June 27, 2017

• I Think He's Cheating

  
  So I am going to start by saying I do have a history with cheaters. In fact, I have never dated someone who I haven't found out has cheated on me (my current boyfriend aside). I realize that this could mean I am a bit jaded or overly sensitive, but I just don't think that's what this is.

  I met "M" at the start of this year. He was the leaving manager at a venue I was beginning to work at. My first shift was his last and in the name of getting to know the people I was working with, I stuck around for after work drinks. Sparks flew and the rest is history. On that night I was starting to become chummy with one of the girls I would be working with, "V." A few weeks later V asked me if anything had happened between M and I.

  I admitted that it had and that we were now dating. After that, she became very cold towards me and asked to not be put on the same shifts as me. I was confused as to what I had done wrong and one night when I was voicing my concerns to M, he mentioned that it was probably because they had a history. I was fine with that, jealousy happens and I didn't love the idea of spending time with someone he had slept with so I was glad she had asked for separate shifts.

  The trouble started four months later when she turned 21. She had a massive party which she'd talk about at work constantly (we still ended up with the occasional shift together). She put up invites in the staff room saying she wanted everyone to be there and even got the boss to shut the restaurant down for a night so everyone could come. Then she sent M a letter telling him how much it meant to her that he was there and if he would please come.

  The letter stated he could bring whatever friends he wanted but I was definitely not allowed. She then changed the poster in the staff room to read everyone but "E" (me) was invited.

  I was pretty upset. I wouldn't have gone to the party anyway. But it was the intentional public exclusion and the deliberate effort to make sure I knew I was being left out. I got over it and thought, "who cares, there's no way M would go after she's gone to such lengths to make me feel like shit." Besides, it clashes with his work schedule. Wrong. He went.

  The day before he was like, "Oh, I'll be out tomorrow night. You can't come 'cause I'm going to a party you were very deliberately not invited to. But you can stay here when you finish work if you want." (I work until 3AM at my other job on Saturday and he lives right around the corner from the bar I work at. There is no parking or transport home from the bar so I stay at his place.)

  I was mad and told him calmly that I wasn't comfortable with him going but it was his choice. He went.

  At around 2AM, he came into my work and kept grabbing at me and being a menace - drunk off his face. When I finished at three I walked him home. He kept dropping his phone so he asked me to carry up. About halfway home, a picture message pops up. It's V. Naked. There is a short exchange of messages before the picture asking who she was with and for a pic. She had said that "B" and "D" took the picture for her. I put him to bed and slept on the couch.

  When he woke up in the morning, I went into his room and asked him, "Did anything happen between you and V that shouldn't have?" His response was, "God, you have issues," so I continued, "Oh so she didn't send you naked pictures of herself that you asked for?" and explained how I had seen them and the messages.

  He responded that his mate had his phone most of the night and he had no idea about the pictures. That I was so much more beautiful than her and that he loves me and would never cheat. While I still didn't have a good feeling I chose to believe him.

  My stipulation was that he would message her saying that it wasn't him asking for the photos, and that he didn't want them and sending them was not okay. He sent this: "Haha, bit drunk last night? My mate had my phone and asked for the pics but don't worry I got it back before he saw them. I'll delete them so you don't need to be embarrassed." To me that was not good enough and he let her off wayyyy too easy.

  After that night, she got worse at work asking for me to be fired and refusing to speak when I was put on shift with her to the extent where I would ask, "Did you get table 5's check?" and she would just walk away. Not only did it make working there very difficult, it made me feel like shit as I couldn't see anything I had done wrong.

  Around our 6 month anniversary, V got promoted to manager as she was the longest standing staff member. All of my shifts disappeared. So I went to the owner with my resignation. I explained to him what had happened and why I was leaving and he confronted her about her behavior. She sent a message to M getting mad at him for it and he in turn got mad at me for "picking on her."

  A month later, M and V were invited to the engagement party of someone they used to work with, B and D. The same B and D who took the picture. While the invite said M and partner, he did not invite me and instead went alone. I was once again staying at his place after work. I got home at 1 and he got home at around 3.

  When he got home, he had lost his shoes, his shirt was covered in cobwebs as if it had been thrown on a dirty floor somewhere and his underwear also had dirt on it. And finally, 3 long black hairs were in his underwear. I am very blonde. V on the other hand, has long black hair. He was very drunk but I didn't want another sleepless night on the couch so I asked him. He said he didn't know how the hairs got there but the entire bride's family had long dark hair so they could be anyone's.

  As to the dirt and the cobwebs, he said he had gotten into a fight and the shoes he said he had taken off to go into the bride's house, where everyone kept drinking after they were kicked out of the bar, and someone had taken them.

  Again, he said he loved me and that he wouldn't cheat. Why would he come home to me if he was with someone else that night, he said; that if I really thought he would cheat on me I could fuck off out of his house. Then he cried because it hurt that I didn't trust him. Once again I was willing to let it go.

  But then today, 3 days later, photos from the party hit Facebook. In every single photo he is with V and they had their arms around each other.

  I cannot shake the feeling that he is cheating on me and I don't know what to do.

  Any advice?

  • 4:00 pm
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