Nervously guiding your unsteady hands across the keyboard, you manage to cobble together a rudimentary online dating profile, perhaps even featuring that one rare photo which managed to capture your good side last year — or at least, that’s what you tell yourself. The summary you’ve devised feels like a fabrication; it’s equal parts who you think other people want to meet (an ambitious, forward-thinking lightning rod of confidence who enjoys holding small domesticated animals) and quirky enough to send signals to like-minded individuals who enjoy knitting sweaters featuring Gizmo of Gremlins fame. In truth, the result is incongruence — like the image you semi-successfully project to others versus your internalized anxieties. It’s the groundwork for self-sabotage, and you’ve just hit the “submit” button.

The butterflies in your stomach churn to produce mild perspiration as the ambivalence sets in: What if interest is non-existent? Should I message first? What’s wrong with me? Maybe I’m too unattractive for anyone to consider; maybe it won’t be so bad.

Every passing hour without a notification of interest lowers your self-esteem, until it finally hits rock bottom when seemingly attractive individuals view your profile but refrain from messaging. Oh, god ... I’m ugly, aren’t I? You want to step away from your computer or power off the phone, but the need for validation from total strangers feels like a necessity to stop the anxiety that bleeds internally.

You agonize in solitude because mental health issues are still stigmatized (let alone anxiety over a dating profile), waiting for the first sign that you aren’t the complete cretin you’ve made yourself out to be. Finally, like the heavens parting to the sound of the “Hallelujah” chorus from Handel’s Messiah, a glimmer of hope arrives packaged with a classically attractive face that reads, “Hi.” After scouring their profile, checking out the two professional-looking photographs available, and constructing an over-eager response, you shoot it off into cyberspace with bated breath.

Almost instantaneously, a notification arrives, jump-starting your heart because you’re in disbelief at the prospect of a modelesque hunk or babe being interested in an anxious mess. The brand new, color-coded message opens, and it reads, “Wanna get 2 know me? Follow this link 2 reach my private xxx cam room. U won’t regret it. ;]” You’ve been had: It’s a total farce. The all-too-familiar anxiety morphs into an almost tangible depression that forces you into your covers for hours in a dark room, away from all that triggers. Continue reading →

Miss OstrichEven though I've dated around a lot, I only count myself as being in three serious relationships, one of which I'm currently involved in. The first relationship was with my high school sweetheart, lasted two years and six months, and ended when we both decided we couldn't keep it going while he went to college, and I was stuck at home in high school. The second relationship started out as a one-night thing and probably should have stayed that way - it lasted two years and five months. I finally got fed up with his empty threats and attitude, though we were on shaky ground for most of the relationship (this is dreadlocks guy), and it finally came to a head one night when he told me, "You are not allowed to talk to boys."

I'm about a year and three months into the third relationship, and even though everything is great, I'm still psyching myself out thinking I have a year left until something does go wrong. Continue reading →

We girls definitely can turn a blind eye when it comes to love.  Here are a few things that should have been common sense for a (mostly) sensible girl like me, but I had to learn them the hard way:

Signs He's Looking for A Serious Relationship
- He contacts you 3-4 times a week or more
- He wants to spend a large amount of his free time with you
- He asks you questions about yourself to get to know you, and then remembers your answers
- He takes you out and spends money on your dates
- He introduces you to his friends and family

Signs He's Dating for Fun without Commitment
- He is vague about his plans and doesn't talk much about his life Continue reading →

Currently, I'm afflicted by a case of "oneitis" — the state of being stuck on someone with no signs of becoming unstuck. It's awful, to say the least. I've become infatuated with this girl, and I'm thinking about her incessantly. I spend restless nights thinking about what she's doing or who she's with. Yes, it's that bad.

To make matters worse, I'm her boss and she has kids. I see her every day, and I can't get enough of her bright eyes or beautiful smile. I know, it's so wrong.

She's a friend of mine on social media, and recently she created a new Facebook account, adding all her old friends back ... except me. My friend request is still pending, and it's like a kick to the gut. With how debilitating this has been, it should be classified as a disease.

I've not done anything creepy. I'm mad at myself for borderline ruining myself financially for this girl. I've bought her iPhones, given her money for car repairs, etc.

I'm aware that I need to move on, but it's difficult when you work with and see someone every day.

This post was submitted by TMA.

If you want to enrage women, just utter the sentence, “You’re pretty for a dark-skinned girl.” Nothing says I’m an ignorant fool more than that statement. Ironically, people from all ethnicities and backgrounds make such silly claims; white guys, Hispanic women and surprisingly enough, black people. We live in a society where the image of beauty has been painstakingly contrived to convince us that black is ugly.

Two things come to mind. Firstly, if you have never seen the doll test, please click the link and watch now. Secondly, the movie Malcolm X, where they go through the dictionary and compare the definitions of the words white and black. However, it’s not only dark-skinned women who must be submitted to such negativity, but other women too. Asian women are thought to be submissive, Hispanic women are crazy, and blond-haired white women are dumb, just to name a few.

In such a patriarchal society, it’s no wonder that there are many sexist stereotypes, but why do we as a society allow ourselves to be duped into believing the nonsense that media spews? How can an educated person make such foolish statements and in what ways can we look into ourselves to remove such an ignorant mindset?  Continue reading →

One of the biggest steps a couple can take is deciding to share their lives together and start a family. For most, this means having a baby (or two). But then there are some couples who need a smaller step towards this or they are just the type of people who do not want to have children. Instead, they might get a pet. Sharing the responsibilities of taking care of a pet mimics what it might be like to raise a child together.

This sounds like a great idea for couples because caring for a pet teaches you how to be more responsible, manage your money and time better and to care for another being that depends on you for all of their care. Plus, let's face it... pets are just so damn cute!

Continue reading →

I figure since there are a lot of posts that get submitted like, "Why Do Women Do This or That," I'd make a post for the opposite gender.

I can't tell you how many stories I've read where the guy treats the woman like she's nothing.  For example, this blog here.  Really, I was just appalled by that guy's behavior. Not only did he lie about cheating on her, he lied about getting someone else pregnant, and also tried to blame it on the woman and accused her of doing things, too. Continue reading →

I’m 22 and over the past five years I have dated five people, been on about 12 first dates, slept with four people and had my heart broken twice.  I was dumped over a month ago (after being with him for a year) and I am not feeling any better.  I’m not bothered that he dumped me; it’s just that I miss him. 

He dumped me because I wasn’t affectionate enough and he thought I wasn’t ready to settle down.  Those are fair enough reasons and I guess wasn’t affectionate enough and I think it could be because he wasn’t the one for me, or maybe I’m just a bit of an Ice Queen?  I’m at a stage in my life where I’m starting to think about marriage and children and I wonder if I’ll ever be a wife or a mother.  I’m starting to think that I’m destined to be a crazy cat lady and in all honesty that would be easier than having my heart broken again.  Yeah I know time heals all wounds...I'll forget about him...he wasn't right for me.... Continue reading →

So I am going to start by saying I do have a history with cheaters. In fact, I have never dated someone who I haven't found out has cheated on me (my current boyfriend aside). I realize that this could mean I am a bit jaded or overly sensitive, but I just don't think that's what this is.

I met "M" at the start of this year. He was the leaving manager at a venue I was beginning to work at. My first shift was his last and in the name of getting to know the people I was working with, I stuck around for after work drinks. Sparks flew and the rest is history. On that night I was starting to become chummy with one of the girls I would be working with, "V." A few weeks later V asked me if anything had happened between M and I. Continue reading →