always want to go back with them. But give yourself like a year or more to move on and be single. If you still think you should be with them, then that's when I can say 'maybe' lol. But still always best to move forward.
Preaching to the choir, girlfriend!! I gave my ex another chance and it was wonderful for a few more years, but just like history does-it repeated itself. I went through the exact same thing as you. I'm almost 5 months in and I'm getting better every single day. We will forever be learning. There's so much more to know! And in this time, I've realized how much I appreciate my alone time. Even throughout dating, I've realized I would much rather hang out with my friends lol. As for giving chances, every situation is different. In some situations, multiple chances can turn into a healthy thing, but other times it's just not healthy for either party. Follow your heart AND your head. When you listen to both, they make quite the dream team.Good luck lady!
I gave my GF a second chance after I we broke up and things turned out well only because she dramatically changed the way she treated me. She had just come off of a relationship and had a lot of abandonment issues when she started dating me. It initially didn't make sense to me why she kept treating me crappy the more kindness I showed her. After about 2 months of things going downhill, I took it as a hint she was no longer interested in a relationship and we went our separate ways. After about 6 months apart, we started hanging out as friends again. It was platonic at first since I was still going out and meeting other people but the more we spent time together, the more we started flirting. We were kind of FWB for awhile since we weren't sure we worked well together in a BF/GF relationship. Sometimes you need to lose something before you realize how important it was to you. One night after sex, I was getting dressed and started to head home, she suggested that I could stay the night if I wanted (something she was against in the past). After awhile, she said I could stay over anytime I wanted and then that became her insisting that since I'm over at her place so often, I might as well just move in. We've been happily together ever since. My only advice is if you give the person a second chance, judge them not on their words but their actions. If they do not treat you better, then they still have not learned to value you and you need to move on. Don't stay in a relationship hoping they will change based on promises.
@nonurbusinessyo@xanga - aw that's cute. hope the best for you guys.For me the second chance department did not work so well in both of my two serious relationships. I too followed the same path you did and actually around the same age as you are(oh man I feel old writing this). But you learn a whole lot about yourself and attain a shit load of wisdom you didn't know you had. After some point you need to learn to walk away and it's difficult. But I think I failed to realize that it was a failing relationship . I also did not know that there was better out there, even if it meant developing that relationship with myself.
Comments are closed.