July 28, 2017
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Pretty for a Dark-Skinned Girl
This post was submitted by TMA.
If you want to enrage women, just utter the sentence, “You’re pretty for a dark-skinned girl.” Nothing says I’m an ignorant fool more than that statement. Ironically, people from all ethnicities and backgrounds make such silly claims; white guys, Hispanic women and surprisingly enough, black people. We live in a society where the image of beauty has been painstakingly contrived to convince us that black is ugly.Two things come to mind. Firstly, if you have never seen the doll test, please click the link and watch now. Secondly, the movie Malcolm X, where they go through the dictionary and compare the definitions of the words white and black. However, it’s not only dark-skinned women who must be submitted to such negativity, but other women too. Asian women are thought to be submissive, Hispanic women are crazy, and blond-haired white women are dumb, just to name a few.
In such a patriarchal society, it’s no wonder that there are many sexist stereotypes, but why do we as a society allow ourselves to be duped into believing the nonsense that media spews? How can an educated person make such foolish statements and in what ways can we look into ourselves to remove such an ignorant mindset?
What many dark-skinned women find to be appalling is the fact that men will say such a statement (you’re pretty for a dark-skinned girl) with a smile, thinking they’ve just given such a sincere and sweet compliment. It’s almost as if all people should know dark-skinned women are ugly by default but she broke the mold. Interestingly enough, I’ve never heard, “You’re attractive for a dark-skinned guy.” It’s because women, especially African American women, are critiqued from all sides. They’re either nappy-headed, stupid, angry, or hoes with big butts that dance really well. It’s surprising how an entire group of people could be so wrongly characterized, especially in 2013. Too many of us have accepted the doctrine of the pretty girl next door; a thin and fair skinned tall woman, usually Caucasian.
In brief, beauty cannot be defined, neither can love nor anything for that matter. We have tried for too long to find ways to define how people should act when they’re in love and how attractive people look. In definitions we find absolutes, narrow minded ideas that claim to accurately describe words and phenomena. Nevertheless, beauty is indiscernible, forever changing and most importantly, indefinable.
Why should we agree that only the few amongst us are beautiful, why not try seeing the beauty in everyone and everything around you? It’s because that takes work. It takes work to tear down personal illusions and delusions, to explore the unknown and allow oneself to be a caring and loving individual. The same goes for hate against same sex couples, immigrants, and minorities. Humans are habitual creatures that find it easier to succumb to their everyday routines and thought patterns than to travel down a new road and create a new paradigm. By removing self-hate, you effectively diminish the hate you have against others.
Question: How do you feel about the comment, “She’s pretty for a dark-skinned girl”?
Comments (65)
every minority gets that in America.
May as well say "Oh you're pretty smart for an idiot!". Insulting both ways and the speaker tells a great deal about themselves with such a sentence.
" Too many of us have accepted the doctrine of the pretty girl next door; a thin and fair skinned tall woman, usually Caucasian."--Bullcrap, if that were the case then the tanning industry would go out of business."Why should we agree that only the few amongst us are beautiful"--Because it's rare, which is why it's so sought after.It looks to me like you are just projecting the problems of your own communtiy onto everyone else.
people have racial preferences. nothing wrong with that. as for that particular comment, i've never heard anyone say anything like that. i'm on board with @Ambrosius_Augustus_Rex@xanga, not that there is any meaning to criticizing the op since the article was taken from a different site...
I find that comment to be a fallacy. I think that being dark skinned has nothing to do with being unattractive. It's not to say that there aren't fair skinned ugly people. Ugly can come in all shapes and color, just like beautiful can. I live in Hawaii and Caucasian is NOT the picturesque pretty girl next door. It's more of that hapa/ mixed girl look. Let's not forget the famous, "tall, dark and handsome".
I've had similar comments except it was along the lines of, "I don't find Asian women particularly attractive, but I think you look pretty" or "Most Asian girls are flat. You have nice big boobs for an Asian." Wtf?! Talk about backhanded compliments.Anyway, I think there are plenty of gorgeous dark-skinned girls. People should just say, "Oh, you're pretty." There's no reason to add for a dark-skinned girl. Why? A dark-skinned girl can't be pretty? It's no wonder skin lightening practices are prevalent across the globe.
I get that as a redhead... I also get that for being really white. lolIt is rude.
I just wanted to say, don't use the word Caucasian for reference to 'white people' if you're trying to be politically correct or whatever. It's out dated and incorrect. Most white people are Anglo and/or just European decent. Indo-Euro American will do just nicely, thank you
I also, I love all kinds of shades of skin color. Even the darkest. If anything, most 'Mericans should find any women that's not blonde-blue eyed-fair skin to be exotic. Don't people get sick of seeing the same kind of looking girls, over and over and over? Variety is good. I also have a thing for mix race, any mix race.
@heart_leigh@xanga - Really? My experience is that everyone gets sprung over Asian girls.
Dark skin is a turnoff for me. No shame there. People have their preferences like any other. Economic, ambition, muscle tone, and whatever other bullshit.@Ambrosius_Augustus_Rex@xanga - Not I.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Things like "you're pretty for a dark skinned girl" are the kind of things that people in the black community will say to eachother. She is trying to project that behavior onto everyone, which isn't fair. It's an internecene issue which should be dealt with accordingly. A lot of black women are irritated with the fact that some of their men choose to go for men of other races, which may be a legitimate concern for them, but that doesn't justify externalizing the problem and projecting it onto everyone else. Tanning salons make a huge killing off of stupid white women, and a few Asian and Native American women who for some reason want to burn themselves. Personally, I think that women look best in their natural shade, whatever that might be, but my preference runs almost exclusively to Asian and Indian women.
@T3hZ10n@xanga - That's fine, but most guys do like them.
@Ambrosius_Augustus_Rex@xanga - Maybe where you're from. It's not like that where I live.
@heart_leigh@xanga - Well if I weren't already in a relationship I might take that comment as an invitation to proposition you.Where do you live? I have lived in Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, and Georgia. Most guys I have seen do have a preference for Asian women. Sometimes even ugly Asian women hook up with better looking guys just because the guys give them bonus points for being Asian (which to me doesn't make sense). Even some of the white supremacists I have argued with grudgingly admited to finding Asian women attractive even if they don't want to marry one. I mean, it just boggles my mind that there might be some place where Asian women are considered less attractive or desireable. That's not the trend that I'm getting from most guys. I bet if you created an online dating profile for yourself you would get lots of hits from all over the place.
I'd be insulted hearing that. I'd be shocked.
Yeah, that type of comment is so stupid. I am a white guy that has been with a "dark skinned girl" for 7 years and married currently. I've always found dark skinned women more attractive if anything and could never get that sort of thing.I think it really stems from the mainstream media pushing euro features and skin types. I almost feel like the media moguls push it because deep down they are scared white people will realize other women are more attractive.Dark-skinned women are the original woman. Everything else followed. So its like we are hating ourselves. I really hope this sort of things stops at some point. I also noticed a lot of light-skinned black women fall into this trap and think they "are prettier" than dark-skinned women. At the end of the day its all a matter of preference, but I think that preference is affected by the environment, which today is media images and people on TV constantly stating how attractive a woman is if she is white and blonde when talking to her.Black women are beautiful period, and I agree that dark-skinned women don't get enough or the right kind of credit.But at the end of the day, F*** the haters and dark-skinned black women will rule the world because all men underneath want a conscious Afrocentric woman. We are just conditioned not to from an early age and to chase the "light and brites."
I think because women are valued for their looks, there is not going to be a single woman who has not experienced the "you are pretty for [ insert trait ] woman. It is perhaps rude, but the problem lies with those individuals and not society or the mythological patriarchy. People have their preferences for a mate and they are perfectly capable of deciding for themselves whom they want to date. Most intelligent people don't rely on society's standards to determine whom they find attractive. I am sure you have your own preferences for characteristics a mate. I think that I spent too much time paying attention to the men that DID want to date me that I didn't have time to notice the ones that didn't. It kind of makes life easier.The closest to this statement that I have ever heard is, "I don't usually date black women". With that said, I have honestly never heard anyone but other black people (and other minorities about their own race) utter the statement "she looks good for a dark skinned girl". More black men have been concerned with my skin tone than any other race and even that was a rare occurrence. Sure the media does push a beauty standard and most women realize they can't measure up to it. People are not obliged to find everyone physically attractive.
In many Asian cultures, dark-skin on a woman is not attractive. Historically, rich women did not have to work outside in order to help their families and were much lighter than their laboring (not rich) counterparts. The idea of a pale-skinned beauty came from wanting to marry into rich family, so that was what made a woman more attractive. Anyway, as an dark-skinned Asian woman, I get ''you're very pretty for a dark-skinned woman. If you would just stay out of the sun, you'd be beautiful'' a lot. I think that comment means different things for women of different racial/ethnic backgrounds. Regardless of the reason, it really like is just another way people use physical appearance as an incorrect means of defining another person's worth, if humans can be given value.
I wouldn't consider a person educated if they made a comment like that. I've seen good looking women from all across the spectrum. African, Asian, Hispanic, redhead and so on are all good in my book, I don't have a preference when it comes to that.
I've also heard, "pretty for an asian." They should just stop at the compliment. The end lol.@Ambrosius_Augustus_Rex@xanga - Yeah, people think it's attractive for non black people to get, tanned, not BLACK. There is a difference.
I think this post is extremely well written. The fact is though that that may never happen. The world is built on stereotypes.
People who say those sorts of things are just dumb. Better to know straight away anyway, right?You know to keep walking after that.I'm mixed and no one ever knows whether I'm Italian, Spanish, French,Asian, or whatever. I've gotten it all. Most people refer to me as white, while other people see me as being Hispanic and refer to me that way. I think it's pointless. I'm just another girl. Ask me what my name is and refer to me that way, not "that white girl" or "that hispanic girl".When people figure out I am part Hispanic, that's how they view me, and all I am to them and I hate it so much. I'm then compared to every Hispanic they can think of, Hispanics I work with, Hispanics walking about randomly,etc. Before they know what I am, I'm told that I look like, say, Alizee; after they find out, I am then only compared to dark-skinned characters or celebrities(think J-Lo). I never understood this. At all.So when people ask me, I (while obviously messing around with them) tell them that I'm a race totally different from what I actually am at all (which, fyi, is French, Spanish, German, and Swedish), just because I don't think it should matter what I am. Why is it such a concern?I've always thought all women were beautiful in their own way. As a bisexual, I've never had a racial preference in a woman. However, with men, I am usually more attracted to white or asian men. Though honestly, I've found myself attracted to almost every race in men at some point as well.To say something like that is CLEARLY not a compliment, so again, whoever says that is(thankfully) showing you right away that they're an idiot and sparing you any time you might otherwise waste on them. =)
Maybe if someone said "you're pretty for a woman" that woman might get upset the other person is labeling and is sexist and some other nonsense. When did you stop using your brain and forget that it's a compliment? Focus more energy on real racism, racism that bites. Not a self-reflection on a collective inferiority complex built in through not just decades but thousands of years...Now if the focus was on sleazy guys trying some cheap trick to get into your pants I'd have little to say..but my overall reaction to that statement and the slant of this post is...get over it.
@Ambrosius_Augustus_Rex@xanga - Yeah, I know a lot of guys who like Asian women primarily due to what they see in porn and the idea that they are submissive.Pisses me off.Asian women are beautiful, and should be valued for who they are, not the idea that they're willing to please a man in whatever sick way he wishes(which I can tell you with certainty that a lot of them aren't ok with because-oh yeah-they're also human beings).
Lol! Hispanic women are crazy. Lol That's hilarious. I think I'm a pretty crazy girl and I am hispanic, but I love the way I am.
@Kittyluve@xanga - Well considering that black women already have a natural tan, it would be gratuitous for them to go in and utilize a tanning salon. I find that difficult to swallow. Most guys I know like Asian women, but most of them can't have one either. Maybe it has to do with supply. About 40% of Asian women in the US will marry out, which is the highest rate of outmarriage in the country. The most common type of interracial relationship in the US is actually the white male-Asian female pairing. The black male-white female pairing is the poster boy for race mixing, and gets the most attention (positive or otherwise), but it is far behind the first one.
@TheMagicGnome@xanga - Let me tell you something, as a male. Men naturally gravitate toward the most attractive woman that they can get their hands on. That is the primary factor that men take into account. The next thing they take into account is age, usually they want younger women. Whatever they might THINK about behavior is only an ancillary concern. Now ,if you check the stastics about 40% of Asian women marry out. The most common type of interracial marriage in the US is actually the white male-Asian female coupling. That sort of thing does not happen with women who are not highly marketable. When I was 25 I dated an Asian girl who was the same age, and I was actually boyfriend 21. One of my friends warned me against dating her but I was lonely and I found her attractive so I did it. Later on we broke up, but after me she cycled through a lot more guys. How does one have 21 boyfriends at 25? I can guarantee it wasn't her personality that attracted them. Maybe you just live in a crappy area?
@Ambrosius_Augustus_Rex@xanga - That depends on what location (in the western world) that person is from.
@MzKeekz@xanga - I guess.
So when a woman says I'm "nice-looking for an Indian guy," where do I go bitching about it? Mancouch is shut down so...
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I miss Mancouch. It was my favourite "ish" site.
@specificallyrandom@xanga - I had never heard anyone be offended by "Caucasian" before. I certainly prefer it over 'white' most of the time.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - you read her post, minority men never hear that kind of thing. Stop making things up. Men have it easy because of the patriarchy."Interestingly enough, I’ve never heard, “You’re attractive for a dark-skinned guy.” It’s because women, especially African American women, are critiqued from all sides."
Beauty in the mind of the beholder. If the majority of people are narrow-minded, then obviously society's idea of beauty will tend to be narrow-minded, in which case...why do we care what the majority think?
Beauty has zilch to do with skin tone. I have found women of every shad to be absolutely, drop-dead gorgeous.
I'm not saying such a comment doesn't come across badly, but who hasn't heard some variation of it?"You're pretty for a girl with glasses.""You're pretty for a nerd.""You're pretty for a homeschooler.""You're pretty for a pregnant woman.""You're pretty for a mom."I've heard all of those and more. No, they never felt like great compliments. But whatever. It says more about the person saying it than the person they're talking about.
I see it this way. Women should be valued for the beauty from the inside out. That means a woman some don't see as beautiful are because of what comes from the inside to the outside. And I do not judge a lady by what nationality or color their skin is. That is stupid. Bro. Doc
It's totally offensive.I've been told many so-called innocuous "compliments" because I am Asian. It's all a bunch of crap, stupid come-on lines. Sometimes, I think you have to get thick skinned and just move on. It's not always worth your time to spend it worrying about what this or that ignorant moron said/did. In a semi-related story, growing up, my mother always wanted me to stay out of the sun, not be tanned, always covered up in long sleeves, wear a hat, or stand in the shade. She actually said that it's bad being dark and Asian, because they look down upon you (as in you work the fields, instead of having a nice indoor job.) This went on for years. I went to college, and it didn't seem to matter. And the things I learned in Asian American Studies classes about skin bleaching.... Don't judge a book by its cover. That's the moral.
She’s a pretty dark-skinned girlHow about this instead?Personally, I think lots of different women of various races and sizes are pretty, it just depends on the female herself. However, beyond physical attraction, most people tend to marry into their own race, social class/status, Socioeconomic status, interests, etc (we tend to flock toward people who are like ourselves = Sociology 101). That being said, growing up in a diverse large city, I did hear some black women complain about black men chasing white girls (aka dumb girls, trailer-trash, and crackers).
@QuantumStorm@xanga - @thegunslingergirl@xanga - I agree! I liked hanging out at The ManCouch!
@Ambrosius_Augustus_Rex@xanga - A lot of people think chinks just study a lot, are boring and are ugly because of the slanted eyes and also because of less T&A than others. I was teased a lot in elementary school. I lived in a mainly hispanic area though. Quite a few of them grew out of that sort of thing, but some do still think that way into adulthood.
@NotWhereIThought@xanga - Not offended, just the incorrect term for two reasons; old meaning means pretty much means Europe, middle east, and southern east asia area. It had nothing to do with what race you were or skin tone/color/features. The second meaning is more specific referring to Caucasus region, which not many 'white' people are from. Most white people (by American definition) are Anglo or Indo-European, not Caucasian.
I'm not dark, but I am mostly black and I've gotten complimented in similar ways..."I'm not into black girls, but..." Lol, you have no control over how stupid people can be, and that sucks... They mean well and that's gotta count for something, right?
@firetyger@xanga - Oh, I've gotten the homeschooler one a few times myself. While not being the most offensive, I'd say that was the most awkward/random. Still don't get it. Again, I usually don't let the fact that I was homeschooled(off and on) known to anyone in person, unless they speak vehemently against it(without having any real clue what it is-because I do ). As someone who's been in various different public schools, a private school, and used different curriculum in homeschooling..homeschooling taught me far,far more than I learned anywhere else.
@Ambrosius_Augustus_Rex@xanga - More than likely. The guys around here are either on drugs or arrogant and ignorant, among many other things. Though the girls aren't much better. I didn't grow up where I live now, and I have noticed that even though it's a 15-20 mile difference, the people are a lot different, in a bad way.I've been thinking it must be my area for a while =pAnd just so it's known, I live in Quakertown, PA. It's about an hour from Philadelphia.
I'd see that as a back handed comment if it were just "you're a pretty dark skinned girl". But adding "for a dark skinned girl" takes it out of being a compliment, and becomes some sort of passive-aggressive dehumanization. I say punch them in the face if they ever say that to you again.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - D'oh, good point. I forgot that men don't have any problems!
@Kittyluve@xanga - I think Asian women are much more marketable than Mexicans.
@TheMagicGnome@xanga - Weird, sounds like a crappy place.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - Women are critiqued on appearance, men are critiqued on attitude, mentality, monetary income. The argument that women have it harder is just ridiculous. Men and women are both unfairly judged and both held back in differing degrees. Men hardly have it better and there's hardly a patriarchy.
@RazielV@xanga - I was being sarcastic.
While my first thought if i heard someone say something like that is not going to be 'ignorant fool' -- I will admit that if anyone said that as a pick-up line in any situation I would smash my shoe into their knee and call them an asshole. But in general, if someone said 'pretty for a _____', semantics would imply that you are not pretty, but circumstances put you above others in your class. Which, inherently, is not a compliment at all... On a side note, I think dark-skinned individuals are pretty damn hot on the whole. And a lot of my friends agree with me.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - Any problem a man has is in his head or he should fix it since you all have all the powers of the patriarchal force.
I've had guys tell me before that they don't like when girls have short hair. I'm thinking, good thing my girlfriend loves my short hair. Lmao.
@pokerhate@xanga - that's great, so instead of bashing dark women, you're bashing white women. classy..
@Erika_Steele@xanga - Yes ma'am *bows meekly*
@QuantumStorm@xanga - No, bitch slap? I feel used now.
@TheMagicGnome@xanga - Definitely awkward. And definitely random
To me, “She’s pretty for a dark-skinned girl”? means: she's not really pretty, just average, BUT considering dark skinned girls are usually ugly, she IS pretty in comparison."She's a pretty dark skinned girl" means: There are pretty, average and ugly dark skinned girls and she's a pretty one. I emphasize on dark skin because I like the skin colour?"I'm usually not attracted to dark skinned girls, but she's very attractive." Attractive is not the same as beautiful/pretty in my book. Some guys are handsome but I don't find them attractive. I think if aother girl hears it from the guy, she gets jealous because she feels that black girl is "special" and she's not. If a guy says it to the black girl, it's a poor attempt to make her feel special. The black girl can take it the one or other way.
I hated hearing this when I was younger. It made me feel ostracized.
I know people have their preferences, or types, but it is extremely rude to add something like that to a compliment. It should simply be- you are gorgeous, or attractive- "For a_______" should never be added. expecially if the "For a " is about a stereotype.
@Im_Amelia@xanga - I am not bashing white women. What I am saying is that there is a definite push in American culture to date white women. The whole media model is based on white beauty. For example, see the link below where the modeling industry chose to paint a white women in blackface versus using a African model. http://hellobeautiful.com/2622725/numero-fashion-magazine-white-model-in-african-queen-blackface/There are thousand upon thousand of articles talking about the euro-centric beauty paradigm prevalent in our society. White men in particular are socially molded by media, social constructs, racism, etc. to date white women exclusively. Much as many black women are also taught to stay away from white men because of the historical implications, racial climate etc.I don't have to hate white to love black. I still find many white women attractive, as well as many women of all races. I just have my preference, which happens to be counter-cultural. And I do believe many other white men have this preference beneath the surface but choose not to pursue it due to media, society, and what their own families will think.
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The people that are saying that the comment "your pretty for a black girl" is not insulting or a big issue are obviously not dark skinned. It may not be meant to be a racist comment from the person saying it, but it is a reminder to the woman receiving the so called compliment that society views her as ugly or inferior and she is lucky to receive such compliment. Unfortunately it has been said to me way too many times